Post # 1
Fellow bees, I am so frustrated.
My wonderful fiance’s sister is one of my three bridesmaids. From the beginning she has been open about not being thrilled to be a bridesmaid since She’s an old lady”…(she’s 40 and hot. My other bridesmaids are 27 and I wil be 29 when the wedding happens). She also wondered if I was choosing her because “I didn’t have anyone else to ask” (thats a whole other frustrating story, and yes, I had others to ask. Excuse me if I wanted to involve the only sister of my fiance. RANT!)
ANYWAY! I ordered the dresses, even paid $60 of the $260 for them, because of complaints about the price. The soon to be sister in law has done nothing but complain about the fit, how she looks like a fat whale, but then says, “whatever, it’s your day.”
How do I deal with the negativity?? I’m trying to make people happy here and it’s hurting my feelings that all she does is complain.
Here is a pic of the exact dress:
Post # 2
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
Why did she agree to be a bridesmaid in the first place? It doesn’t sound like she really wants to be and is quite open about it. If it’s something she’s truly not even remotely interested in, is it too late to discuss with her other options she may be happier with? Have the dresses already come in?
Personally, aside from it being strapless, I think that type of dress is very flattering on a lot of body types. Did she have any input on when you picked it out? What type of dress did she want or thinks she would feel more comfortable in? This dress doesn’t show a lot of skin, is she embarrassed because of it being strapless? Could she wear a pretty cardigan or cover-up if she feels too exposed?
Post # 3
Well not everyone is going to be happy with the dress. There is not much you can do unless you stuck them all in different dresses to fit their body shapes but the dresses have been bought already so what can you really do? I say nothing the question is what can she do? If she feels so “fat” idk what she looks like then she could do a few things 1. Work out 2. Get a body shaper or 3. Get over it
i mean i don’t know how close you are to her or how to make that sound nice at all. Maybe try asking her what she thinks would help make her feel more comfortable and go from there.
Post # 4
I totally know how you feel, I’ve had so many issues with what my bridesmaids do/don’t like and it can be really stressful when you just want everyone to be happy. I think that if she doesn’t like it but that’s the one that you really want her to wear then maybe pay for it yourself? I think it’s hard to say to someone that they need to spend $200 dollars on something that they don’t feel good in and therefore will probably never wear again whereas if you buy it then you are in a better position to put your foot down about it. Had she okayed the dress before you ordered it?
Being honest with yourself, does it look good on her? If it genuinely does then I wouldn’t feel so bad about putting your foot down over it, but if it doesn’t look that great then is there anything you can do to it to change it so it might suit her better or she might feel more comfortable?
Post # 5
I found the easiest way to have this all fixed is to give them fabric, length, designer, colour and let them pick the style. I know it gives some control away but it made my life much easier with my bridesmaids and they actually look quite good together!
Post # 6
Tell her you really appreciate it and that she looks gorgeous! – with all the enthusiasm you can muster!
Post # 7
If you’re asking someone to spend $200 of their hard-earned money on a dress you pick for them, you need to be prepared to hear their opinion on it. Doesn’t give her the right to be a giant twat about it, but she is still paying the bill so she’s allowed to not love the dress and she’s allowed to tell you why.
Post # 8
she said the only dress she would like is a sweetheart neckline fitted. She’s about 5’8 and slim but curvy so this dress does not look bad on her. Also, there are extra fabric pieces so we can actually create a top, however she likes the neckline like it is. Its just that its not fitted. I told her a fitted sweetheart dress is basically my wedding dress and I wasn’t going to get her that!
Post # 9
I mean, I can understand her opinion – that dress would *not* be flattering on me because of where the waistline hits. It would end up making my hips look way bigger (because of the full fabric), and would hide the waist that I have. I have a very long torso, I learned long ago that things either need to be fitted down to the upper hips, drop waist, or at least a fitted natural waist WITHOUT a ton of fullness to the skirt right at the waistline.
It’s not a hideous dress, it’s quite beautiful, and would look awesome on a lot of women – but it would make me feel like I looked horrible.
You’re honoring her by including her, but you’re also asking her to spend $200 on a dress that she doesn’t feel attractive in, that she’ll wear for a bunch of family photos that will probably be up in multiple relatives homes forever.
I’d have a little sympathy.
Post # 10
So…I’m not sure if there’s a piece of the story that’s missing, but it sounds like she never wanted to be a bridesmaid, and you’re kind of forcing her into this. (Apologies if that’s not the situation, but that’s what I’m gathering here.) While that’s honorable that you want to include your fiance’s sister, not everyone enjoys the bridesmaid thing, and particularly when you’re over a decade older than the bride and the rest of the bridal party. That doesn’t mean you’re not supportive, just that you don’t want to be in that role.
I know this isn’t what you asked about, but you did ask how to get rid of the negativity, and frankly I think that’s the core of the issue here. She’s in a role she doesn’t want to be in, and so it’s going to be hard to get her to put on a smile about it (now, as a grown up who accepted this role, I’d probably tell her to suck it up, but you’re the one asking the question, not her, so I can only give advice to you).
Even though the dress is purchased, would you consider asking her if she wants to step down? Perhaps someone else can take her place with the dress if you want. Or you can just be down a bridesmaid and try to sell the dress. But whatever you do, I think it’s going to be hard to force her to act the way you want here.
Post # 11
I just have to say that most groomsmen pay 180-200 dollars to RENT tuxes and I’ve NEVER heard a groomsmen complain, and they don’t even get to KEEP the tux to re-wear or even sell and make some money off of.
That’s a crappy attitude of her, I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man say, “Whatever, I’ll wear whatever you put me in” at an appointment and I got so frustrated I ended up picking a dress nobody got to try on later on in the season and screw it, if they don’t like it they can sell it after. You should be happy for me and I was trying to be respectful and if you are just going to be rude then oh well, I can’t help you. That’s my attitude at least.
200$ is a lot of money, I make next to nothing, but, like I said, if groomsmen can do it bridesmaids sure as hell can.
Post # 12
lol, that’s the route I’m going to go I think!!
Post # 13
I defenitly agree. I did say in the beginning she didn’t have to say yes, but she reluctantly agreed. A week later I asked again if she still wanted to be included and she said yes but not happily. I didn’t want to be the one to say “it sounds like you don’t want to do this so don’t worry about it” when she keeps saying yes. I feel like if she really did not want to be a part of it she could have said no when she had the chance, you know? But maybe I will give her another out for one last time.
Post # 14
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
I think instead of asking her if she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid, maybe instead see if she would feel more comfortable in another role? That way she doesn’t feel like she’s being kicked out entirely, but she won’t have to be a part of the bridal party and can choose a different dress entirely. Maybe ask if she can make a speech at the reception?
Post # 15
lol – i JUST wore this dress, and I hated it. I didn’t have to pay for it so I shut up and wore it. It also made me feel like a fat white whale. I would encourage her to try ways of trying it, I was forced to wear a style of tying that was even more unflattering on me. There are a lot of ways to try this dress, covering the seam when you tie it makes a HUGE difference in how it looks, so did hemming it. Once it wasn’t in a giant puddle on the floor it got a lot better.
** looking at one of your updates – you know this is a convertable dress right? There are 4 giant ‘wings’ that are supposed to be tied – it isn’t supposed to be worn like it’s shown in the picture, it’s actually meant to be tied and all pictures of it show that seam covered which makes a MASSIVE difference in how it looks