(Closed) HELP! We can’t pay what’s owed on our wedding

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 152
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I really like the idea that PP suggested about having it potluck. That would cut what you owe in half. And if your super close to all 400 guest I don’t see why they would mind, they’ll be happy to celebrate with you.

Post # 153
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can understand how the move may have been very expensive. First, last and security to get into a house or apartment in the Bay Area may have been 5k or more. Plus a moving truck and driving 2 vehicles halfway across country isn’t cheap. We are looking at moving across country and it will be very expensive. However having 14k already paid in cash on the wedding in the last 3 months is a little weird if you’re currently maxed out from the move still. That’s a lot of disposable income for anyone to come up with in 3 months.

Post # 154
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I hope I dont sound like an a-hole here, and please let me apologize if i do, but if I had to take a loan out, balance paychecks every week or even have to consider selling my e-ring, I would NOT be having a wedding. The end result is what you are working for, not the glitzy glam party to entertain 350 friends and family.. cancel all of it and elope. You may lose a bit of deposit but thats better than stressing and balancing and worrying about how you are going to pay for your wedding when you have zero money to do so..and at the end of the day, you will still be married.

And honestly, Im shocked that anyone would spend $500 on invitations!  We spent $30 on our invites at Target and they were GoRgEoUs! By all means, to each their own, if you can afford to or want to spend that much on PAPER, then kudos to you.. we definately can “afford” to, but we are very financially savvy and chose to spend that money elsewhere.

Best of luck to you, I hope everything works out well.

Post # 155
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@BackyardLoveBird:  Fellow Arizonian:)  I love your ideas, I was going to suggest the very same things…

The linen and china budget… wayyyyy out there, cancel that if possible, no one will care. 

Shoes: 150 bucks, return!  and sell your other shoes on Craigslist, and keep a few pairs you already own and wear one of them for the wedding.

I think your catering budget is okay.  but 1000 dollars for liquor?  Can you down size?  Get a couple of kegs…  a few big bottles of cheap vodka, and rum with mixers (no one will notice) and this should cut this down by AT LEAST HALF… Especially if its in a back yard.  Kegs and liquor bottles are okay.  Maybe get a friend to bartend as a wedding present, and perhaps people will tip them and then they will be paid too…

I say too, make your own appetizers…

I am also shocked to see the cupcake budget.  Sams club sells 50 cupcakes for like 30 bucks (or maybe more in your area, but still more affordable probably than wherever you ordered them)from walmart or samsclub, costco, etc…) .  They will decorate them to your own colors.. in fact, walmart, or other grocery stores will do the same thing, so this may be an option.

Also, if you have any designer clothing, sell it on ebay, craigslist, etc…  and yes, take that part time job making 8 bucks an hour… it does be 0 dollars an hour and know you aint gonna keep it after the wedding is paid off.

I don’t suggest taking out more loans.  This will NOT be a good start to your marriage.  But I seriously think you can return/exchange those 150 dollar shoes.  and that will be a tiny bit of money at least…. 

Just some suggestions.




Post # 156
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

350 people with 2 drinks each is 700 drinks.  If you did 1/3 beer and 2/3 wine, it would be 466 glasses of wine, or 93 bottles.  If you got $4-$6 wine, it would be $373, let’s say $400.  Beer would be about another $350 for 234 beers… unless you got a keg or cut beer out entirely.

Looking at this this way (I’m a research nerd), I would recommend getting 2 big bottles of vodka, offering screwdrivers or vodka cranberries as mixed drinks in small clear cups, then doing about 75 bottles of wine (try Barefoot or something similarly inexpensive) to last as long as it could.  If you made the mixed drinks in pitchers, you could have one person tending bar without it being unmanageable.

Post # 157
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012


At this point my mind is boggled completely, but I do know this: you should absolutely, positively strongly consider cancelling/post poning this event.  You’re in way too far over your head and will only get further in debt by going through with it.  As a guest contributing to your honeyfund I would be SUPER disappointed and kind of pissed to find out that you created that account to basically accept donations to pay for the wedding itself.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with biting the bullet, admitting that you just simply don’t have the funds to put on this event, and postponing/cancelling until you have the means. Even if you find ways to go through with this you’re entering into your marriage with huge lingering debt, which is really no way to go.

Elope or go to the courthouse, and maybe you can do a big blow out vowel renewal down the road.

Post # 158
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Great googly moogly-I don’t even KNOW 350 people! If you are stuck with that many people then make it a potluck. You honestly don’t have any other option here. And alcohol is not necessary, it’s a LUXURY, that you don’t have the funds for right now. Cash in your maxed out credit card miles for the plane tickets. Return your shoes and head to Payless. A live band is ALSO a luxury you don’t have. 350 people+live band=music fest. Sell those favors!

that’s all I got…

Post # 159
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@mhackney21: What have you decided?? I hope you didn’t get scared off by all of our comments, lol. 

I know a lot of people have brought up being confused at why the OP had such high moving costs and wanted to remind you all that she actually addressed that in previous responses–it sounds like she had to pay off the mortgage of her previous home and fix it up to try and sell it. Just wanted to clarify that since this thread kinda exploded and I think some people missed that post.

Post # 160
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I see no difference in using the money your guests gave you for the honeymoon to pay for the wedding and simply telling them to pitch in by bringing a dish and a 6pack. At least asking for help is in no way misusing funds intended for something else. I have very few friends who will even come over to my house without ‘something from the store’.

It’s pretty clear you are still really hung up on your ‘perfect dream wedding’ which is understandable, but if you can’t let go of the higher priced items there won’t be a wedding at all.  If eloping sounds better than a potluck with friends that’s obviously your call- but I think if I told my friends AFTER inviting them to my wedding ‘hey I couldn’t afford it so we eloped’ they would all tell me I was an idiot and say something along the lines of ‘why didn’t you ask for help? I would have pitched in.’  They will want to celebrate with you- it will be worth $15 to them. 


Post # 161
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Don’t spend more money! Do you really want to enter a marriage further in debt than you already are?

Ok first of all, $500 for cupcakes sounds like a lot. Can you DIY (or get your family to help?) or just cancel?

$1500 for a band (something that is definitly a want, not a need) is easily done away with. Use an iPod, nobody will be paying that much attention, that years down the line they’ll say “oh do you remember so and so’s wedding? I can’t believe they didn’t have a band’.

$8 p/h is an absolute joke and I can’t believe it’s even legal, BUT it’s better than nothing. Like others have said, sell stuff you don’t need, we all have junk around the house.

In a lot of ways it sounds like you’re trying to throw a party for your friends rather than have a wedding. Priorities…

Post # 162
4334 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

OP, you keep saying that you *are* “financially responsible,” and it’s just the move and FI’s job that has put you in a weird situation, but unfortunately, if you bought shoes for $150 (even if you justifying that it was for once in your life for your wedding,) while having ANY debt, than sorry, but you ARE financially irresponsible, and I sincerely hope that you are able to get some financial advice/help.

(there’s this store called payles…I’m just saying…)

Sorry to be so blunt, but as PP’s have said, I truly hope you see how serious this is, and that it’s about a much bigger issue than the wedding.

Post # 163
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So many good suggestions just remember this….. a wedding isnt about the decor, food, music, etc.

Its about celebrating the love of you and your fiance.

Personally, I would call his mom and your mom and ask them to make phone calls and arrange for their friends/family to bring a dish and have a buffet potluck. Since both of them are short on cash themselves, I am sure they would be honored to help you and give this to you as their “gift”.

Rent a speaker and use an Ipod.

Dont buy plane tickets.

If you are dead set on the shoes, place clear packing tape on the bottom of them and wear them. Then after the wedding, remove the tape and return them. (they will still look brand new and no one will ever know the difference).

Bring your own alcohol… serve off brands. Have a friend make the drinks. Personally, I found it was cheaper to buy liquor than beer and wine considering you get 40 shots from a bottle.

There are lots of ways to cut costs.

The most important thing is dont lose sight of why you are getting married. Going into debt over a ‘dream wedding’ makes for a hellish marriage. So not worth it!

Good luck to you.

Post # 164
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Just saw this, and I’ve got a couple of thoughts on “finding” emergency money:

1. Do either of you have a 401K or IRA? If you do, see if you can take a loan from it – usually the rates aren’t too terrible, and you just pay it back by payroll deductions.

2. You haven’t mentioned what sorts of bills you and your Fiance have to pay, but if you have student loans, consider calling and seeing if you can get a forebearance for the next 3 months – it might give you a little extra cushion to help pay off this wedding stuff.

Other than that…I’m not going to beat a dead horse, many, many people have already offered a lot of suggestions about re-prioritizing elements of your wedding, or asking for help from any/everyone possible, or getting a P/T job – I would suggest looking into ALL the methods mentioned here, and seeing what you can pull together – you’ve only got a short period of time to make this work, so don’t waste time stressing out, try and string together a bunch of smaller suggestions, and see what you can do. Good luck!

Post # 165
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I would recommend some of the same things the other bees did. We had a garage sale to help raise money. I also posted random things on Craigslist and ebay to help make some extra money. Give that a try. Maybe even visit some banks and apply for personal loan and make sure you communicate with your vendors.


Hope it all works out for you!

Post # 166
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Another suggestion for rentals would be to get the cheaper chairs.  We got the fold up wood chairs (because I liked those better anyway) and they were like $1.50/chair and the other ones were like $8/chair.  We saved a huge chunk that way.

Also do an ipod reception.  We suck at ipods…we totally don’t understand them, but we were able to download a ton of music that we liked (and amazingly it was more than 5 hours of music) and it just played randomly throughout the wedding.  We only had to create different playlists for before the wedding (classical/wedding music) my walk down the aisle and return, and our first dances.  We had a friend man the ipod.  Also we had a friend announce when certain things were to happen.

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