- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I need help and I don’t want to upset anyone in the family/wedding party so I would greatly appreciate some advice!
I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for just over two years; we got engaged after a year and a few months to my total surprise. The ring was smaller than I could have ever imagined and not what I would have picked out, which may have kind of bummed me out right off the bat. Moving on from that, I really WANTED to get engaged but now I am not sure if we should get married, and the wedding is just two months away, save the dates have been sent and invitations are going out ASAP.
A LOT of money has already been spent on the wedding and I know it would break everyone’s heart if we pulled out — including mine — but I am not sure if it’s right. My fiancé is kind, caring, loving, honest, he hasn’t done anything wrong but we are just very different people. We have been living together for over a year, and things started going south after we got engaged. He doesn’t make much money so I decided to go part-time at my job and go to a technical school to try to get a job where I could earn enough money to significantly contribute, so that we can someday buy a house and have nice things.
Problem is, after a year of school (with at least 2/3 more years to go) I miss my old career (I have already graduated from a 4 year uni) and I am tired of struggling through school and always being broke and turning to my parents for finical support.
I want to return to my old career. Problem is it’s in the city and he wants to move out of the city and closer to his job. He actually hates the city, whereas I love it. I recently got an amazing job offer that would pay very very well but we would have to stay where we are. I am worried this would put a strain on us. Also our passion has pretty much dissipated. He really tries but I just have so much on my mind I am distracted. We maybe have sex once a week or every other week.
I feel so sad it has come to this, and I don’t want to lose an amazing kind hearted guy who would be a great dad and loves me so much, because I may not be ready to settle down, i really hate my school, and want to stay in the city. I am also working 7 days a week to make enough money to get by and that paired with school is just killing me. If i agreed to move out of the city and close to his job, i would have to do school AND work from home, and i think that would really take a toll on me.
Is there anything i can do to remedy this situation? I really do love him and i am so sacred that if i call it off i will regret it for the rest of my life, and my parents will be devastated to say the least. I just find myself not very excited about the wedding, just scared because there is no security. we live in a dark little apartment and have nothing. i always thought i would be marrying into a more stable situation financially, and not be so stressed about having to contribute a significant amount finically so that we can be comfortable.
i also always wanted to be able to stay at home with my kids for a few years, but that will never happen considering we will need two incomes to make it.
Am I just being selfish? What should i do?