(Closed) Help! Trying to be happy for my cousin but….

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrnmrsJMC:  I would be worried about the same things given the red flags you’ve described. Whether or not you bring it up (IMHO) depends on how close you are to her. If you guys aren’t really close but you think it’d be approrpriate, maybe you could discuss this with a mutual friend or relative and decide whether to bring up the issue with her – in a gentle, non-ambush-y type way, of course. This is a tough one but you’re a good person for trying to protect her.

Post # 5
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

I understand that you’re worried about her but she’s a grown woman and she has her own life.  If she wants to get married to her SO sooner rather than later, it shouldn’t bother you in the least.  If someone had said something similar to you about your FI, you would have been pretty upset, I imagine.

People around us make their own choices, and while we think we might know better, we really don’t.  So wish her well and get on with your wedding planning.

Post # 6
Member
650 posts
Busy bee

I would stay out of it and trust that my cousin is mature enough to make teh right decision, just hope for the best for her and leave it at that because you might just come across as jealous or wanting to ruin it for her especially if her mother is on board and doesnt think its too soon

Post # 7
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The women I have spoken to IRL that managed to get out of difficult relationships all seemed to say that once they found someone else it wasn’t long before they knew their next partner was ‘the one’. Maybe because of the bad experiences it’s much easier to figure out what you really want? 

 

Your cousin is lucky to have you looking out for her 🙂 but it sucks that your gut is telling you to worry. I’m with PPs, there’s not much you can do but let her make her own mistakes. 

Post # 8
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, I’m with pp’s that you’ll have to let her make her own mistake. I also am on team human and believe it is totally allowed to have weird feelings about the situation. You’re entitled to all the opinions and feelings you have on the matter. Don’t be hurtful, but if you wanna come back in 9 months if they break it off and gloat like crazy- do it man. Sometimes I think people forget the point of venting here is that we can’t do it irl. 

Post # 9
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

I don’t think you can say anything, even with the best intentions, because it will never be taken that way. I’m pretty close to all my cousins, but whilst there are things that perhaps I want to say as a helpful hint, I know it wouldn’t be wise.

All you can really do is hope for the best!

Post # 10
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrnmrsJMC:  I understand your concerns and agree with them. 

But I don’t think you should say anything, it will cause a rift between you 2. She is most likely blinded by her feelings for this boy at the moment. Also, she is a grown woman and needs to be able to make her own mistakes, otherwise she will never learn on her own. All you should do is be there for her when this whole thing blows up in her face and everything between them goes to crap.

Post # 11
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Not that I don’t think that she may be rushing it, but I would like to make one point about one thing you said. You said the young man has not been able to keep a job. I am just wondering, if your cousin is a business woman, maybe her FI will end up being a stay at home daddy? Husbands work and take care of their family. What’s wrong with the other way around? Also – I am six years older than my husband and we met when he was 22. A little older, but similar. We did not get engaged until he was 24 (almost 25) though and almost three years into our relationship.

Post # 12
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that you shouldn’t say anything because based on her past, they’ll end up being broken up soon anyway. I agree with the PPs that she needs to make her own mistakes…if you say anything it’s just going to be taken as you being unsupportive and won’t likely change anything because it seems she has her mind made up for the moment. My husband has a similar friend on facebook who was all set to get married to a guy she had known for TWO months if that, and they postponed the wedding and are now broken up after around three I think (they’d even gotten the marraige license). Once the reality that things aren’t going to change and he isn’t going to magically mature overnight set in, she’ll probably break up with him and move on. Or he’ll magically mature overnight and things will work out. Either way, I think you’re totally justified in how you feel, but need to try to be as supportive as possible even though you have reservations.

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