Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
My fiance and I have gone back and forth and cant come to a solution. We have tried on numerous occasions to hang out and make an attempt to like her. Fact is its just not going to happen the thought of her makes my blood boil, however we do love the bestman he has been a friend for many many years we dont want to cause any waves with him but he pretty much knows how we feel about her. We dont think she is going anywhere they are approaching their 2 year anniversary so counting on them breaking up isnt to realistic. Honestly all of his/our friends dislike her but he loves her…..what do we do?? Would it be wrong to ask him not to bring her?
help!!
Post # 3
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
Unless she is an axe murderer, you really have no choice. Invite her.
Post # 4
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
If she is an axe murderer, she could be useful as unpaid security.
But in all seriousness, it’s very unfortunate but I think you do have to invite her. You could keep her away from you by seating her far away, and maybe ask some of your friends in your group to keep her engaged if anyone is more okay with her than the rest of you guys. You’ll cause a lot of trouble if you don’t invite her; she can use that to drive a wedge between you and your friend. I wouldn’t blame him if he took her side on that one.
Hopefully he’ll grow out of her.
Post # 5
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
Honestly I think you may just have to invite her because her and the best man are in a serious relationship. The only reason you may be able to get out of having her there is if she did something to you or your fiance personally that would impede you from enjoying your wedding if she was present. If you think she may cause a scene at the wedding then I would kindly ask the best man to leave her at home. Most likely she may keep to herself and you may not even know she is there.
Post # 6
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
Eeks, that’s a toughy! I think it would be more harm to NOT invite her. I say just allow her to attend but keep distance you know? I mean, its not like you have to spend every minute around her
Post # 7
Member
3993 posts
Honey bee
If you want him to resent you and you want to risk your FI’s friendship, that’s the only way not inviting her will fly. Because it will make waves. Wouldn’t you be offended if someone did that to you if your SO were in a wedding? Even if you KNEW you weren’t their favorite person? Plus it’s possible that she is this man’s future wife.
Otherwise you just have to deal. We don’t like one of our GM’s girls, she is a gold-digging psycho. But hey, what can ya do other than be cordial and not be around people you don’t like. In the grand scheme of your wedding, one guest you don’t like isn’t a biggie.
Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
I was worried you all would say that….does it make a difference if she does cause scenes and then plays the victim. Or that I chose to not drink around her and enjoy myself out of fear of being mean or letting my true feelings come out…. which has happened on numerous occasions always instigated by her!
Post # 9
Member
3605 posts
Sugar bee
you are going to have to deal with unpleasant bitchy people for the rest of your life – just have to learn to suck it up and smile or at least be above the theatrics of the person
you hate her but currently your best man loves/likes her and part of being grown up is being able to say you choose/love your friends but you dont have to love their partners (i say this as i cant stand my best friends sperm donor baby daddy but we agree to not let it affect our friendship)
hopefully one day she burns one bridge too many but in the meantime she is his choice
Post # 10
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
@shorttot: If you’re worried she’ll cause a scene, I would do this in a round-about way…call a meeting with your entire bridal party. Best Man, Maid of Honor, Groomsmen, Bridesmaids…and then say, “We really appreciate you all standing up for us at our wedding! We love each and every one of you and want you to enjoy your night. We do want to let you know, though, that we’re a little worried that a few of our rowdier friends and family may start to make a scene…if you could please keep an eye out just to make sure the party stays fun for everyone, we would really appreciate it!”
That will make him conscious of the fact that a scene is not a good thing and he’ll probably nip it in the bud if his girlfriend starts. He’s the best man, afterall, he’ll be really embarrassed if she does something after you’ve asked them to be on the lookout.
Truthfully, as long as you have enough guests you won’t BE around her. Surround yourself with your besties when you have an opportunity to let loose and have some fun when the meeting and greeting is mostly over, you’ll barely notice her.
Post # 11
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
I believe if you honestly believe that most likely she will start something with you on your wedding day, then I think you may have to talk the best man into not bringing her. You deserve to have the best wedding ever and if being around her, or her around you is going to for sure cause some problems then you have every right to not want to invite her. I would just be sure I couldn’t trust someone to handle themselves on my wedding day before I would univite them. Do you think not inviting her would cause less problems than if you did?
Post # 12
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
I agree with HappierKate. You can’t not invite her, but you can try to head off trouble.
Post # 13
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
hate is a strong word. What did she do that is so bad? Either way, it’s not right to tell your best man not to bring her. He may resent you later. I dont like my sister’s boyfrined, she is my maid of honor, but cant tell her not to bring him. We’re all grown ups and respect each other. We don’t have to like each other.
Post # 14
Member
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
You know how much time you interact with any one person at your wedding?
Like 3-5 minutes, if you’re lucky.
This is not worth using energy over….you’ll not even notice she is there the day of, I promise.
Post # 15
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
It makes no difference if she has a habit of causing a scene. She is the best man’s girlfriend. Anyone in a relationship must be allowed to bring their significant other.
What if he ends up marrying her? Do you really want to have committed this etiquette slight?
Post # 16
Member
2623 posts
Sugar bee
If you like him, tolerate her, who knows if the whole group dislikes her she may decide not to come. I think being that they have been in a relationship for over a year it would be rude to exclude her.