Post # 1
Need your input on this. I got engaged in January 2009 and was pretty wishy-washy about planning my wedding at first. Most of it was because I had been laid off from my job in December 2008 and I wasn’t sure when I was going to find work again. Luckily, I started a new job in April (Also, I have NO idea what I’m doing in terms of planning a wedding. I’ve never been in a bridal party myself.) It wasn’t until August until we finally booked a venue and set a date in stone. We are getting married in March 2010 and decided to aim for a 100-guest wedding. Before the date and place were set, we had already pretty much committed to 4 BMs and 4 GMs. We also wanted to involve his young nieces and my little sister as junior BM’s. We are still up in the air about a flower girl and ring bearer (but I’m probably going to forgo them). So far, that makes a bridal party of 12! Crazy! How can I whittle down the bridal party to maybe just 2 BMs and 2 GMs (because we still would like to have his nieces and my little sister be junior BMs)? I’m also starting to think the ceremony space is too small and restrictive to have a large bridal party. Should I move some of the other bridal party members to other roles? My Maid/Matron of Honor is my other sister. I wouldn’t change that. Another Bridesmaid or Best Man is my best friend. My fiance is indifferent about his GMs except his Best Man. (I wish bridesmaids were as easy to deal with!!). This would also be a huge cost-savings to us…especially because we are getting married in NYC! What do you think?
Post # 3
Well, a major question would be, have you already asked them? If you have, you might be losing a couple of friends if you ask them to step down.
In all honesty, maybe just go with the policy of “the more, the merrier.” I mean, at least all these people want to support you on your big day! If it really is a cost thing though, perhaps you could cut back elsewhere?
Post # 4
Agree with cinemaparadiso. Did you already ask everyone? My feelings would be pretty hurt if I was asked to be a bridesmaid then “reassigned” to another role.
What would your cost savings be by eliminating people in the wedding party? Are you buying their dresses? Gifts? Maybe you could cut back in other areas…?
Post # 5
4Bridesmaid or Best Man and 4Groomsmen isnt huge. And like the 2 said above, if you asked them already, you shouldnt really ask them to step dwn or take alternate roles. 12 is a big Bridal Party but only the Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsmen stand up there with you. it wont look out of place. I had 6 BMs, 6 Groomsmen, 4 flower girls, 2 ring bearers (dogs) and 4 nephews doing various things like lighting the altar candles and ushering. I had a party of 22, but it didnt look that big because only the 6 and 6 stood with us.
Post # 6
I also agree that 4 BMs and GMs is not “huge.” I’m having 8 on each side and a flower girl (so 17 total) and having 150 people at the wedding.
Post # 7
I third the “don’t unask them” opinion. It would cause some hurt feelings for real! They would be all like “Why does Tiffany get to be in it but I have to leave? Do you LIKE HER MORE?” Oh the drama that could cause.
Post # 8
I agree with the others too, you will hurt your friends’ feelings if you “un-ask” them
Post # 9
If you’ve already asked them, it’s pretty rough to “unask” them. Just think about how you would feel it you were being reassigned.
Post # 10
I agree- if you’ve already asked them, don’t “unask” them. That’s a slap in the face. If you haven’t asked them, the could be readers, musicians (if they have the talent), or honorary BMs/JBMs. They can always just help you out with anything thats needed, but then they might be expected to be in the wedding. 4 on each side isn’t a lot. I have 6 on each side + 3 kids. We’ll have 2 readers & 4 musicians.
Post # 11
My best friend had 8 BMS and 9 GMS …. That was a huge wedding party but they had the venue for it so it worked. I would imagine that half of that would be pretty small. If you already asked them, I wouldn’t ask them to step down.
Post # 12
i’m in the same boat my bridal party is huge and the bm are pains and the only person I want standig by me now really is my sister lol.
Post # 13
I ran into this problem. We’re having about 50 people at our wedding, but originally, it was going to be around 100. Well, I have my Maid/Matron of Honor and 6 bridesmaids (2 are FI’s sisters) and Fiance has only his best man. Talk about an uneven bridal party.
I felt it would look strange to have so many people stand up with us for such a small wedding, so I’m having the six bridesmaids walk down the aisle and then loop around to the second row of seats for the ceremony, instead of standing up front.
This way, I can include all my closest friends in this honor, have them in pictures, and still keep the aesthetic of the small wedding.
Post # 14
I had this problem. I down sized by telling them that I needed them for more important roles. I am on a budget and needed the extra help else where. THIS WAS AFTER THEY WERE ASKED and they understood. I am sure that it was not right of me but I had to do what I had to do for my financial state.