- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
not even sure where to begin – here’s some background. My SO and I recently celebrated our 6th anniversary; we met at 18 and are now living abroad studying law. We talk about engagement and marriage in very concrete terms; we have chosen an engagement ring (affordable) and now it’s mostly down to ‘when does this make sense for us?’.
– the dreaded jealousy! a childhood friend of mine got engaged this morning, when i remarked that to my SO he said, ‘every day, just like clockwork!’ he’s kidding – but seriously, it’s an endless freaking parade on my end, while his friends aren’t even in the ballpark. So obviously this affects me more than him. and yes, i am aware that jealousy is bad, and remind myself that it’s not a race etc.
– money. please bees in grad school/on a budget, help me! how did you manage to get engaged/married on few funds? we spend a fortune living abroad and paying international tuition, when we leave here we’ll have few if any savings, and will still need to write expensive transfer exams etc. this logically equates to ‘wait until we’re settled’ but that could be literally 3 or 4 years from now (after exams, articling and hired at a job) and …..no. just no. how will we manage?
we both suspect that our parents will help, although that’s not a question we can answer before we get engaged. i know that a wedding can be as cheap or inexpensive as you make it – but we are both likely to be the only wedding either family throws and feel immense pressure to include everyone in our celebration. to make things even more difficult (haha, wish i was kidding!) it will be an interfaith marriage and we are from different cities approx 2000 kms away.
– my SO has started to make comments about how we could drop out and have a baby (!) which he is JOKING about – but he is sad that we are approaching 25 and still students without a place of our own (to be fair we have a lovely 2 bed apartment) and that we feel we have to wait to get engaged and married to be responsible. the idea that we will delay having a home and family until around 30 ‘gives him an ulcer’ haha.
it’s starting to depress us that getting engaged is something we feel we need to ‘fit in’ around everything else and that even if we’re engaged sooner than later, planning and saving for a wedding will be a giant chore (especially from another continent) or that our families will think that we should have waited another few years to be settled.
part of the reason that we want to be engaged sooner than later is because we need to make some serious decisions regarding where to write transfer exams, write the bar and where to live; we want to make these decisions as an engaged couple; but our families are VERY logical and may wave that off.
holy smokes – i’ve written a novel, thanks to anyone who’s read it, advice is appreciated as we’re both feeling very discouraged at the moment.