Post # 1
So heres my thing, I realize that not everyone will be as excited about me getting married as much as my Fiance, myself and my parents. However my bridesmaids are never reachable. One lives in Virginia, one is moving from Cinci to Colarado with her husband and the other two are in the same town as I am- One of them is a manager in a upscale restaraunt so her hours are crazy and the other works full time and has 2 kids, 12, and 4 (moh/also my hairdresser) . Its like I can never get everyone all on the same page. Idk what to do? Im worried that I will be planning everything for myself, by myself. Bachlorette party, briadal shower ect. Literally at this point my mom has been the only one there with me for everything. My moh is a good friend of mine we camp and kayak together all the time… (the one with kids) but definatley the opposite of me as far as wanting to have the girl experience. When she got married she wore her dress for the ceremony then changed into a t shirt and holy jeans. That is NOT me, Im country and know how to have a good time and get down but on my wedding day you best beleive I will be a lady to the fullest. My moh is NOT a planner by any means and Im stressin thinking wow shes not gonna care at all about any of the stuff that goes along with a wedding and being a moh. I have no idea to tell people how I feel without hurting their feelings. The wedding is in June and I just bought my dress and I keep hearing oh you should be getting bridesmaid dresses already. How am I supposed to do that when I cant even get 1 person to go look at them, or try one on? Do I just pick and say here you all go I need your measurements and you need to pay for them. Bah Im so frustrated. Any words of wisdom?
Post # 3
i have a similar issue 2 of my girls incl Maid/Matron of Honor are out of town.. I let them all pick out different dresses by the same designer in the same color and fabric… that got the ball rolling, they were more excited to get something that suited their bodies!… I havent gone shopping for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses with anyone, but they text me pictures and let me know when they have ordered the dress, hope this helps!
Post # 4
I have 6 bridesmaids and none live close and all are slow in responding…busy lives. We’re doing a convertible dress…it will fit basically any body size, and can be tied whichever way you want or they want. We are going about it where my Bm’s are sending measurements and payments to a paypal account and when all payments are in I’ll put in the order. I have a cutoff deadline in my head…if they don’t get measurements and payments in I will order without them 🙁 I’m giving my Bm’s about 6 months to get me measurements and payments…they don’t know this. We’re 2 months in and I have 2 measurements and 1 payment out of 6. So I send out reminders every few weeks/months to remind folks.
Post # 5
@Honeysuckle Love: Sweetie, you are setting yourself up for a lot of unhappiness.
There is nothing wrong with wanting others to celebrate with you, but perhaps your definition of celebrations that include multiple parties beyond the wedding just isnt realistic.
People can be happy for you and join you in celebrating an event, but in the modern wedding of today, it seems to me that expections of bridal party are over the top.
Did you discuss all of your expectations with these bridesmaid when you appointed them? Did they agree to take on the role you have in mind?
If I were you I would concentrate on makign the dress purchases as simple as possible, focusing on that as an “absolute must do.” Later–perhaps–you can get together with your in-town bridesmaids for a simple eveing that serves as your bachelorett party. I idn’t know that it needs to be “planned” beyond “let’s meet for drinks at xxx place at xxx time.”
Other celebratory events such as showers will only happen if someone wishes to do that. You can enjoy what others do for you, or you can focus on what they are not doing for you. Your choice.
Post # 6
@icetea: that idea of a convertable dress is really great! It sounds flexible and it will fit the needs of several people.
Post # 7
Before you decide on a convertible dress google a few pics and see if you really like the way they look.
With two of your BM’s living out of town, I would scout out a few choices of dresses that you love, then email pics to all the bridemaids and ask them to rank the dresses 1-5. It will be alot easier for them if you present a limited number of choices.
I would then take the two that live in town and try them on( or similar styles). Take pics of the top two or three and again have them vote.While you are there find out the deadline date to order dresses for your wedding.
Once the final choice is made, send them all the information they need to know to order their dresses.
You shouldn’t be planning the bachelorette or the bridal shower anyhow, so you will have to leave that in their hands.
Post # 8
Hey lady, you’ve got some expectations for your girls that just aren’t going to happen….it’s true that a lot of Bridesmaids and Maids of Honor go above and beyond the call of duty and out-do us mere mortals in every capacity, but the fact is that all they HAVE to do is arrive on time to your wedding in the dress you selected and help you out, everything else is extra credit. It sounds like your BM’s have very full plates to begin with and your Maid/Matron of Honor just isn’t going to get it on this one for you, and that’s fine, I assume since she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor that she’s also your best friend and you knew all of this ahead of time….expecting people to change for your nuptuals is a recipe for tears and torrents, avoid them both.
Showers and bachellorettes are not the sole province of MOH’s and BM’s alone, it’s pretty typical to see them plan these things, but that doesn’t mean that someone else can’t…if there are other friends or family looking for a way to celebrate with you, why not have them consult with the bridal party on the bachelorette party or your shower? Those are supposed to be gifts, let someone GIVE you one, and just because something isn’t the way WE would have planned it, does not diminish it’s value.
My advice is to branch out from your bridal party, and have fun with people who are fun! Take your expectations surrounding these annisilary events out the equation and put your energy into the things you CAN control. The rest is not your area.
Good luck and have fun!
Post # 9
I understand your feedback, and thank you. I dont think my expectations are high. Im not a bridezilla. Its just hard to get even one person to give me their input, because we all work crazy hours that dont sync up. . I want everything to be as cheap as possible for them, I dont even care what their dresses look like. Im ok with them picking their own for heavens sake. Everyone that is in my bridal party knows I am traditional and we all agreed on everything before we even started this process- which was if I have a question that directly effects you please be sure to call me back, lets do the bridal shower and bach party ect. and most of all lets not spend a lot of money. Keep it cheap and easy. Its literally just a matter of time management. As a far as the moh’s duty to the whole thing, is she said lets plan a bachlorette party and party our ass off. She seemed excited and now it seems like maybe shes 2nd guessing ? I wonder if its just too much on her plate, It probably would be for me with kids and all that. I mean we have tons of time, just something thats resting in the back of my mind. MrsRayner thanks for the idea. I will try that : )
Post # 10
Haha, I have the opposite problem. I’m a super organized person and have very laid back expectations for my bridesmaids, but everyone has been way overzealous about the dress and the bachelorette party! My engagement period is pretty long, but more than a year out (when I haven’t even picked out my own dress yet), my BMs were all hounding me to pick a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and talking about trying to coordinate cross country shopping trips, etc. I was like CALM DOWN ladies! And now that we finally have the dress decided, they’re all zeroing in on the bachelorette and want to nail down a trip that’s more than 6 months away! Again, I had to say “Girls, let me nail down my HONEYMOON first!” Hahaha I guess I should be grateful for their enthusiasm (I am!) but you can imagine, this reverse situation could be really stressful as well.
My 2 cents:
1. For the dress, pick a color and a brand/designer (I chose the Jcrew dusty shale) and allow the girls to make their appointments and pick their own style in that color, since they all live in different places and have different schedules. Just give them a deadline to purchase dress by (something reasonable) and update you when they have. In my case, after I sent out the specific directions (with a 6 month deadline), a 37 response email chain ensued and they ALL ended up purchasing their own dresses within 72 hours (no joke!)
2. For the bachelorette, assign someone to handle it. In this case, it seems like your Maid/Matron of Honor has been assigned. I don’t have one and have assigned one of the girls who’s very travel savvy to spearhead the planning. She’s been keeping everyone well under control and fielding all their questions about locations, dates, etc. I think your Maid/Matron of Honor is juggling a lot of things in life right now, but it doesnt mean she doesnt care about you or want to give you a great party. After all, she was once in your position getting married! If you have a chat with her to give her more direction on what kind of party you’d like (a Vegas trip full of debauchery? a culinary trip to Napa? a lowkey trip at a lakehouse in the Finger Lakes?) I think it’ll make it easier for her to deliver, given all the things going on.
Hope this helps!
Post # 11
@Honeysuckle Love: A trip to Las Vegas for a bachelorette party really is not in the budget for most people, nor can they step away from their own lives for the 3 days this takes. Just because it’s been touted in silly Hollywood films doesn’t mean that it is now The Standard. Just sayin.’