Post # 1
So I have this dilema and I need the advice of the experienced etiquette bees. This Time Around please weigh in.
So last year I was invited to my ex-co-worker’s wedding. At the time that I received the invite I was not engaged to my Fiance but we had been living together for aorund 4 years and were well established socially as a couple. When I received the invite it was for me only. Subsequently to that I received a bbm from the ex-co worker telling me that because of space restrictions she could not invite my boyfriend at the time and that when she received RSVPs she would see if she had space, in which case he would receive a late invite. I said okay. He did not receive the late invite.
I spoke to my boyfriend about it and explained my reservations about attending the wedding without him. He said that even though he felt slighted, that I should go, so I went against my better judgement.
I am now planning my own wedding. When we began sorting out the guest list my Fiance had one request, that the ex-co worker not be invited as he had felt slighted by her for her wedding. I should also say that my Fiance is otherwise not a fan of the ex-co worker and finds her annoying.
So I did not include her on the list. My inivites have been out for sometime and since then I have not seen the ex-co worker. Yesterday my Maid/Matron of Honor, who is best friends with the ex-co worker asked me if i was inviting the ex-co worker to my wedding. I told her I was not. She told me that since I was invited to the ex-co worker’s wedding, there was a social expectation that she would invited to mine, and against that background, if i were not iniviting her I would have to communicate that to her and could not leave the issue unadressed.
Now personally I am a bit taken a back by the suggestion as I think it will be very odd and awkward for me to call this girl and say “well i was just calling to let you know that you are not invited to my wedding”. I mean, how will that come across?
So bees I need your advice. What do I do in the situation? If you were the ex-co- worker, what would be your expectations and how would you feel if you received such a call?
Post # 3
I would not call her. I think it would be rude of you to call her to tell her she isn’t invited. You don’t owe her an explanation for not inviting her to your wedding. Your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to stay out of it.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t do anything. Especially since it doesn’t sound like she’s a friend of yours anyway (you keep calling her “ex-coworker”).
Post # 5
You do not have to invite someone to your wedding just because you were invited to theirs. It’s also rude to call and tell someone they’re not invited. I would just not say anything, and if this person has the nerve to call you out of the blue and bring it up, then just tell them that due to space & budget restrictions you were unable to include her/them on your guest list.
Post # 6
No, you do not have an obligation to invite her. You are not obligated to call her and tell her that either!
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@drod: She told me that since I was invited to the ex-co worker’s wedding, there was a social expectation that she would invited to mine, and against that background, if i were not iniviting her I would have to communicate that to her and could not leave the issue unadressed.
Your Maid/Matron of Honor is wrong. You do not owe her any explanation for not inviting the ex co-worker to your wedding. Just because she invited you to her wedding does not create a requirement for you to invit eher to your wedding. You have final say on whom is invited and you chose not to invite her.
Even if the ex co-worker expects an invitation, that does not mean she must get one. Are you even friends with this person irl? When is the last time you hung out with them outside of work? Apparently she has said something to your Maid/Matron of Honor and honestly I would politely ask the Maid/Matron of Honor to mind her own business.
Post # 8
she should be the 1st person to understand “limitations” due to anything – space, money, availability and not question it… i’d say that to your Maid/Matron of Honor and leave it at that. Any newly married woman “gets” that the budget is the budget, space is space, and when the limit is hit there’s rarely wiggle room.
Post # 9
There is no social expectation that if you are invited to someones wedding you must invite them to yours. And there is no need to inform this girl why she is not invited unless she asks (which would be rude on her part).
Leave it be!
Post # 10
Calling her to tell her she is not invited would only call attention to thso situation and to do so would be very rude. She may be expecting an invitation, but you are not obligated to invite everyone who expects to attend.
Post # 11
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@drod: LOL to your Maid/Matron of Honor. No, you do not need to call your ex co worker and tell her that she’s not invited to your wedding, the lack of an invitation does that just fine! Maybe you want to tell Maid/Matron of Honor to stop talking about your wedding to ex co worker tho!
Post # 12
You have no obligation to invite her or call her to tell her she isn’t invited. Actually, it seems a little mean to call her just to let her know she isn’t invited.
Post # 13
I think the rude thing would be to call her and tell her she’s not invited. The way she knows she’s not invited is not getting an invitation.
Also there is no need to invite someone just because you went to their wedding. If that were a rule where would the cut off be? Do you have to invite the 2nd cousin you haven’t seen in 15 years just because you went to their wedding when you were 5? It’s silly logic.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t call her. Your guest list is your own creation, and you don’t have to justify it to anyone else.
Post # 15
you are under no obligation to invite her to your wedding.
i would also not call her to tell her that she is not invited. that would just be rude on your part. “hi, i’m just calling to let you know that you are not invited to my wedding.” that would sound like you were rubbing it in. i don’t know why your moh would think this to be etiquette.
Post # 16
I invited some people to my wedding because they invited me (and I went) to theirs. Granted, we’ve now drifted apart and I don’t think they’ll come.. but I digress. I did it just out of my own personal beliefs, but everyone has their own wedding plans, budgets, etc. so it’s not a tit for tat.
And as far as an explanation for not being invited goes? Um no! Seriously, who expects that? That’s crazy. I think the not getting an invitation is an explanation enough.