Post # 1
Soooo I kind of promised at the beginning of our wedding to make the ceremony short and sweet as I have a very shy groom who absolutely hates being the center of attention. We agreed we would just do the generic vows afterall we’ve been together for 11 years and we know how we feel about each other. But I unexpectedly have been very emotional during the planning of our wedding, things I thought I could just let go I can’t any longer. Of course one item is personalizing the vows! I haven’t spoken to my fiancé about it but he is a very simple down to earth type and very private and was adamant about not saying vows, he’s always been this way and it is actually a trait of his that I feel in love with! So how should I deal with this? Should I just let it go or can I say my special words and do the normal ceremony? I have had nightmares about this! Me pouring my heart out and when it gets to my fiancé’s turn he replies “Ditto” which is very much like him… help me!
Post # 3
Is he refusing to saw any vows at all or just saying he doesn’t want to write his own?
My Darling Husband is shy too (he is still upset we had a videographer). We both said the same vows but I spent time pre-wedding modifying the generic ones to fit us. Would that be an option for you? That way it feels more special but he isn’t obligated to come up with his own? My Darling Husband f’d up repeating the vows after our officiant so I know it would have been a disaster if he had written his own.
Post # 4
I am in the same boat as your FI- very shy in public! We picked vows that were special and personal to us (as was the entire ceremony because we wrote it ourselves) but I had the officiant read them and we just had to say “I do”. I was scared I would be so nervous I would flub the words or whatever…
You and Fiance could always exchange heartfelt letters before the wedding. That way you can each pour your heart out, you can have your special moment, and your Fiance won’t feel the pressure of having all eyes on him while you do so!
Post # 5
@LGenz: He is willing to say the generic vows but doesnt want to get too emotional and go into writing his own vows, i think the real reason is because he is a big baby and would probably get very emotional and he doesnt want to do that in front of our friends and family. But I really have the perfect vows that I wanted to say. Didn’t think it would look ok with me saying what i wanted to get out and then him saying something generic. I think that is a good option to modify them! I will ask him about it and gauge his response, he wants it to be more of a funny not so serious ceremony and I definately want an emotional but still a funny ceremony, its not like we get married everyday!
Post # 6
@MissTatas: Very good idea! Never thought about exchanging letters before hand!!! Im just very lucky were not headed to Vegas, as he has more then once mentioned how that would be the best idea!
Post # 7
Talk to your pastor/priest/celebrant about working your specific vows into the ceremony.
Post # 8
I’m in a similar situation- I definitely want to write our own vows, but Fiance is nervous about doing this in front of everyone. I’m thinking to ease his mind we won’t use a microphone for this, so it’s more private and it’s really just between us and maybe our parents in the front row.
Post # 9
My fella is also shy, and there have been a few things where I’ve had to push him a bit outside of his comfort zone, and a few where I’ve had to give up a little of what I wanted just because it was too far outside of his comfort zone. For each specific item, he’s pretty good about saying what he does and doesn’t want, and then I get to decide if I want to accept that or try to encourage him to get into that potentially awkward zone. In most cases, I’m willing to let some things go, simply because there really isn’t anything I want if it comes at the expense of his happiness. Like a first dance. We’ve had a bunch of people give him a bit of a hard time over his not wanting a first dance, but truth be told, it’s not important enough to me for me to see him miserable even for 3 minutes.
As for the vows, it’s kind of the same thing— you have to decide if you want the custom write-your-own vows, knowing that it could be at the expense of his happiness. You may want to write your own vows but keep them very short and not overly “flowery” as a compromise.
Post # 10
It’s his wedding too, and if he’s terrified of public speaking, I wouldn’t push the issue.
My Fiance and I both agreed that we didn’t want to write our own vows and say them, but we have an officient that has several types of vows to choose from, ranging from the super emotional/sappy to the traditional, so we chose vows that suit us and we just have to repeat after the officient.
I am terrified of public speaking and if he’d tried to force me to write me own vows and say them in front of everyone, we would have had a major fight and I probably would have cried over the stress/terror. His parents told him that I should make a speech at the reception after my Fiance gives a speech, and I was like, “No. Not happening”. I don’t mind standing there with him while he talks and thanks everyone, but I will not be doing any talking. I just won’t. Just standing there in front of all those people will probably make me shake, so I don’t want to embarass myself by trying to speak, too.
So, if your Fiance is like me, I wouldn’t press the issue if you want him to enjoy his own wedding.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
My fiance is shy, too. When he proposed, we were in the park, and someone was driving by near us, and he actually started talking about something different until the car passed! It was hilarious because I saw the car coming, and I knew he’d think the person was interrupting him. He was smooth about it, but I definitely knew he was drawing out the question until the person drove off.
Mine doesn’t want to write vows and have a bunch of hoopla either. He keeps stating that we can just elope. I don’t know what to do with him, because I’m not for the hoopla either, but I want a small wedding.
Maybe you can write some vows that the officiant can have you both repeat?