(Closed) Help!! Urgent Advice Needed!!!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
295 posts
Helper bee

I would not call her. I think it would be rude of you to call her to tell her she isn’t invited. You don’t owe her an explanation for not inviting her to your wedding. Your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to stay out of it.

Post # 4
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wouldn’t do anything.  Especially since it doesn’t sound like she’s a friend of yours anyway (you keep calling her “ex-coworker”).

Post # 5
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You do not have to invite someone to your wedding just because you were invited to theirs.  It’s also rude to call and tell someone they’re not invited.  I would just not say anything, and if this person has the nerve to call you out of the blue and bring it up, then just tell them that due to space & budget restrictions you were unable to include her/them on your guest list.

Post # 6
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

No, you do not have an obligation to invite her. You are not obligated to call her and tell her that either!

Post # 7
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@drod:  She told me that since I was invited to the ex-co worker’s wedding, there was a social expectation that she would invited to mine, and against that background, if i were not iniviting her I would have to communicate that to her and could not leave the issue unadressed.

Your Maid/Matron of Honor is wrong.  You do not owe her any explanation for not inviting the ex co-worker to your wedding.  Just because she invited you to her wedding does not create a requirement for you to invit eher to your wedding.  You have final say on whom is invited and you chose not to invite her.

Even if the ex co-worker expects an invitation, that does not mean she must get one.  Are you even friends with this person irl?  When is the last time you hung out with them outside of work?  Apparently she has said something to your Maid/Matron of Honor and honestly I would politely ask the Maid/Matron of Honor to mind her own business.

Post # 8
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

she should be the 1st person to understand “limitations” due to anything – space, money, availability and not question it… i’d say that to your Maid/Matron of Honor and leave it at that. Any newly married woman “gets” that the budget is the budget, space is space, and when the limit is hit there’s rarely wiggle room. 

Post # 9
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

There is no social expectation that if you are invited to someones wedding you must invite them to yours. And there is no need to inform this girl why she is not invited unless she asks (which would be rude on her part).

Leave it be!

Post # 10
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Calling her to tell her she is not invited would only call attention to thso situation and to do so would be very rude. She may be expecting an invitation, but you are not obligated to invite everyone who expects to attend.

Post # 11
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@drod:  LOL to your Maid/Matron of Honor.  No, you do not need to call your ex co worker and tell her that she’s not invited to your wedding, the lack of an invitation does that just  fine!  Maybe you want to tell Maid/Matron of Honor to stop talking about your wedding to ex  co worker tho!

Post # 12
7217 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You have no obligation to invite her or call her to tell her she isn’t invited. Actually, it seems a little mean to call her just to let her know she isn’t invited.

Post # 13
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think the rude thing would be to call her and tell her she’s not invited.  The way she knows she’s not invited is not getting an invitation. 

Also there is no need to invite someone just because you went to their wedding.  If that were a rule where would the cut off be?  Do you have to invite the 2nd cousin you haven’t seen in 15 years just because you went to their wedding when you were 5?  It’s silly logic.

Post # 14
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t call her.  Your guest list is your own creation, and you don’t have to justify it to anyone else.

Post # 15
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

you are under no obligation to invite her to your wedding.

i would also not call her to tell her that she is not invited.  that would just be rude on your part.  “hi, i’m  just calling to let you know that you are not invited to my wedding.” that would sound like you were rubbing it in.  i don’t know why your moh would think this to be etiquette.

Post # 16
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I invited some people to my wedding because they invited me (and I went) to theirs. Granted, we’ve now drifted apart and I don’t think they’ll come.. but I digress. I did it just out of my own personal beliefs, but everyone has their own wedding plans, budgets, etc. so it’s not a tit for tat.

And as far as an explanation for not being invited goes? Um no! Seriously, who expects that? That’s crazy. I think the not getting an invitation is an explanation enough.

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