(Closed) HELP! We can’t pay what’s owed on our wedding

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 78
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Aubergold:  I’m not a fan of dry receptions, but when you’re right; you’re right.

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@mhackney21:  Make the wedding BYOB or cut booze out.

This is still doable and will be great, but I honestly think that you need to face facts.  You’ve planned a wedding that you can’t afford.  I think that you need to accept that (which is really hard…I get it).  Once you start looking at contracts and figuring out what you can cut, scale back on, etc. and come up with a plan, you will feel so much better.

Your friends and family love you.  All they want to do is celebrate with you and your Fiance.  I would adjust your thinking to making this a huge family/friends BYOB BBQ that is also your fabulous wedding.  I would (if you can’t borrow enough chairs and tables) turn it into a picnic as well.  


Post # 79
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Have a cake & punch reception. I did that & no one complained, they were just happy to see us be married. I just went to a friend’s wedding last month & they did the potluck thing & it was great! Honestly, if you’re that maxed out o

Cancel the plates/ silverware, etc. Go to the Dollar Tree/ Dollar Store & buy a few packages of plates (they have wedding themed ones) & napkins & plastic silverware & cups… will likely cost you $20 for everything.

Seriously, who cares if you can’t afford to feed everyone if you’re maxed out on your bills! What are you going to do after your wedding? How will you eat/pay rent after your wedding? I would MUCH rather love to go to a fun, potluck or even cake & punch wedding than know that my food hurt your newly married life. As a guest, I would feel HORRIBLE to do that to someone I cared about.

Post # 81
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

$8 per hour is better than $0 per hour, isn’t it?  Get working.  Get selling on Craigslist, too.


Please, please listen to some David Ramsey.  I think he puts things in perspective for people with debt.

A free Dave Ramsey podcast (you can also listen live each day on his website)

Post # 82
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

A lot of my thoughts and suggestions are already echoed but most of the costs that are still due seem to be things you aren’t fully on a 100% fixed cost for so you are lucky on that. In addition to what is suggested, have you thought about only inviting adults and changing the guestlist? Eliminating children and those “extended” members could help out a lot. 

to go line by line on what can be helped:

Caterer:  $3500 – (pot luck this or negotiate to see if anything can be changed, even cutting minor stuff could be highly effective. $1 per person is still $350! so 50 cents would be $175. Every little bit counts. Or make just appetizers and then you can put the money towrads the liquor if that’s what you feel is more important. Also could eliminate the need for as many chairs and tables. Make it standing)

Beer and wine:  $1000 – (BYOB or nix all together. Are they really your friends if they wil be offended without liquor? The last few weddings I’ve been to were cash bars and no one was offended. In fact, if you tell people that they can bring their own alcohol they might like it better cause it’d be more cost effective than having them pay per drink at a cash bar. I think I was even at a wedding where someone brought a bottle of vodka to the hotel room and drank before heading to the reception. Not a big deal at all! Especially since it’s your parent’s property)

Fiance Suit:  $200 (Try to rent or stop scavaging through ross/burlington coat factory/marshalls/nordstrom rack/ebay/etc. OR you can see if he knows someone of a similiar size he can borrow from)

Plane tickets:  $500 (Call the airline and see if a lower rate comes up or what the cancelation fee is. Or plan a few days ahead and drive the distance. I know CA to CO isn’t exactly close but the gas will be much less and you can haul stuff with you to save on baggage costs and stuff like that)

Shoes:  $150 (see if you can exchange these for something less expensive. Especially if your shoes don’t even show)

Band:  $1500 (check to see if you can have a smaller band and get a portion of it back. Maybe you can change it so you only have a few members and reduce the cost? Or see if you can cancel it and find a cheaper DJ or another band on craigslist or something)

Cupcakes:  $500 (Depending on how many you are ordering, see if you can get a refund on it and then make your own or have some of your friends help you? or family help out? You already said you are ordering less than what is needed so it’s completely do-able)

Tables, chairs, table cloths, silverware, plates:  $2400 (Depending on whether you rent or bought them or whatever the situation is, figure out what the cancelation or change fee is. Maybe you can change it to a standing reception or change it up for cheaper chairs? or cheaper options to each one.)

Lights (for outdoor reception):  $500 & Candles & Votives:  $100: Pick one or the other…. Even a $100 saved is $100 you don’t have to spend. That is providing that you can return these items.

Post # 83
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mhackney21:  honestly, no.  I didn’t want to say that before cause I know how attached to my wedding I am, but your situaton sounds a bit dire.  Even if you lose deposits, it’s not like you can have the wedding anyway. I would go elope and get my financial situation in order.  Life is not fun when you are drowning in debt.  A wedding wont make the debt better. 

Post # 84
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honestly, postponing the reception isn’t a bad idea. I live in California, and it is not cheap out here! You need money to recover from the move and for your living expenses. Have a reception on your 1st anniversary next year. That way, you can plan the reception of your dreams and you will have plenty of time to save!

Post # 85
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@mhackney21:  Can you cancel the caterer?

What, if anything, can you cancel?


Post # 86
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Its garage sale season. Have one get rid of the things you dont need and dont use anymore. Other than that I cant give you any advice that hasnt already been given. Try a loan. Payday loans are bad news with really high interest but if you make it your mission to pay it off with money you recieve from the wedding it wouldnt be a terrible idea. 

Post # 87
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with some above but I would say maybe eliminate the beer and wine and change the catering to appetizers only. People wont mind that much and really enough appetizers are like a meal.

To go really cheap you could possibly nix the caterer all together (lose the deposit even if you paid one) and just buy stuff at a place like Costco. Like finger food and just set it out. That would probably only cost you a few hundred.

I got married last month and was in a similar situation. We cut down on the food and drinks. People didn’t seem to notice or care.

Post # 88
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would totally love a potluck wedding! But I’m a sucker for potlucks.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think you would regret calling the whole thing off! You need to take a few days to mourn the wedding you planned, then get on board with changing the style of this shindig to fit into your new budget!

Post # 90
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Is it just me or does this budget breakdown seem a bit too simple and unrealistic (for 400) to begin with. I worry that you will actually owe much more than what you have listed. Things always cost more and i think you are missing things on this list …

I’m really sorry this is happening and i’m not judging you for wanting to have a wedding … 

Post # 91
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow, 350 people for 2 acres?! I live on over 5 and there’s no way that would work! Honestly I think this just grew bigger and bigger and got out of hand. In My Humble Opinion if it was me? I’d either cut out the alcohol and cut down the type of food and make it BBQ style like BYOB or potluck or I’d cancel it and do a private ceremony. Honestly at the end of the day all the stress and possible new debt is NOT worth ruining the best day of your lives over.

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