Post # 17
Oh and just to add there is no set rule sometimes Doulas are hired to live with the family sometimes they don’t. My Mum never lived with any families. There were offers but she never took them however, her phone was always available should they need a question answered. Babies don’t really care what time it is and a new parent might worry about something that has an easy answer at any time day or night. As far as cost there was some cases where she was there every day for 8 hours and sometimes where she would just come for 4 hours a day so it really depends and I think because you’re in NYC it’s a bit pricey than average because even here in LA that seems a bit steep but then again, I’m not exactly sure what a baby nurse is? Is it actually a nurse, an actual RN? That price would make sense but I’m not sure the need for an RN seems a bit over the top when you probably need more help with the cooking and cleaning and more time to bond with the baby.
Post # 18
@cricket – i would LOVE any ideas of how to find a post-natal Doula. That sounds like exactly what I am looking for! A baby nurse is a nurse – they basically only help take care of the baby (no cleaning/cooking/etC)- but they do that 24 hours a day. They wake up with the baby during the night – some people have them feed the baby, for others they literally carry the baby to the mom to breastfeed and then put the baby back to bed. The idea is for the mom to get better sleep at night and learn how to care for the baby during the day….but I kind of want to be the one doing most of that! It is a realy business here, there are tons of them around… a lot are from Jamaica and other places outside the US that come here to make a better living than they could at home.
@flbeachbride – we are pretty much on our own in terms of friends/family/community. Its hard to explain, but living in NYC is a different beast than most places that have more of a community atmosphere – and we don’t have any family nearby and all of my friends have full time jobs (which means 50-60 hours on average here).
Post # 19
we aren’t 100% sure how we’re going to handle things yet…my work – I get 6 weeks off for maternity leave and I know my mom will be able to help out somewhat…but they live 2.5 hours away – so she can’t stay for TOO long…they plan on moving down here once my dad retires, but that’s not for another 2 years! we want to TTC pretty much immediatey after our wedding in june…
so yeah – not sure. i know we will go the daycare route but WHEN to do that? immediately after? 2 months? i really don’t know…
Post # 20
@Janna – I would have been in your same situation because last year I was living an hour and a half from my Mom and my Future Mother-In-Law lived in NC. There was noone there to support me but we were blessed with the opportunity to move back to my hometown right after getting married. I don’t know what I would have done. I have never heard of a baby nurse or a post-natal Doula but the Doula sounds like a great idea and even some of the things DG mentioned.
With my mom being only 2 minutes away she will be able to help me when I need it. She will be such great help without being overbearing. She has already stated that she will make dinner for us and make dinners that we can freeze since my hubby works the 2nd shift and I have to cook dinner for my live-in Father-In-Law.
Good luck to finding the support you will need. Once this all starts, I think you will get the hang of it sooner than you think!
Post # 21
Ok just talked to my Mum and got some info for you girls. CAPPA which stands for Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association is at http://www.cappa.net. There is a find a birth professional tab on the left hand side of the page. It seems pretty self explanatory and should help you find what you’re after. The other organization is DONA International, their at http://www.dona.org, not sure what it stands for but you can look at both sites for more info on what they’re about and find mission statements etc. Both of these sites are 100% legit and certified and to be listed with them you need to go through training testing and certification processes.
There are prenatal Doula’s which are similar to midwives and there are postpartum Doula’s (or postnatal) that’s the one you’re looking for for after care. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t find any postpartum doula’s in your area, they are a bit harder to come by than the prenatal Doula and you can always contact the prenatal doula’s and ask if they know of anyone who is going through the certification process curently or just hasn’t listed themselves with the sites yet.
Any questions let me know and I can pass them onto my Mum.
Post # 22
My mom is going to drive out about a week after the baby is born and stay for two weeks. She will NOT be staying with us, she’s renting a cute little place about five minutes away. She really wanted to come out sooner and be here for the birth (as did some of my husband’s family) but I had to say no to all of them. My husband only gets a week off of work and we want that time to bond as a family, after that I know I’m going to want some help and company, thus my mom’s visit.
Post # 23
I think some sort of help is crucial. One person or even 1.5 taking care of a baby 24/7 doesn’t sound realistic or desirable to me but I don’t have any first hand experience. And there are a lot of different ways you could structure the help and you could even restructure once the baby is here if the first plan wasn’t working for you.
Post # 24
I think it really depends on exactly what you think you’ll need help with. For me, I would not hire a “baby nurse,” or want anyone to do anything with my baby. I think in the beginning is when mom and baby are supposed to learn how to be with one another.
I mean, new babys don’t need that much. They eat, sleep, poop, and that’s about it. New moms should be resting, bonding with baby, and napping when baby naps too, so I guess, for me, I have a hard time grasping the idea that all this extra help is needed. Additionally, I don’t think I’d feel okay with an unknown person (and their germs!) coming in and out of my home and being around my new baby.
Of all my friends with kids, I really don’t know anyone who had a lot of help, other than a husband/mom/friends making dinners and cleaning. I think this whole “baby nurse” trend is really just about having it because you can, not necessarily because it’s a huge NEED.
Now, when it comes to cleaning, making meals, runniing errands, etc. to me THAT is the area that someone can help in and I think you could really hire anyone to do that, if you needed to. In my case, I made tons of frozen dinners (’cause XH couldn’t cook) as part of my “nesting” and then XH did all the cleaning (for a bit). I didnt’ really have to DO anything, but nurse and change the baby, and rest.
So, maybe if you figure out exactly what you think you might need help with it will be easier for you to make your decision.
I think the whole idea
Post # 25
My mom lived a few hours away but came to stay wtih me for about 5 days. I had an emergency c-section and had difficulty getting up and down the stairs for hte first 3 days so she helped out by getting things downstairs while I was upstairs with the baby. By the third day htough I was already getting up and down the stairs. i really appreciated the help – but was super excited to do things on my own as well. I dont think i would have wanted help more than that – but everyone is different.
Post # 26
Our pseudo plan…
My hubby has 2 full weeks off work and then will do 2 part time weeks. For the first two weeks it’ll be just him and I bonding with the little one and creating our own ‘parenting style’. We do have friends who have offered to sign up to provide some meals during that time which I know will be helpful!
My mom will come visit hopefully when hubby starts going back to work. Probably for 2 weeks. Maybe longer. Maybe for one week chunks. She’ll be here to help out and spend time with her ‘baby’ and ‘grandbaby’ 😉 Do I NEED her.. probably not. But it’ll def make things a little easier for me to have help with food, dishes, laundry, my own napping and showing etc!
I have told my mom that if anything happens during delivery like a c-section or other reason I’d have a harder/longer recovery we may ‘call in the troops’ sooner 🙂
Even with my mom coming I think we’ll be budgeting extra money for that month to have a housekeeper come weekly or every two weeks. That’ll be one less thing we have to worry about.
Honestly – I think it’s great when couples can have ‘extra’ help… but defintely not a neccesity. Couples have babies ALL the time with no family close by 🙂 If you can afford it – then having help with cleaning in meals is an added bonus!
Post # 27
@jillian – thanks you are right people do this all the time with no family. But even reading this thread, a LOT of people get help from their moms – even a little bit goes a long way! I was supposed to also but she is going to be getting a bone marrow transplant this summer and probably won’t even be up for getting on the phone.
in any event, I have decide to find a post partum doula who can provide a helping hand and some wisdom to those first few weeks or months – and to provide that “backup” that we just won’t have access to by not paying for it. I think it will be super helpful and hopefully make it a little easier not having my mom around.
@curlydreamer – the reason i was asking the hive for input is because I have no idea what I will need help with!
Post # 28
I’ve never heard of a baby nurse. I don’t know many people who hired any help. Most had friends or family to help out a little (mostly parents). My mother is closeby so when we have a baby, she’ll be there to help. And his mother (in India) will hopefully be able to fly out when I’m close to delivering. I think it’ll be great to have help the first few weeks!
Post # 29
@Janna19: My family lives 2000 miles away, and DH’s family is scattered all across the US, the closest being 1500 miles away. I’m in the military and recently changed duty stations, so I don’t know anyone here. Plus we live pretty far away so that DH can attend school. Basically we don’t live close to his school or my work. So we have ZERO help. Let me assure you it is COMPLETELY doable, don’t let anyone convince you it’s impossible! My advice is to hire someone to take care of the chores weekly, not someone to take care of the baby. And having a babymoon is a blessing really. You can figure out your baby’s cries, her facial expressions and body language, and her cycles (sleeping, pooping, etc.). We’re going to be doing it all on our own, but we will be hiring a service to clean once a week.
If you have questions about it, feel free to PM me!
Post # 30
A friend of mine is phillipino and her mom is a phillipino baby nurse! she loves it. My mom plans on moving in with us for a couple weeks. My few rules about this will be that she must be helpful (dur), she must cook/clean (make me some korean seaweed soup, please!!!) and not force her opinions on how to raise a child ‘right’ (aka her way) on us. And respect my privacy. I am not ok doing EVERYTHING in front of my mom, like pooing. I can see her being inside my bubble too much. But i know i’ll appreciate the help and my mom is SO helpful, i don’t see her not being a blessing. A little smothering, yes, but i also see her saying, “lemme have the baby. go sleep. you need it” and being a godsend. i also know it’ll be ok b/c i can tell my mom about our ‘rules’ before she comes. she just has to be respectful–she kinda went off on me about breastfeeding when i told her a friend of mine is due in a month and she called moms who don’t breastfeed wusses who give up early. Those comments must be left at the door.
If it’s the right person staying over, I think it’s awesome. The wrong person would be a disaster though. I want a nanny someday and i want them to come a week early while i’m home to get used to things with me present.