(Closed) HELP… wedding disagreements what to do!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Maybe you can compromise?  Can you get married at the courthouse and then have an informal reception?  Or just take your family out to lunch or dinner afterwards?

Maybe ask him why he doesn’t want a wedding- is it because of the expense?  Is he uncomfortable being the center of attention?  Is he worried about family conflict?

Knowing why he doesn’t want a wedding might help you come up with a compromise that will make him comfortable.

Post # 4
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Why doens’t he want a wedding?  Is he shy?  Doesn’t want to be the center of attention?  Worried about cost?  The advice might vary based on that. 

 You can make the wedding reception what you want of it.  You don’t have to have a photgrapher or Dj if you don’t want to.  YOu don’t even have to be announced or have a first dance or cut the cake.  (Maybe he’s shy.)  You can have low key reception in someone’s home or a private room at a restaurant.  (If he’s worried about money.) I think if you get to the root of why he doesn’t want a wedding, you might be able to compromise to make each other happy.

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Goodness, Rosychicklet.  I swear I didn’t copy you.  You must type faster!

Post # 6
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Great minds work alike!

Post # 7
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My husband was like that when we got married, he mainly did the ceremony for me cause he wanted me to be happy. His thing is that he hates organization social events like family reunions, birthday parties, weddings, etc. He doesn’t like doing things that he feels like he’s obligated to do. Last year, I went to HIS family reunion without him, lol. I also think he was nervous about something going wrong in front of everyone, like him almost passing out! He was close to losing it but focused on some guy who had caught a bass and it distracted him enough to start the ceremony, lol. My hubby is happy about the wedding and didn’t regret it at all, he’s just glad he didn’t faint because he knew he’d never live that down. Just talk to him and find out what he really thinks, I’m sure he will be happy to have the ceremony because he knows it what will make you happy.

Post # 9
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Hmm… If you really want a wedding, you might have to accept that he won’t be enthused about it.

Would he really only have 3 people from his side attend?  If that’s the case, I can see why he wouldn’t really care to have a big wedding.

Post # 11
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I was actually the one who wanted to just go to the courthouse, and then have a nice dinner for immediate family and close friends.  My husband wanted something more formal, and with a larger guest list.  The main thing you do need to do is talk about it, and I’m a little concerned that he refused to do that.  After all, this is far from the last time you two are going to disagree about something – and being able to talk it through and come to some compromise is really key to making a marriage work.

Usually families are on their best behavior at weddings.  Nobody really wants to make a huge scene in front of a crowd.  So I don’t really think you would have to worry that much about your families actually fighting.  And anyway, I’m sure this isn’t the only occasion on which your families will end up in the same room.  I presume that you might eventually be planning on having children?  It’s an issue that has to be dealt with sooner or later.

But – you absolutely do have to talk about it, and both be willing to compromise.  If you can’t actually do that on your own, I would encourage you to get some pre-marital counseling.

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

My Fiance won’t have a lot of guests either.  It’s basically going to be like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, with all my crazy family there and only his dad and stepmom and Best Man.  LOL

I think you should go ahead with the 60 guest wedding.  That’s really not a lot of people.  I think he’ll be glad that you did when it’s over.

Post # 14
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

THIS IS YOUR WEDDING TOO!  Your fiance should be as eager to please you as you are to please him.  He should want you to have the wedding you want too-within reason.  If he’s not maybe you two have a lot more to discuss than the size of the wedding.  COMPROMISE, COMPROMISE, COMPROMISE! 

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