(Closed) HELP! Where are the bridesmaids?!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i have a similar issue 2 of my girls incl Maid/Matron of Honor are out of town.. I let them all pick out different dresses by the same designer in the same color and fabric… that got the ball rolling, they were more excited to get something that suited their bodies!… I havent gone shopping for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses with anyone, but they text me pictures and let me know when they have ordered the dress, hope this helps!

Post # 4
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 I have 6 bridesmaids and none live close and all are slow in responding…busy lives.  We’re doing a convertible dress…it will fit basically any body size, and can be tied whichever way you want or they want.  We are going about it where my Bm’s are sending measurements and payments to a paypal account and when all payments are in I’ll put in the order.  I have a cutoff deadline in my head…if they don’t get measurements and payments in I will order without them 🙁  I’m giving my Bm’s about 6 months to get me measurements and payments…they don’t know this.  We’re 2 months in and I have 2 measurements and 1 payment out of 6.  So I send out reminders every few weeks/months to remind folks.

Post # 5
3586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Honeysuckle Love:  Sweetie, you are setting yourself up for a lot of unhappiness.

There is nothing wrong with wanting others to celebrate with you, but perhaps your definition of celebrations that include multiple parties beyond the wedding just isnt realistic.

People can be happy for you and join you in celebrating an event, but in the modern wedding of today, it seems to me that expections of bridal party are over the top.

Did you discuss all of your expectations with these bridesmaid when you appointed them? Did they agree to take on the role you have in mind?

If I were you I would concentrate on makign the dress purchases as simple as possible, focusing on that as an “absolute must do.” Later–perhaps–you can get together with your in-town bridesmaids for a simple eveing that serves as your bachelorett party. I idn’t know that it needs to be “planned” beyond “let’s meet for drinks at xxx place at xxx time.”

Other celebratory events such as showers will only happen if someone wishes to do that. You can enjoy what others do for you, or you can focus on what they are not doing for you. Your choice.


Post # 6
3586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@icetea:  that idea of a convertable dress is really great! It sounds flexible and it will fit the needs of several people.

Post # 7
46613 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Before you decide on a convertible dress google a few pics and see if you really like the way they look.

With two of your BM’s living out of town, I would scout out a few choices of dresses that you love, then email pics to all the bridemaids and ask them to rank the dresses 1-5.  It will be  alot easier for them if you present a limited number of choices.
I would then take the two that live in town and try them on( or similar styles). Take pics of the top two or three and again have them vote.While you are there find out the deadline date to order dresses for your wedding.

Once the final choice is made, send them all the information they need to know to order their dresses.

You shouldn’t be planning the bachelorette or the bridal shower anyhow, so you will have to leave that in their hands.

Post # 8
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Hey lady, you’ve got some expectations for your girls that just aren’t going to happen….it’s true that a lot of Bridesmaids and Maids of Honor go above and beyond the call of duty and out-do us mere mortals in every capacity, but the fact is that all they HAVE to do is arrive on time to your wedding in the dress you selected and help you out, everything else is extra credit.  It sounds like your BM’s have very full plates to begin with and your Maid/Matron of Honor just isn’t going to get it on this one for you, and that’s fine, I assume since she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor that she’s also your best friend and you knew all of this ahead of time….expecting people to change for your nuptuals is a recipe for tears and torrents, avoid them both.

Showers and bachellorettes are not the sole province of MOH’s and BM’s alone, it’s pretty typical to see them plan these things, but that doesn’t mean that someone else can’t…if there are other friends or family looking for a way to celebrate with you, why not have them consult with the bridal party on the bachelorette party or your shower?  Those are supposed to be gifts, let someone GIVE you one, and just because something isn’t the way WE would have planned it, does not diminish it’s value.

My advice is to branch out from your bridal party, and have fun with people who are fun!  Take your expectations surrounding these annisilary events out the equation and put your energy into the things you CAN control. The rest is not your area.

Good luck and have fun!

Post # 10
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Haha, I have the opposite problem. I’m a super organized person and have very laid back expectations for my bridesmaids, but everyone has been way overzealous about the dress and the bachelorette party! My engagement period is pretty long, but more than a year out (when I haven’t even picked out my own dress yet), my BMs were all hounding me to pick a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and talking about trying to coordinate cross country shopping trips, etc. I was like CALM DOWN ladies! And now that we finally have the dress decided, they’re all zeroing in on the bachelorette and want to nail down a trip that’s more than 6 months away! Again, I had to say “Girls, let me nail down my HONEYMOON first!” Hahaha I guess I should be grateful for their enthusiasm (I am!) but you can imagine, this reverse situation could be really stressful as well.

My 2 cents:

1. For the dress, pick a color and a brand/designer (I chose the Jcrew dusty shale) and allow the girls to make their appointments and pick their own style in that color, since they all live in different places and have different schedules. Just give them a deadline to purchase dress by (something reasonable) and update you when they have. In my case, after I sent out the specific directions (with a 6 month deadline), a 37 response email chain ensued and they ALL ended up purchasing their own dresses within 72 hours (no joke!)

2. For the bachelorette, assign someone to handle it. In this case, it seems like your Maid/Matron of Honor has been assigned. I don’t have one and have assigned one of the girls who’s very travel savvy to spearhead the planning. She’s been keeping everyone well under control and fielding all their questions about locations, dates, etc. I think your Maid/Matron of Honor is juggling a lot of things in life right now, but it doesnt mean she doesnt care about you or want to give you a great party. After all, she was once in your position getting married! If you have a chat with her to give her more direction on what kind of party you’d like (a Vegas trip full of debauchery? a culinary trip to Napa? a lowkey trip at a lakehouse in the Finger Lakes?) I think it’ll make it easier for her to deliver, given all the things going on.

Hope this helps!


Post # 11
3586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Honeysuckle Love:  A trip to Las Vegas for a bachelorette party really is not in the budget for most people, nor can they step away from their own lives for the 3 days this takes. Just because it’s been touted in silly Hollywood films doesn’t mean that it is now The Standard. Just sayin.’

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