(Closed) Help. Wedding Dates- How close is too close?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

Are both weddings in the same city?  If they are in different cities it might be an issue.

Post # 4
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’m sure a lot of people will say it’s a problem but really, when you think about it, are you happy your cousin is getting married?  Of course!  So why not be excited they’re as happy as you are.  IMO the only reason it would stress me out is that I’m sure you have a million and one things to do the weekend before the wedding.  It just means you’ll have to be more organized and make sure everything is done before hand so you can enjoy the day (and dream about your day!).

Post # 5
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I dont think under any circumstance should any couple have to choose their wedding date "around" other peoples wedding dates.

 I totally agree that it was probably a little "eyebrow raising" for them to do so, but really…its their wedding and their business.  That doesnt mean you dont have the right to feel hurt/annoyed by it, but really think that a wedding date is so personal to a couple, it shouldnt be dictated by "convenience".

 This is a little rough on your family though!  My cousin is getting married the week before me as well (within 30 miles of me, although none of our family lives in the area).  Lots of our family will probably just stay through the week, which makes it convenient.  All in all, I’m excited that I have a relative to share in the "wedding progress" with!  

I think both parties (you and your cousin) have to be okay with the fact that some relatives might not be able to make it to both…although I have a feeling those closest to you will "make it work"

 Good luck!  All in all you have to just sit back, and roll with it.  Our wedding date is competing with a big high school graduation in the family.  All you can do is laugh!

Post # 6
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks

Yikes, that is a bit tricky!  But if your date has been public knowledge for months, then hopefully all your relatives are already preparing to go to your wedding, so if equally close relatives have to choose between which wedding to make it to, yours should (hopefully) get top priority.  And any eyebrows being raised will be at THEM not you. 🙂  That said, I think their date choice definitely wasn’t tactful (and it would have been nice to ask you first), but I agree that no one should "have to" alter their wedding date based on when someone else’s wedding is.  Regardless, good luck!!

Post # 8
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2008

They probably didn’t plan on having the date so close on purpose, so don’t blame them. I chose my date more than a year in advance, but some friends of mine, who were also planning their wedding, decided to take the week after ours (about 6 months before the wedding) – since it was the only date available for their venue.

We talked about planning weddings all the time, but they didn’t bring up the date until I asked, because they were slightly embarassed to plan it so close to ours – but they had to, so it’s really not their fault. So that may be the reasoning behind your cousin not "asking" or "preparing" you – they may be a little ashamed to have planned it so close, knowing that yours is already set in stone.

just be happy for them, and if they can’t come to your wedding, it’s not the end of the world. it’s two less people to feed 🙂 the only thing was that we were sad we couldn’t make it to their wedding.

Post # 9
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

What about if you went to the ceremony but declined from the reception?  Being a soon to be bride herself I’m sure she’ll understand why you’re tied up that weekend.

Post # 10
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I would try my best, like AmandaRyan said, to at least attend the ceremony.  I understand that you have family and friends in town, but this is one of your family’s wedding day, not just a friend in town, and by not coming i think it sends a strong message to them that you’re pissed.

Try to be the bigger person in the situation…try your best to attend…it will save you a lot of family headache and gossip, i think!

Post # 11
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m in the same boat – but ours was done on purpose.  My fiance’s sister is getting married the week before us.  My fiance’s mother requested that we do it this way in order to facilitate all the out of town guests and family they will be inviting.  It’s not ideal, but it’s also not the end of the world. 

I think you should plan to attend your cousin’s wedding.  Just don’t stay super late if you are worried about over-doing it.  My biggest concern with my situation was that people would compare the weddings (half the guests will be attending both!) but I got over that completely because I’m too excited about my day!  I’m excited for my fiance’s sister too and it will be fun to go to her wedding.  We will have two completely different weddings and it’s basically a week long party!  You could even consider planning a staggette party with your cousin (if you cousin is a girl!) and just have fun with it. 

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

i do think you have the right to talk to her about her plans and tell her that you hope she will be attending your wedding because you want her there. If she doesn’t come to yours due to honeymooning I don’t think her choice of dates was very tactful. But I agree that you should still attend hers and be the bigger person.

Post # 13
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

As mush as I know if this happened to me I’d be really peeved – I would never expect anyone to move their dream around me. I have a friend geting married 2 weeks before me, and she’s no problem with our wedding (which was planned after hers)

I think her giving you a heads up would have been polite, but requiring her to change her date or not plan in the month you’re getting married is rough. Maybe they ran into conflicts with venues that were booked, or had other reasons.

I totally understand why you’re upset – I would be too – but I think that you may just have to vent it out on here and to family, and deal. Sorry hun! 

Post # 14
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Vent alert!!! 

The same thing happened to me.  My first cousin is having her wedding banquet 2 weeks before my wedding.  I told her that I was a bit annoyed that it was so close together and so people would compare them.  She went and tried to talk to her mom about it that night since it really is the mom’s decision to have it on that date and they ended up in a big fight.  Then her mom called my mom and started saying unpleasant things and basically freaking out.  Now, her mom (my aunt) is pretty much telling everyone in the extended family that I was jealous her daughter is getting married before me although I picked my date months ago!  However, I still do think that my aunt kind of did it on purpose since she told my mom that since her daughter is older she should get married first. 

Just be thankful you don’t have this to deal with!   

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