(Closed) HELP! We can’t pay what’s owed on our wedding

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 92
2637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Jeannine @ Small Chic: absolutely. I was going to suggest Dave Ramsey already! 

It sounds like if you’re up to <here> in financial issues already, then it appears that this was a major problem before you even started wedding planning.

Plan the wedding, eliminate everything possible like PP”s have said (like the band, alcohol, and food!) and then get financial help! seriously! (I mean, not actual money. like, help in how to manage your finances!)

Post # 94
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Elope and be done with it. Then, get some financial counseling so this never happens again. Going into a marriage with that much debt will be crippling, so which is more important–the marriage or the wedding?

Post # 96
4 posts

we are planning, paying and putting together this wedding ourselves so to help with costs my future hubby and i are gonna have a small wedding and have our “wedding celebration” & honeymoon on our one year anniversary. we are having family and friends help with pictures, drinks, food, cake and whatever else we can utilize skills and talents of family and friends :-} if we can turn to our loved ones at a time like then then i’d like to know when is a good time.

Post # 97
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mhackney21: I hate this recommendation, but I did it, so whatever. Do either of you have any life insurance policies that you can either cash out or borrow against?

From reading this sweetie, I think you need to postpone. It will make things so much better and you will not have compromise on your big day. Please, Please consider this option!

Post # 99
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Cancel, postpone or elope.

You’d be absolutely bonkers to take on more debt when you’re already swimming in it.

A wedding is nice, but it won’t put a roof over your head, pay hospital bills or keep the lights on. 

Post # 100
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I totally understand why reading this thread would upset you BUT i also think people have provided advice …real advice.

You should walk away from your computer now. Go make yourself a cup of tea. Calm down. 

Post # 101
104 posts
Blushing bee

Sorry you’re so stressed out about this!  It sounds like your Fiance had an opportunity that you guys jumped for and the pay off just isn’t coming as fast as you’d hoped.  Fingers crossed that things turn up and your leap of faith is proved worth it!

As for the wedding/budget: You said that your friends would flip over a dry recpetion; could you confide in some of those close friends and ask them if they’d provide the booze as a gift?  I agree with the other Bees that $1000 for alcohol is an expense that needs to be on the chopping block, but if you had a bunch of people chipping in, it’d be doable for a group of, say, HS buddies to cover it as a gift.  I agree with everyone saying that the shoes should probably be returned/sold and you should wear something cheaper that you already own, and that if your Fiance already owns a suit, it would make sense to wear that instead.  I also think you should call the caterer and see if they can set up a payment plan for you.  Even if they end up charging you a little more for doing it that way, it can’t be worse than taking out a payday loan (and food’s your biggest expense/what you’d be taking the loan for, it sounds like).  

If you haven’t bought your tickets yet (I’m not clear about that) – try Priceline/Expedia/Kayak and consider all the airports you could possibly fly through to find the cheapest combination.  Do you know anyone who works for an airline or might have frequent flier miles they could use to book tickets for you?  Maybe even ask for them as a present from someone you feel close enough to confide in?  I know other Bees have suggested driving, but that’s a really long drive and with your situation what it is (maxed out cards, etc) I’d fear that if something happened en route – the car broke down, overheated, got in an accident, whatever – you could end up in worse financial shape than the prospective savings are worth (and given gas prices, a motel room unless you drove 20-some hours straight, etc, I’m not convinced you’d actually save anything).  

Post # 102
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mhackney21: credit cards being maxed out and three pay day loans is not ideal not matter how you slice it, Im sorry.  If you used this route to pay for the wedding till now, it’s still not that financially responsible.  I know it sounds harsh, but I NEVER EVER want this to happen to ANYONE.  A wedding is frivolous at the end of the day you can’t plan it out of uncertainty.  I really am sorry for you.  I would be devastated if I couldn’t have mine.  It’s hurtful.

Post # 103
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mhackney21: You’re saying you maxed out credit cards and took out pay day loans on a move that happened 9 months ago?  I was under the impression that pay day loans were short term loans for people who can’t get loans otherwise.

It might help to make a spreadsheet.  You’ve paid out $14,000, but how much debt to you have?  Does it makes sense to pour more money into the wedding when you have debt?  Wouldn’t it feel better to chip away at the debt?


I moved a great distance 6 years ago.  The expense was paying the movers (okay, and packing materials).  How did your move put you in such a hole?

Post # 104
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@mhackney21:  Age has nothing to do with whether or not you are responsible or good with money. 

As of right now, you have absolutely no savings, lots of high interest debt and are living well beyond your limited means. 

None of this means you are a bad person, but it does suggest that you and your Fiance need some assistance regarding long term financial planning.

ETA:  I realize I sound harsh, and I want to be clear that I’m not judging you at all.  But I’ve seen the chaos and heartache that comes from enormous debt first-hand, and it’s awful.  My ILs are basically underwater, but they refuse to change their spending habits and make the sacrifices or learn the lessons reuired to get themselves out of the hole.  I shudder to think what would happen if one or other of them should fall ill or be unable to work because putting food on the table would be a major problem.

Post # 105
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think lots of people have given you some great advice…but I don’t see where you are taking any of it? 

I had a backyard wedding, for a lot less people, but we bought nice throw away plates (got them at bed bath and beyond on clearance) – why don’t you buy throw away plates (like clear plastic at party city).  That will save you a ton on renting linens and plates.  We bought clear plastic silverware and rolled them up into napkins and I thought they looked nice.

We also didn’t do a caterer.  We got some meat, cheese and veggie trays and did a make your own sandwich bar with gourmet breads.  I don’t know how that would work with a lot of people, but maybe do snacks and appetizers?  Costco has mini quiches, spanakopita, cream puffs, etc.  Get some chips and dip?   People LOVE crackers, cheese, and fruit.  I went to a dessert only reception a few weeks ago and that was fine – it’s whatever you can afford!

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