(Closed) HELP! We can’t pay what’s owed on our wedding

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 167
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would just go the vendors you still OWE and be honest; I’m sure you wont be the first to have an emergency or have a set back impose.

I imagine they’d be happy to collect their money and do the job they were hired to do, but as long as they get paid, within a reasonable amount of time!

Best of Luck! xo

Post # 168
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know there’s a ton of replies to this already, but my take on this…

1. Even if you were 100% sure the money would come through, your priority needs to be clearing debt before you take on more. What’s done is done, but your future is still salvagable.

2. Cancel what you can. All of it. You’ll still be married without a live band. 1500 bucks is a lot of money–it’s what I make (net) in a month with a pretty good part-time job. The money you’ve already paid out is sunk costs. Anything you haven’t is recoverable. It’s tempting to say, “But I already spent X on this and if I don’t pony up this much more I’ll lose it!” Lose it. Lose the caterer, lose the band, lose everything that isn’t already paid for. “Need” is an illusion, and attachment is the source of suffering, so meditate, take some deep breaths, and rid yourself of the attachment to having the wedding as you originally dreamed it. Love the wedding you have. See it as a tribute to your tenacity and resourcefulness in the face of hardship. But don’t screw yourself with it. The media is lying to you: no one will think you’re a bad person if you don’t have all the regular trappings.

3. Potlucks are awesome.

4. If your friends will seriously be ANGRY at you (not mildly disappointed) for not providing a wide range of plentiful alcohol (you could do two-buck chuck for considerably less than a grand), they are a-holes. You should not remain friends with anyone who gives you serious crap about it. Warn people ahead of time it’s not going to be a crazy open bar. Maybe some of the a-holes will decide not to come.

5. Get a part-time job. Note: stripping is not as lucrative as it might seem like it should be. But places like UPS have pretty intense short-term jobs around the holidays, Value Village hires for back-to-school, there are options. There is no such thing as a job you’re too good for. And if you’re sitting at home stressing about your money, you might as well be out there doing something about it.

6. Own up. Take responsibility, and with your Fiance, lay out a financial plan to pay off what you’ve currently racked up and to avoid ever ending up in this kind of situation again. You’ve been on thin financial ice twice lately–if you don’t get aggressive about getting back onto solid ground, emergencies will keep happening, because that’s how life is. Stuff happens.

Post # 169
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@CupCakeMeg: And YES. Your vendors will want SOME money, rather than none. Negotiate wherever possible. Start with honesty. Don’t let anyone guilt-trip you or shame you into paying money you do not ABSOLUTELY NEED to pay.

Post # 170
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I know that you have already received a lot of tough love on this thread, but I think you really needed to hear it.  You need to go to the library and borrow a Suze Orman book, asap.  She will strongly disagree with your claim that you are financially responsible.  Before making any discretionary big purchases (like, say, a wedding), Suze recommends that you have an 8-month emergency fund.  That’s 8 months of rent, car payments, living expenses, etc.  It is quite evident that you didn’t have that before you moved, and you said yourself that the decision to get married came after your move. 

At this point, you need money, and fast.  I would walk over to your closet, and pull out about half of the outfits to sell on ebay.  Especially if you have nicer stuff, you will make money that way.  I regularly see people spending over retail buying stuff from Anthropologie on ebay.  Movies you’ve already watched, books, video games, all of that stuff goes for good money on ebay and half.com.  You said that you have a storage unit, which means you have stuff that you are not using.  Any of the furniture, sell on Craigslist.  Chances are the money you make selling stuff is going to be more than what you would lose by cancelling the wedding now. 

Cutting your discretionary spending for two months can actually make you a lot of money.  Cable/internet bill: $200.  If you go to the movies once a month, $35. If you go out to dinner once a week, $320.  If you get coffee out twice a week, $50. Cancel Netflix, $20. Bringing a sandwich instead of eating lunch out, $200.  If you drink a bottle of wine a week, or a 6-pack of beer, that’s $80.  Right there I saved you over $700.  It’s not going to pay everything you owe, but it puts a dent into it. 

I have to agree with everyone’s comments about cutting the band. Even renting good speaker equipment will cost you much less. Return the shoes if you can. You’ve mentioned that your wedding is fairly casual, so could your FH wear something he has instead of a new suit? What about khakis and a blazer, or khakis and a nice shirt (I’d imagine he will be quite hot outside in Texas in a suit). 

Finally, I have to suggest that you sell your engagement ring, or return your wedding band. I looked at your profile and saw the other thread where you posted a picture of them, and I think that your ring would bring in quite a bit of what you owe. 

Post # 171
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m not going to be the one to yell at you.  I think we have all had one point in our lives where finances were tight but it is important to learn from that and not just live in that. 

1.  I love the show Downsize on WE.  It gives great tips on how to save and its nice to see a real side of this poor economy we are living in.

2.  Your wedding is clearly out of budget.  Do anything you can to reduce costs.  Ditch the band and use an mp3 player instead.  Return the shoes and find something in your closet that would work.  Return any wedding day accessories (veil, jewelery, etc.) and ask family for your something borrowed.  Speak with the caterer and ask if there is any other way to reduce costs.  Choosing different menu options could easily save you $10 a person and possibly DIYing your own appetizers.  Make the only drink options iced tea or water and maybe send out an email to all guests mentioning that no alcohol will be served but feel free to bring  your own bottle of wine/champagne to help celebrate the day.  That might also help keep people from bringing a case of beer and getting sloshed.   As much as you wanted these things you need to be realistic.  You can make it work but you just need to get rid of some of your luxeries.  And after the wedding sell as much of it as you can (dress, shoes, decor, etc.) to help you start your marriage off right.

3.  Please do not get another loan.  The #1 cause for divorce is money problems.  The two of you need to find a way to work through this and make better choices from this moment on.  Most employers have complimentary financial planners for their staff to use.  Use them for advice in plannign your future.  The last thing you want is to begin your marriage with a load of debt and financial stress.  http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1355/is_n1_v91/ai_18930297/

Post # 172
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry, but why would people give advice to take out personal loans or borrow against a 401K? If there is already so much personal debt in place that a person needs to take out a high interest payday loan to pay bills; to me that’s just being even MORE finacially irresponsible. I’m sorry I’m just not understanding this logic.

Post # 173
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@mhackney21: Any updates?  Just wondering how things are coming and if you’ve found any solutions?  Hope things are looking a little brighter.

Post # 174
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@MissGreen: I suggested the 401K thing because, while its not an IDEAL option, it is your money – and I’m definitely not saying take the whole thing out, lump sum – that has crazy bad tax implications. But, sometimes, you can borrow some portion of it, and pay it back via payroll deduction. This actually just came as news to me – I was reading the literature on my own 401K and saw that taking a loan, at 4.25%, was possible. Its an option the OP or her Fiance might have, and at this point, things seem sort of desperate for them. We all need to try and be a little less judgemental – making this poster feel bad about some bad financial planning decisions she made isn’t helping the situation.

Post # 175
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

View original reply
@greenmint:

No but she’s also been given some poor advice and that isn’t helpful either. Doing something to further debt in order to pay for a wedding that is basically a luxury not a necessity is unwise and to lead someone on to believe that’s ok is just as hurtful.

Post # 176
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I served in a bar for a while in Kansas City and would walk out with over $200 most nights!  I’m sure in California you can make a lot more, too.  I think getting a PT job is the way to go, at least to help, and personally I found serving to be a lot more lucrative than retail (though anything helps!).  Also, I know this is a longshot, and way you can as FI’s work to front a little money???

I have to agree with almost everyone.  When it comes down to it, the important part of the day is getting to say I do and have your friends and family there to celebrate with you.  They won’t care if you have to do potluck, or even get a bunch of you family and close friends to make some of the meal (I haven’t read all of this to know if you can cut back on your catering…maybe have them smoke the BBQ and you guys provide the sides?).  And, I know this one is hard, but don’t supply alcohol.  I agree that you can ask you close friends and family to do this for you as a gift. 

The bottom line is that starting your new lives in a huge amount of debt is going to be really challenging.  It would be so much better to try and cut back anything and everything; call the vendors about payment plans.  I am so sorry you have to go through this, but you’ll come out the other end stronger 🙂

Post # 177
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I noticed you said your wedding is in Dallas, but your wedding bee location says Newport Beach, CA …if that is where you live, it is a rather expensive area could you move some where cheaper to save money?

 

EDIT: OOPS! I just noticed your wedding date 9/24, I guess there isn’t enough time to try to find a cheaper place to live. =( Sorry.

Post # 178
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

same thing happened to us i hustled and babysat,cleaned houses of my families, recycled cans (even my grandma and grandpa helped), i figuared out really cost effective dinners that were healthy and cheap!!! theres a lot you can do!!!

Post # 179
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Please dont take this the wrong way… if you cant afford “it”, then dont “buy it”. I think is very irresponsible to have a wedding if you cant afford it. First you need to take care of the debt you already have (credit cards). Second, you need to let go all the things that you already paid for (deposits for example) – Those are sunk costs. Most likely you will not be able to get that money back, BUT AT LEAST the amount you owe is not increasing. Keep it simple. Have a backyard wedding. do your own catering. Lose the band. Do your own favors, programs, etc…. You can still have a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank. Yes, its important to have a beautiful wedding. But its even more important to start your new life debt free. 

My budget is $12,000 without going into debt. However, I am trying to keep it below $3000 because I’d rather save that money for a house down payment, or put it towards our retirement acct. I am either doing my reception in a backyard, or at the clubhouse. I am also doing all my invites, programs, favors, etc. and we are using an ipod.

Please be smart about this 🙂 and remember… what makes this day special is not the venue, the band, or the expensive food…. What makes this day sooo special is the fact that you are marrying your best friend. If your “guests” are going to criticize your wedding, then maybe they are not very good friends, and you should not invite them in the first place…

Post # 180
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have a feeling we aren’t going to get an update….

Post # 181
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@organicgal: I know! So disappointing!

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