Post # 1
Question for all you moms and soon to be moms – do most people have family or some sort of support nearby besides their partner? My mom was supposed to come to town to help out for a few weeks but due to some unfortunate medical issues won’t be able to come at all. I work/live in NYC where everyone I know has a baby nurse and they all believe it is essential. I know I don’t agree with that and I really prefer not to go this route, but given that everyone I know has had one, don’t really have anyone to turn to get the other side…..
I am considering getting some sort of hired help (either someone to help watch the baby or do stuff around the house) for a few hours a week but was hoping my fellow bees could give me some insight! I know nothing about newborns, and will take some classes – but will that be enough to figure it out on my own? will I regret it if I don’t have help of some sort? is anyone doing it without any family or friends nearby? (I have great friends here, but they all work long hours and don’t have kids of their own)
EDIT: We can *afford* a baby nurse if we decide to go that route, but it is still really expensive ($200/day!) and its not exactly where I most want to spend our money…
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I don’t have kids yet (and won’t for a while), but I’ve already told my fiance that I absolutely do not want anyone coming to stay with us after the baby. His mom is totally the type who would want to come stay for a few weeks to help out, but I’m insanely independent and it would drive me crazy to have people there trying to help. I think it would be find to have someone come over for a few hours to help as long as I know they’re coming and have said it’s okay…but someone coming to stay with me to help out 24/7? No way!
Of course, that’s all personal preference 🙂 It’s really all about what you think would work best for you!
Post # 4
If I didn’t have family members set up to help out the first few weeks, I would probably look for a mother’s helper. I don’t think I would hire a baby nurse, but I would pay to have someone come over to the house for a few hours a week and clean, cook, do laundry, etc… In fact, our church has a list of parishoners who are willing to do this sort of thing (or even babysit) for very minimum pay; most of them are teenagers or retired ladies just looking to earn a couple extra bucks. Could you look into something like that?
Post # 5
This is a hot topic I think! I had never heard of a baby nurse until recently!!! But I do think it’s a very common thing in some parts of the country.
My parents aren’t coming and we decided that we want some initial bonding time with Lemon before his parents come… so that leaves us with a couple week gap of having to “figure it out” on our own.
We’ve done a couple of things to help with the transition.
1) We’ve signed up with a meal planning website. I’ve provided one of my friends (who is coordinating) with the emails of several of my other friends, and they can sign up to bring us meals on pre-determined nights. I think just not having to cook with be a huge help
2) We are pre-cooking some good meals to be unfrozen and re-heated, so that we don’t have to worry about that. (So far we’ve got 2 pans of enchiladas and 2 pans of lasagne!)
3) We are doing cloth diapers, which is going to mean a TON of laundry! We signed up with a cloth diapering service for the first month. (Courtesy of his lovely aunt!)
4) We have a cleaning person who comes every other week. She’s a godsend!
5) I am getting a Lovey Duds MaiTai wrap so that I can wear Lemon around the house and neighborhood and do the work I need to do.
I definitely think baby nurses are a viable option for those in areas where they are available, but it’s not an option for us so we’re making due with the resources we have 🙂
Post # 6
when i had my son, my mom helped me and it was so nice!!!!!!! i actually got to nap, and she made dinner and cleaned up. I loved having her being able to help me.
Post # 7
I’m due in July! Luckily my mom is going to come and help out initially. Afterwards I’m going to try to take care of the baby on my own and see how it goes. (both parents live in another country so we don’t really have a support system nearby)
Most of my friends either have their mom coming to help or hire a full time nanny. One of my friends took 5 months of work to care for her baby by herself. (first child, same situation where she doesn’t really know much about babies). She said it’s really tiring, sometimes even when someone stops by for an hour just to watch the baby so she can take a shower or something helps. But she loves taking care of her baby and thinks its the best experience ever.
Post # 8
We had some close friends nearby who brought us dinner a couple times. Other than that, we were on our own for the first 4 weeks! And then his mom came for one week but then we were on our own again.
The food is the hard part so if you can take care of that, you should be able to manage.
Post # 9
thanks all! I am pretty independent too, and don’t like the idea of a stranger living in our apt. 24 hours a day or the fact that they would be more “in charge”. Not really my style.
@Mrs. DG – love your list! I might consider a meal delivery service. Delivery here is generally super easy, but maybe a delivery service would be even better because I wouldn’t have to even think about it and it would be healthier. The friend thing is a nice thought but I can’t think of any friends in nyc who even cook 🙂 And I bet I could get my bi weekly housekeeper to come weekly and do laundry
@Mrs. Spring – that is a really good idea. I will ask around to see how to find someone like that….like I said its hard because EVERYONE I know has a baby nurse so they don’t really know other options 🙂
Post # 10
I also don’t think it has to be a baby nurse, just some sort of help…my friends told me in the first month or 2 they were so out of it…they told me to buy a bunch of bars (like granola) and stash them around the house…bc “one handed” food may be all you can eat sometimes…to make her point about how hard it is going to be…my one friend told me one particularly hard night, she FORGOT HER NAME…at that point she woke up her hubby to take over…they also don’t have family nearby.
So, if you can’t afford it, then I would definitely cook meals and freeze them in advance, figure out a good food deliver service, and/or get some healthy snackbars to keep around!
Post # 11
I wouldn’t hire someone to live with me either. The only reason I had help was because my mom lives so close, and then we just moved back home with her after a week! But that is besides the point! I think if there weren’t any family or close friends who would want to come over and help during the day, we would make due on our own.
Post # 12
@Rosie – Yeah, that was why my mom coming was so perfect – she is so easy to be around, so helpful, and would be able to let me take that nap when I needed it, make sure I eat and all that without being in the way. which is pretty different than what “hired help” would do. But its not an option any more so I am trying to think ahead about what my other options are!
Post # 13
My mom helped me out too. While cooking, and cleaning is always helpful, I think for my first baby, it’s the part where we had someone who knew what to do, just in case. I remember when we brought our oldest home from the hospital we were terrified. “You want us to keep him alive, by ourselves???”
If you have close friends, neighbors to go to, that will help. But if you can swing it, I wouldn’t hesitate to hire some help.
Post # 14
When we have a baby I am sure my mom is going to spend a few weeks with me. She lives 10 minutes away so this makes it very convenient. I do have a cleaning lady that comes once a week but the most important thing is that someone helps you with the cooking/cleaning. And someone to watch the baby so you can do things like take a shower.
I am not sure if I will have a nanny because I will have my mom so close. She will be obsessed with my child because it will be her first grand baby.
God… I have baby fever.
Post # 15
Let me just start off by saying I’m very much anti-nanny, baby nurse etc, but sometimes it helps to have help to keep you your healthiest. My Mum was a post-natal Doula before she became a full time foster mom. Basically her job was to help you get as much quality time with your new little one as possible. However she’s trained and certified in everything from best soothing techniques for colic to what to do for sore nipples to newborn CPR and literally everything in between. Some of the moms she worked for wanted her to be hands on with the baby, assist with feedings, changing, naps etc and some did not. Some wanted her there to help with the laundry and cooking and to have her around in case they needed someone who was trained and certified on hand for the advice or help. You never know what you’re going to need help with or what the baby’s habits will be until the baby is here. IF you don’t have family members or friends around who can help you out sometimes its great to have someone like my mum, someone who has references and is trained and certified, to just simply be able to take a shower and know the baby will be in good hands. A lot of the times she was hired after the husband had to go back to work, if there was only a smaller amount of time off available for the husband to take sometimes she was hired from day 1 it just varied. There are also some Doulas who are a little more pushy than others and have very specific beliefs my Mum was one that believes each mother makes her own choices on how involved the Doula should or should not be so if you decide to go that route it’s important to interview extensively and get lots of references, there are different styles and methods. If anyone is interested I can get the info from my Mum on where to find the networks and stuff for the certified Doulas in your area.
Post # 16
Even though our parents are not close by they will be coming, but Mrs. Spring’s suggestion of checking with your local church or friends is a good one. Does your husband or his family have any family or friends in the area that may be able to lend a hand?