Post # 76
I answered none of the above because the style of dress is not meant for larger cheasted women. Like many others, all I can see is boob! And this will not change when it is in the correct size. Other styles of dress will be much, much more flattering.
Post # 77
Yes, we’re usually a nice bunch here but we just don’t like you so we were particularly mean to you. Nevermind that we don’t know you at all and have no reason to be mean to you, we’re just bad people like this…. To everyone else, we’re nice, but not you… all the nice comments people made about the shape of your boobs or your general body shape and people telling you to do what you feel most comfortable with – alla this were actually insults in disguise….
Post # 78
pantsapocalypse : “this thread is being passed around to a bunch of people not on this forum because honestly I wasn’t sure if I was being overly sensitive, which apparently no one IRL thinks I am.”
….wait what? You’re showing this thread to your friends IRL so that they can pat your hair and tell you that everyone here is a bunch of meanies?
I read comments and if anything, bees were giving you great advice. You specifically asked for opinions. You asked what people think. If you just wanted them to tell you how great you look, you could have just said “Love these dresses!” and left it at that. 🙄
Post # 79
pantsapocalypse : OP – I know it takes a risk to put yourself out there. There is a reason why I don’t have any actual photos of me in the sample dresses on this site. I don’t want a bunch of strangers looking at me in a dress that is awkwardly clipped in the back and no where near as ideally fitting as a dress in my ideal size. I actually think the posters were pretty neutral in that the comments seem to be about the dress NOT your body. BUT I also know when you love something, when something is really your style it’s deflating to hear it might not be flattering.
I have to be honest. I’m a bit skeptical that this type of dress will be flattering even in the proper size because I have small breasts and tend to pick these styles of dresses (not bridal but otherwise) for the express reason that they naturally seem to fit a smaller bust better. When I wear these styles there barely seems to be room for more than what I have and they make me look booby even though I am most certainly not. It seems like in the right size the dress might be bigger in a bandsize perspective but not necessarily the cup size bigger – if that makes sense. Not to mention it seems like a lot of these dresses don’t have the built in support.
That said, you remind me of me in that I had a very clear vision of what I wanted so it seems like probably what you need to figure out is how to make this style as flattering as possible vs. starting over. If I were you I’d go back and tape my cleavage up as you normally would with this style of dress. It may take more time but it seems like it’s worth it to get a more accurate representation of how it would look day of. I’d also see if you can talk with the in-house alterations person and see what your options are. Can extra be ordered and adjustments made to cup size if needed to better fit your chest. Could boning or more support be added to give more stucture and support.
I also think you have to decide what matters to you. I was stuck between two dresses. One (as tried on) was more flattering probably mostly because it was the proper size and partially between the cut. If I was just going on flattering alone I would have bought that one. But the dress I chose was much more spectacular and gave me the feels so I’m totally willing to forgo my waist looking a bit more cinched in in order to get something I love.
Post # 80
Have you tried looking at BHLDN? They have some similar dresses and you could order one in your size to get a better feel of what it would really look like. They allow returns so it would be pretty low risk.
Post # 81
Let me point out what is obvious to many, though not to you: there was no body shaming in the critiques of the gowns you are considering. Several PPs – including myself – suggested other gowns based on the premise that there are silhouettes that work better than others. And this applies to every body type, because in reality there is no body type which will look great with any silhouette. Case in point, the model below. She’s thin. She’s tall. The body type that the fashion industry has convinced so many is “perfect”. Yet the silhouette of the skirt looks terrible on her because it doesn’t work for her body type.
You mentioned that “I actually don’t want to hurt anyone feeling”. Yet you have no qualms saying “There are so many ill fitted dress on this forum”, and “Also saying that I would look better in some frumpy nonsense doesn’t make insulting me better.” The Bees were sincerely – and kindly – trying to help you out. And yet what they received from you was a lashing out in fury. And in spite of it, many apologized to you, when in fact, you should be the one doing the apologizing. Good luck in your wedding dress shopping, but most of all, good luck in life. Seems like you do need it.
Post # 82
You seem to have taken the honest and well intentioned feedback on your dress choices very personally. I don’t think anyone on this board has set out to offend you or lower your morale. I gather your partner’s opinion really matters to you. Why not close this thread down and just ask your fiancée which dress he thinks looks best?
Post # 83
mrsbarack : OMG this exactly.
I suppose I am one of the ‘meanies’ even though I specifically said ‘you have a nice body’ ‘you are not large’ and spoke only of the dress and tried to assist by offering some suggestions and pics. I didn’t realise that the OP wasn’t actually looking for any opinions, just mindless validation. This angry, victim role is pretty tiresome.
Post # 84
Honestly the waistline is way to high it makes you look frumpy and the cut is way to low on the chest.
Post # 85
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
First, I want to address your defensive ways. You place yourself as a victim. Anytime someone does that, there has to be a villain. You picked the hive as the mean girls who broke your heart – all because they disagreed with your choice! Most – if not all – of them were polite, helpful, and honest on their feedback. Instead of being thankful for people’s honesty, you snapped at them.
Then you start a whole woe is me tirade, trying in a very passive-aggressive way to make the bees feel bad/guilty for having said anything “oh, guess I’ll get married in a bikini”, “oh, I don’t even want to purchase a dress anymore, what’s the point? It’s ruined for me…”. This is all very childish behavior. Do you always do that when people don’t agree with you? Do you turn defensive AND offensive (in the sense you are trying to make others feel bad and guilty for disagreeing with you)? That’s messed up, bee.
Please look into therapy. I think you might be projecting your own insecurities. If you think whoever disagrees with you is out to get you/is mean/does not like you, there’s ONE common denominator: you.
That’s very dysfunctional. @mrsbarack hit the nail on the head.
I don’t know you, but I know a person who is just like you, and she is exhausting. People avoid her. No one wants to be around her because she is super draining.
Life can be lighter than that.
That being said, I join the majority’s opinon: the dresses you picked are not well-suited for your body type (even envisioning possible alterations).
I’m a 32DDD. I know the struggle. Let me show you two pictures of me in two dresses I tried. On the left, the dress I WANTED to be THE ONE. I look twice my size wearing it. On the right, the dress I picked. Both pictures were taken ON THE SAME DAY. Same weight, same measurements.
Post # 86
OP, I guess you were referring to my post on this thread in your last response (tirade??) because you mentioned starting over and I told you to go back to the drawing board. I’m sorry that my advice offended and upset you. It was never my intent. I gave you my opinion as a fellow busty woman with a body shape similar to yours based on my personal expirience wedding dress shopping and shopping in general. I gave my opinion because it seemed like you were open to suggestions because of the ‘Option D’ you personally added on your poll. Clearly ‘option D’ was just for show and you were looking for affirmation and not advice.
You’ve been here long enough to know that how you word a post determines what responses you get. Weddingbee is like the rest of the Internet, people will tell you like it is if you ask. You asked and added option D so I’m sure lot of us assumed you were OK with honest opinions. I reread the answers and nobody was rude or body shamed you. You are the only one calling yourself negative adjectives here. I told you my wedding day bra size (similar to yours) and I agreed that when you have big boobs, you can’t hide them or make them disappear but I was concerned that you’d be disappointed with ordering the dress and finding it didn’t give you the look you were after because the dresses you picked are at most made for people with a D cup and not a G cup. They won’t have enough room in them to give you the support or indeed the intentional look the dress is going for. But hey if you love it and aren’t phased by having more on show then rock your dress.
Tbh the only person who was outright rude on this thread was you by your response to the bees who actually took the time out of their day to offer you the advice they clearly thought you were after as evidenced by the option D you included in your poll. You say you’re leaving this up to help other bees who are considering posting about their dress. People aren’t silly and they will see exactly is wrong with this post and it’s not what you think is wrong with this post.
Also a ‘feedback sandwich’ is a tool people use to deliver the blow of a negative but trust me its designed to make the person delivering the ‘feedback sandwich’ to feel better about delivering a criticism but the recipient on the whole still feel and know a critism when they hear it. You can butter up a negative all you like in a pretty bow of positives but human nature for a lot of people is to focus on the negative or associate their own feelings and thoughts to the situation. (as evidenced again by this thread. The only person who mentioned fat was you and many bees even said great boobs/nice figure but you read more into their negatives and ignored the positives)
Either way good luck but if you are finding yourself having these kind of situations in your life and feel like people are purposely targeting you then maybe you should be a bit introspective and working out truth from projection because most people who don’t know you well are too absorbed with dealing with their own shit that they don’t have the desire or energy to be f*ucked worrying about being mean or negative towards you.
Post # 87
lifetimegoals : Do you see yourself as a villian? You may want to talk to someone about that… Regardless, sounds like your projecting a bit. I never said or insinuated I was a victim. I just said that if I didn’t have anything nice to say I would refrain because I would rather not provide a completely useless opinion if it helps no one. I treat people how I want to be treated, which means I hold my tongue alot, expectually when not holding my tongue is just adding noise and possibly hurting others.
But you do you, you aren’t required to be a problem solver or even to be nice. Infact, putting a positive spin on this, this thread is like map of people who I should basically just ignore at this point. Why even try to talk to people who have no concern about how they present themselves or how there actions effect others.
I have no comment on your dresses besides to say I am glad you found something you’re happy with.
Post # 88
pantsapocalypse : You were the one who added the “none of the above” option???
Post # 89
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
pantsapocalypse :. I don’t regret wasting my time with you. You’re deaf and blind to what everyone here hears and sees. Maybe one day you’ll come to your senses. Until then, you’ll keep suffering – and it’s all of your own mind’s making.
Post # 90
pantsapocalypse : I’m going to ignore everywhere this thread wandered. It’s hard to take criticism well when you thought one way and everyone repeated something else over and over. I’m also not going to give my opinion on the dresses themselves (I don’t like the deep V trend on anyone no matter how toothpicky) except to say the skirt on the second is pretty and the top does absolutely nothing for it – not on you, not at all. It’s so lame compared to the skirt! The other two dresses are more consistently pretty.
Moving on… have you thought about getting a custom corset to wear under your dress? They exist as lifters without doing the shaping aspect. While not the most comfy thing in the world, it could feasibly change everyone’s perspective on all the dresses or help you decide for yourself. It’s hard to know when they aren’t in there as they should be. My sister’s pretty hefty in the chest area and wore on eat my wedding. She loved it. It perked them up and avoided the fearsome uniboob. Just a thought!