Post # 1
Member
45 posts
Newbee
My Maid/Matron of Honor is planning a surprise shower for me (which I know some details about because people aren’t so good at keeping surprises). It is being hosted by someone who is not on my invite list to the wedding as I have only known her for a little while. She knows she isn’t invited to the wedding but apparently doesn’t care/understands that I haven’t know her long and is hosting the shower anyway. Is this incredibly weird? I kinda feel like I am then going to be obligated to invite the host to the wedding now and I really do not have a spot on the list for 2 more people budgetwise. Also, if I invite her to the wedding I feel like she is going to know I felt obligated. I feel like people are going to wonder where she is at the wedding..
I feel incredibly grateful for the shower, but I just feel like this is odd and there has to be somebody else’s house (MOH lives 1 hr away) in my area where most of the guests are that she can use for the shower. I even offered several times that we could do it at my house, I know that is kinda odd as well but I feel like it might be less awkward than this situation is right now.
Any thoughts/ideas/solutions?
Post # 3
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
I’d just suck it up and invite her to the wedding. If you really can’t swing it, I’d talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her that you feel really, really uncomfortable and don’t want to have it at her house.
Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper
I would also just suck it up and invite her to the wedding. If she feels close enough to you to help host a shower for you, then she should probably score an invite. Sorry!!
Post # 5
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
Did you Maid/Matron of Honor know that this friend wasn’t invited? If she did, why did she agree to it?
I have to agree, though, you need to cut back somewhere else and invite this person (and maybe even a +1, depending on her situation).
Post # 6
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
I’m going to disagree with the other ladies and say you don’t have to invite her. The shower is her choice and you shouldn’t have to feel an obligation to invite people unless you really want them there.
But, that’s just me 🙂
Post # 8
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
I agree. If she knows she’s not invited and is still throwing a shower, well, that’s her deal, not yours. People are in charge of themselves. That’s like the #1 rule of being a grown-up. But it would be nice of you to send her a thoughtful thank you gift for her time and trouble. I think that would be appropriate.
Post # 8
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
She knows that shes not invited, so I think you shouldnt feel obligated to change that. If you do have someone who backs out- shoot her an invite, but dont go over budget because you feel obligated. If she is someone who you do really want to be there, invite her anyway and figure out how to pay for it. But it should be your choice and you shouldnt feel guilted into it. Good Luck!
Post # 9
Member
45 posts
Newbee
@KoiKove: The Maid/Matron of Honor does know that the “host” is not invited.
Post # 10
Member
45 posts
Newbee
@2PeasinaPod: Thats the thing…I don’t know her at all really. We work together and say the usual polite “hellos” and “how are yours?” but really thats it…she hasn’t worked here for very long.
Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
I would invite her honestly. It’s the right thing to do, even though you didn’t want her to she is doing so much to help celebrate your big moment and not asking for anything in return. She deserves an invite IMO.
Seriously you will have close friends and family disappoint you in the time leading up to the wedding, the people like this girl who are willing to be so selfless for you should be put on a pedestal. She might decline the invite, but she should be invited.
Post # 12
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper
How did your Maid/Matron of Honor decide to ask this particular person?
Post # 13
Member
45 posts
Newbee
@oracle: I’m not sure. I’m guessing she mentioned it to her that she was looking for a place and she volunteered. It is a friend of hers that just started working with us (work in a huge center where we all do different things so its not like we work together persay). I guess she felt like there was no other place to hold it, although I’m not sure why that would be the case as most of the women coming are from my area.
Post # 14
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
@moderndaisy:I completely agree. Hosting a shower isn’t a small ordeal. It would be nice of you to invite her. Who knows, maybe this will kickstart a great friendship!
Post # 15
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
I wouldn’t invite her. She knows the situation. Send her a thank you card for hosting and maybe a gift card and leave it at that.
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