(Closed) Help, trying to save money but FI is stopping me! Rant but help.

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 4
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I felt the same way when we were discussing our budget… I wanted a small wedding in order to save money and have it be intimate, but my fiance wanted the standard big blowout wedding because he is incapable of envisioning something outside the norm.  So instead we’re having a big expensive wedding and I’m working full-time, going to school part-time, and working part-time, in order to make it all work for the big wedding.  I won’t lie, I have some resentment sometimes, but in the end I know it will be worth it.  I also knew a DW would mean my family wouldn’t be able to be there, and that was important to me, so we’re having a wedding at home.  I think it will be worth the extra money later.  I hope you find the same!  However, I will say I think you should try to lessen the alcohol costs if most guests won’t be drinking… try for a BYOB venue maybe? that way you only pay for what you want to supply.

Post # 5
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If he wants a big wedding and you don’t then let HIM plan it. I bet after talking to a few venues around here he’ll change his mind pretty quick! As for your family…there is nothing you can do about that. I certainly wouldn’t pay for them! We are having a DW to help save in costs as well and if people choose not to come then it’s their loss.

Post # 6
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Historic Chapel

Honestly I think that your wedding day is supposed to be all about you not anyone else! You should do whatever you heart desires after all this is your day not anyone elses, so dont let them influence you into what they want(this happens to so many brides!) and regarding the money issue if you FI wants such a big wedding with so many thing you feel are unnecessary than I say you let him pay everything that is extra that you feel like you don’t need and then we’ll see if he rather have a big wedding or a small wedding!

Post # 7
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@kayberry:  

 

Sounds to me like you will both have to compromise… Your suggestion for the bar was a valid one, I am surprised he didn’t budge on that.

 

How about you ask him for a top 3: 3 things that are must haves. And you may also pick a top 3 (some of them might be the same as your FI 😉

 

If you guys are wanting to do this on a budget, which is smart because these things get out of hand FAST – I had a budget and still managed to blow it, like by thousands of dollars… :(, you (he) will have to realize that you can’t have EVERYTHING.

 

Honestly, all of it is fluff. The wedding industry implants in our minds what we think we need for the perfect wedding day, when in reality, you know what you want and need to make YOUR day special. The wedding industry wants you to spend as much as possible. By going against the grain A LITTLE, your wedding will stand out and reflect who you two are as a couple.

 

Good luck hun! Hope I was helpful, even if it was just a little lol

 

Post # 9
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

A few thoughts:

1. You can’t control how your family spends their money. They’re adults and they’re entitled to make their own choices. Your FI is 100% in the right on this. You can’t force other people to change, and whining about it to your FI is obnoxious. Decide how you are going to act, knowing what you do about your family’s spending habits, and then drop the subject for good.

2. Both of you need to learn to compromise. If saving money and having your family present are the most important things to you, perhaps you should suck it up and pay to have your family attend, or cover some component of the cost such as accommodations. (How much would this add to the cost?) Likewise, if a wedding with all the trappings is really so important to your FI, then maybe he needs to agree to a small (say, 60 person) wedding to keep costs down.

3. Going into debt for a wedding is the worst thing you could possibly do. Not only is it a foolish way to spend your money, but debt places a huge strain on a marriage. In fact, a couple’s financial situation at the time of marriage is one of the strongest predictors of marital success. Divorce rates for couples with under $10,000 in assets at the beginning of their wedding are vastly higher than for those with healtheir financial footing.

Post # 11
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@kayberry:  I wouldn’t pay for your family. Eeek.

I would have a serious chat with him. Does he have a clue what it all adds up to?

What future goals do you have? If you want to buy a house, have a baby, go on holidays… and so on, how does spending $25K on a wedding affect those plans?

I know that for some people the wedding IS the most important thing, but for others it is not. For us, the wedding is extremely low on the priority list. Engagement ring comes first.. then things like vacations do. Sacrificing a lot for ONE day doesn’t make a lot of sense.. especially since you’re against it.

Post # 13
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He needs to compromise on something. Getting married on a Friday usually saves a lot of money (depending on the venue) and that way he could still get most of the other things he wants. We’re getting married on a Thursday (ugh. Not because of money and not my first choice), but we are saving a ton with all of our vendors.

Having a smaller wedding also allows for you to be more lavish without such crazy costs, so maybe consider cutting the guest list? We’re having an open bar because it was included in our package, but I think a free beer and wine bar is just fine honestly.

Post # 15
Member
9145 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@kayberry:  Sit him down and show him the two budgets side by side.  My FH wanted the big elaborate wedding (200+ guests at the country club) too while I wanted to elope.  He had no idea what it would cost so I sat him down and starting going through the budgets.  I also said that if wanted to spend the extra money that he was going to have to come up with it because my family already paid for my first wedding and won’t be paying for my second.  Once he saw and heard that he quickly agreed to the more modest budget for an intimate wedding (50 guests on the beach.)

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