Help! Wanting to Cancel Wedding and Elope!

posted 7 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: Should we cancel the wedding and elope?
    Yes! The saved money will do your marriage good. : (48 votes)
    75 %
    No, you're too far in the planning. : (4 votes)
    6 %
    No, you'll one day regret cancelling the wedding. : (12 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Although this issue didn’t come up during our wedding, I would do what will keep you both sane.  As long as you not losing all your money and you can still have your family to see you get married, focus on your schooling instead of the wedding.  Go to JOP w/ just your core family and go out to dinner.  Then go on your honeymon.  I know ppl will be upset but you don’t need to flunk out of school so that everyone can say they went to your wedding.  In the summer when you have a break, have a backyard BBQ and celebrate w/ your family and friends. 

    Post # 4
    291 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Oh… I don’t have that opportunity, but if I did, I would take it and run.  🙂


    Post # 5
    1144 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Sounds like you got bullied by your parents into something neither of you really want. I’d just elope then let them know, or tell them you are eloping but don’t give much notice, tell them to be there or be square and just do it!

    Edit: If you elope I would give ALL 10,ooo back.

    Post # 6
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    As long as you and your fiance are both on the same page with wanting to elope I’d say go for it and dont look back. It sounds like your priorities are in the right place. Its not worth going through all that stress and have your grades suffer as a result just to please other family members. I gave into all of our family and extended families demands for a big wedding and have regretted it ever since. The decision if you choose to elope might ruffle some feathers among family though, but remember its your and your future husbands day. So if how the wedding is turning out is not in line with what either of you want then I think its time to elope!

    Post # 7
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If your wedding is costing you 7000 can you hire a wedding planner for 1000$ and still have 2000$ left over for a more local honeymoon and maybe a little to put away? I wish I had eloped sometimes but I think if everyone is especting the wedding at this point in the game try to make it work. Also I would ditch the engagement parties and bridal teas and just do the bachelorette the evening of the shower and thats only one day lost to all those pre wedding parties. 

    Post # 8
    1844 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think if you haven’t sent out the invitations yet then you are still safe. 200 People!? Seriously? if all 200 of those people are people that you genuinely want there and would be heartbroken if they missed it then fine, keep them. but if it is at all an option why not take that number, cut in it half (or even 1/3) and take the extra money lefy from those place settings etc. (200 people at 12-ish a plate is nothing to skoff at if you are trying to build a savings)

    I agree with previous posters that it sounds like you are being bullied by your family in to doing something you don’t want to do.

    If it isn’t going to make you happy don’t do it, if it is going to cause stress and anger between you and your Fiance, don’t do it. If it is going to put you in to (more) debt or cause you to depleat your savings DON”T DO IT!

    Post # 9
    1844 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @naturalysam:  Another brilliant idea, I totally agree, smaller wedding and have a wedding planner do it for you.

    Post # 10
    134 posts
    Blushing bee

    I vote for cancel the wedding you don’t want, give back the money that comes with strings, and make yourselves happy by eloping.

    Post # 11
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2006

    I would have eloped with my SO but I didn’t pay for the wedding (my parents did) so I had a wedding like they wanted. 

    If you elope, which sounds like a great idea, I wouldn’t recommend keeping your parents money. They gave you the money to fund your family-oriented wedding (unless I’m wrong) and you wouldn’t be giving that to them.

    So I say:

    1. Continue with the family wedding, which your parents are paying for.

    2. Elope, with your own money, and return the money your parents contributed.

    Post # 12
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I vote elope all the way. My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony because neither one of us wanted the stress and monetary strain. This decision has only been reaffirmed time and time again as we watch friends have a terrible time choosing to have a big ceremony. It’s fun for some at first, but I haven’t known a single person who didn’t want to quit by the end. 

    Post # 13
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My Fiance went through law school, and I feel for you as a student. A Big wedding is not worth sacrificing yout grades and all that hard work. If you family is not willing to step up and help with the wedding they bullied you into, please do yourself a big favor and have a smaller shindig. You can always plan a bg housewarmkng party, graduation party or just regular blowout when yoj are done with school and invite everyone.

    Post # 14
    1 posts
    • Wedding: August 2012

    This sounds similar to my situation.  My fiance and I are wanting to elope due in part to the stress of wedding planning and the strain it’s putting on realtionships with our families, but we feel tied into the wedding because of about $1500 of non-refundable deposits.  Did you decide to elope?  If so, how did you break the news to your family?  I would love to learn from your situation!

    Post # 15
    6123 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    In your situation, since your families care to see a wedding, I’d elope, or just have immediately family as guests, take them to dinner and that’s it.   The key would be to just send them the invitations to this wedding/dinner and see them there.  Once you start “running it by them” to get input, you’ll get the naysayers.  You’ll get, “Why are you inviting Aunt Cindy and her four kids?”  If your family remains as just guests and invited via an invitation, then you don’t really complain afterwards! 

    It’s like the people who don’t tell you the names they are considering for their newborn child until after the baby is born and named! 

    You’re not out a whole lot and frankly that is enough to buy your sanity back.

    My family was not the type to help at all.  I don’t think one should expect anyone to help with anything.  You’re assuming they should help, and you are dissapointed, yet you are the one getting married.  Maybe just change your expectations on that just a tad to avoid the disappointment.


    I too am curious as to what you decided!

    Post # 16
    389 posts
    Helper bee

    Don’t cancel the wedding, but do postpone the wedding.  Why not just have a small engagement party brunch at a local restaurant with your closest family members and announce that you will postpone the wedding until next year.  Have a simple brunch, a beautiful cake, a champagne toast and call it a day.  Give cash back to mom that is leftover and you both elope.  When you get back, send out announcements indicating that you will be celebrating your nuptials the following year.  Your folks will be disappointed, but they will understand.  You need to focus on your studies and not on wedding planning.  What’s the point of planning a wedding when you are both broke and miserable?  



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