(Closed) Help!! Wedding Invitation Wording for non-traditional family

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which wedding invitation wording should I pick?
    Mr. Bride's Biological Father's Name requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of his daug : (0 votes)
    Mr. Bride's Biological Father's Name and Mr. and Mrs. Bride's "Adoptive Parents" Last Name request t : (1 votes)
    7 %
    Together with their parents, Bride's Name and Groom's Name request the honor of your presence at the : (11 votes)
    79 %
    Something else. Explain below. : (2 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3482 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    How about “Together with their families…”? Nice and inclusive with no need to explain non-traditional family structure, so everybody wins.

    I’m sure you’ve already let your your biological father and adoptive mother know how much their support is appreciated, and will continue to do so, so I don’t think not mentioning them by name on the invitations should be an issue. You could choose to include them in the ceremony or acknowledge them at the rehearsal dinner/wedding reception if you’re so inclined. One trend I love that I’ve seen picking up lately is the bride giving her bouquet to someone special instead of a bouquet toss; I bet your adoptive mom would love it if you presented her with your bouquet at the reception.

    Whatever you decide, you are obviously a very loved and lucky woman, and I wish you all the best!

    Post # 4
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I agree with PP, you are very lucky to have found a “mother” like that, and to give you money and to understand she could be offending people and not wanting to make this whole happy process uncomfortable for anyone.  Some “real” mothers don’t get that! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I agree with “together with their families”, but do make sure to let everyone know you are doing that before hand to avoid hurt feelings.

    I just called all the involved parents and said “Because we have so many parents, and our invites don’t have a lot of space, this is what we’d like to do.  Are you okay with that?”  Once people understand our reasoning and realized that we weren’t doing it offend them all the parents were fine with it…I just think it’s nice to give them a heads up.

    Post # 6
    Member
    163 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would actually put both your father’s name and your adopted family names. This is because, while it’s more complicated and long, it also might be misleading to only put “together with their parents”. Your adoptive family might not be considered as “your parents” by most of the guest list, who could assume that you are referring to your father and your fiance’s parents.

    If that is not so, and all are aware of your special relationship with your adoptive family, I would put “together with their parents”. If not, I would mention everyone by name so that all know that you are specifically honouring the adoptive parents as your family too.

    PS: Yes that is quite non traditional and a bit complicated! But you’re lucky to have found so many loving peope in your life!

    Post # 7
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I agree with Together with their families because that way it includes all parties without question of who is “technically” your parents.

    Post # 8
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My Fi and I are using Togehter with their parents…”

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    “together with their families”

    Post # 10
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    We’re using “Together with our parents” because both my FH and I are children of divorce… So we would have 4 sets of parents to name… and we really didn’t want to complicate the invitations… selfish maybe, but they understood and ultimately it’s our day not theirs. haha

    Post # 11
    Member
    1697 posts
    Bumble bee

    Family politics aside, rigourously correct etiquette says the invitations are issued in the name of the one lady who is taking on the responsibility of “hostess”, and optionally of that lady’s husband if she has one. Gifts of money are private arrangements that are never discussed or publicly advertised; family contributing money is NOT the same as their co-hosting the reception.

    If I followed your explanation correctly, the lady who is hosting this reception is you. So, a rigourously correct invitation would read

    “Miss Mary Chirod / requests the pleasure of the company of / Mr and Mrs Guest / to her wedding to / Mr John Groom ….

     

    That of course, is “family politics aside”. Family politics are rarely mitigated by considerations of rigourously correct etiquette. If the “Together with their parents, Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name” format will prevent your father’s and adoptive parents’ having hurt feelings then that is what I would go with even though it is not truly proper. But would it? It doesn’t use their names.

    Having your adoptive mother escorted down the aisle last before the processional (as the Mother of the Bride traditionally is) and asking her to stand beside you in the receiving line as a guest of honour whom you wish to introduce to all your husband’s family, would be a more sincere honour in my estimation. Would that not provide the recognition she both deserves, and would appreciate? And if your father is walking you down the aisle and also stands with you in the receiving line, that gives him recognition as well.

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