(Closed) Help!? Uncomfortable Wedding Shower Situation.

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
3968 posts
Honey bee

@MDbride2011:  because of the relationship (she’s a co-worker) I’d opt NOT to invite her.  Do you hang out with her socially outside of work?  And, while I know it’s at her house – is she invited to the shower?  I ask that because I have a friend who lends his house out for parties and usually leaves for the event (not that I’d expect her to not be there).

Post # 18
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d say that you are not obligated to invite her, but it’s probably the right thing to do.  Her kindness should be reciprocated.  Also, it would ensure that there are no more uncomfortable situations for either of you in the future.  If you are already uncomfortable with the thought of having her host your shower, imagine how awkward you will feel at the shower itself when everyone is gushing over your wedding.  Imagine how awkward when you open a beautiful gift from her.  Imagine how awkward when you come back to work after the wedding and see her…you get the idea.

Post # 19
1094 posts
Bumble bee

No, I do not think that this is “incredibly weird”. It is generous and hospitable — virtues that are, fortunately, more common than the news and magazine media make us think. Some people love society, enjoy the vicarious romance of dings even when only distantly involved, and really do things — even for strangers — purely out of the goodness of their hearts.

You are quite right that if you were to invite this lady, she would know that you were just trying to pay h back for her generosity so as not to feel obliged. That would be unkind of you, and it would denigrate her gesture into something selfish and mercenary.

You do not owe her an invitation. She might not even want or enjoy an invitation. All you owe her is a cry gracious thank-you, and if your thanks come with a thoughtful but token-value gift, so much the better,

Post # 20
28 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ok I’m going to disagree with everyone here.  I don’t think you have to invite her.  I mean if you could afford to invite everyone, then you would.  But you can’t and there are probably other people that you wanted to invite too, but couldn’t.

I’m having such a hard time with this and getting overwhelmed with trying to please everyone.  You just can’t do it.  It’s lovely that she is doing this nice favor for you, but you didn’t ask for it.  Just send her a nice thank you card.  

I’ve made the mistake of inviting that extra person.  I’ve had several people invite themselves to my wedding.  What started out being a simple and small wedding has snowballed into a large wedding that I’m completely over budget on and now have to find extra tables (since my venue only provides a certain number of tables) and hire a valet service for parking, etc.

A lot of friends told me, oh you can afford one more, but you do it once and then since you invited that one person they ask, why aren’t you inviting so and so if you invited that other person?  You are so much closer to so and so then you are to this one person.  It goes on and on.  Ugh.  Sorry you are having to deal with this.  


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