(Closed) HELP! this weekend we’re dropping the bomb: no church wedding for us!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would not tell them during this weekend…I would tell them you are still discussing/looking at wedding venues…..

It’s easier to tell them ina  shorter visit so you will have less stress…

Post # 4
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@smcs28:  Good idea plus maybe start with the convalidation. I could see them just tuning out in shock when you start with, “so no church wedding…… BUT WE’RE GETTING a convalidation!”

Post # 5
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yeah thats a tricky situation. But you have to remember that its all about you and him. Its not about his parents or your parents. You shouldn’t have to do it one way just because they expect you to. Just relax and don’t stress out! Everything will be ok:) Gently explain to them that this is what ya’ll want. You can’t make everyone happy, but you can make YOU happy:)

Post # 6
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oooh, if it were me, I would not want to share potentially stress-causing news while I was stuck out in the middle of nowhere with them for 4 days. 🙁  That conversation could make for an awkward 4 days.  

Can you guys call them together this evening and tell them?  I understand it would be hard for it not to come up, but if you’re there, and they ask, as another PP said- maybe tell them you’re still considering venues.

I mean, have you put the deposit down yet?  If not, it’s really not a lie- you haven’t committed completely to anything yet.

 

Good luck 🙂

Post # 7
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Im athiest, my Fiance is catholic, his Dad (mom passed away) is a serious, fish on friday, church several times a week kinda of catholic. When we said we were getting married his father immediately said we had to get married in the church. Fiance just looked him right in the eye and said “No, we are not. It is our wedding and our choice and you need to repsect that”. He hasnt mentioned it since. Be strong, stand your ground, and good luck!!!

Post # 8
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Rrabbetsgirl:  Wow. He is brave! It’s great that he stood up for ya’lls choices like that:)

Post # 9
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ecstaticfuturebride:  Maybe age is a factor, he’s in his late 40s, parents no longer have any influence. I feel for the OP but they need to do what makes them happy on their day.

Post # 10
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Best of luck. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Breaking parents’ expectations sucks, but you shouldn’t be forced into a wedding you don’t want.

Post # 11
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you do plan to tell them on this trip, I’d advise you to wait until the tail end of the trip. The last thing you want to do is to tell them on the first day. If there’s a bad reaction, you have the tension for the duration of the trip.

Post # 12
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good luck. 

I suggest something a little different — is it too late to tell them over the phone? That way they can get their initial reactions out privately once you hang up, instead of things being awkward and you’re all stuck together in a vacation house. And that’s worst case scenario–they might be ok with it, mine shocked me by being so easygoing about my beach wedding (this, after she spent years telling me “[name], i pray to god every night that you’ll be married in a catholic church” — seriously). Anyway, they might be ok with it and all this is for nothing, and showing up you’ll either be relieved they surprised you, or at least prepared to discuss further, after time to cool down, and you don’t have that weight on yourshoulders. Personally, I couldn’t go four days without saying anything – I’d be terrified of wedding convos and it would stress me out so much that I couldn’t enjoy it. 

 

Post # 14
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@bostongirl27:   Well, you’ve got that going for you.  Are the owners religious at all? I’m wondering if it might help if you said something along the lines of “We looked for a church to get married in, but they were all so expensive.  These sweet, sweet (insert denomination) people have offered us the use of their beautiful facility for just peanuts! It just makes more financial sense”

And then include that your ceremony will have x, y, and z elements, just like a church wedding would have.

 

I know it’ll be hard for him no to say anything right away, so if he does, have a backup.  *luckluckluck*

Post # 15
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

@bostongirl27:  No idea how to break it but good luck! Where are you getting married? I am in CT too.

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