(Closed) Help with bad news

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You’re doing the right thing by sitting down and talking to her. But I have to say, if she is posting that on her FB wall and it IS directed at you, that’s a crappy friend. I wouldn’t want her in my wedding party if she’s doing that.

That being said, she is having a very rough time with everything. Her comments probably aren’t directed at you (I really hope not) and she may just need a sympathetic ear. Let us know how it goes.

Post # 4
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

To be honest, it sounds like she’s been through a lot, and none of it really has anything to do with you. I think you’re assuming that the nasty FB messages are about you, but try not to read into them as them being about you. She sounds like she’s just frustrated that things in her life aren’t working out for her. I would cut her a little slack and not mention anything unless she does to you.

Post # 5
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It sounds like she has a lot going on in her life, and is probably feeling jealous that you are able to plan your wedding while she isn’t, which is totally understandable. She probably needs a good friend right now.

The FB thing isn’t cool, but is it possible it wasn’t directed at you, but just a venting of frustrations? It’s hard to watch people around you have things that you want, even if you don’t begrudge them for it. Is she normally passive aggressive like that?

I’d talk to her, but don’t go in there guns blazing, so to speak. She probably really needs someone to talk to.

Post # 7
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you really want her as a bridesmaid, could you offer to help her with the costs? Or do you think it’s just best you asked her to step down?

Post # 9
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@SomethingFishy:  That’s really kind of you. Maybe she just wants to know that you’re being considerate of her situation. The FB post may not be directed at you, but just in general because she can’t be “at that place” right now. Hopefully though, if she knows you’re doing what you can to make sure she is there for you, she will in turn be there for you as well 🙂

Post # 11
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Sounds like with everything that has happened she might be depressed. My 17 year old daughter suffers from depression and some days it doesn’t matter what you try to do to help her she just thinks negatively about it. She posts stuff like that on her fb too…I don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it until after the fact when she’s out of the ‘funk’ and then has to deal with the aftereffects. I went through mild depression during my divorce too…makes you respond in very strange ways sometimes.

Hopefully she pulls out of this and realizes that you are only trying to help. Maybe try explaining to her that you weren’t going to tell anyone and if she thinks it will make her feel better consider it a loan until things turn around for her no matter how long.

Post # 12
1544 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

don’t feel like that post is about you ….  i get upset too sometimes about seeing everyone so excited about their weddings. Being that she hasn’t told her parents – she must not feel like she can and she’s probably upset about that. Its hard to be engaged with little money and little support. I feel for her.

If you have the money and still want her in your wedding – offer to pay for her dress and w/e else she’s supposed to pay for as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. My sister is going through bankruptcy and is losing her house right now and is very stressed out from all of that… and she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my sisters wedding last month and she lives across the country… My mom doesn’t have a lot of money but she paid to fly the 4 of them out and she paid for the bm dress and flower girl dress for her daughter so she could still be in the wedding because it wouldn’t be the same without her.


Post # 13
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

SomethingFishy: Oh K so let me get this straight . She is embarrased by the fact she cannot pay for her dress but SHE decided to  post it all over FB??? Is it just me or does it seem like this girl is screaming for attention? I would never post anything on FB I was already embarrased about

Post # 14
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m SURE these nasty things one facebook do not reflect the true personality of your friend.

I would have a heart to heart to her and not talk about your wedding at all.  See how she is feeling.  Do not tell her anything like “If you can’t be in the wedding anymore I understand” because it will seem like you are trying to give her an “out”.  If she brings it up, tell her that you can try to figure out a way to keep her in it.  Have you picked out a dress yet?  Maybe she can find one secondhand, or you all can find something that is on the lower end of the price range.

She needs a friend, not a bride.

Post # 15
341 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think anything she’s done warrants you kicking her out of your wedding party. Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel to be standing up for someone on their wedding day when you can’t be excited about your own wedding? That has to be tough. Sure she’s acting out in all the wrong ways but she might not have any other avenues to vent her frustration and pain. Sit her down and talk to her about what’s going on in her life, not about your wedding. Tell her you love her and support her because she’s your friend and you don’t want to see her hurting but don’t make this all about you. 

As a PP said, she needs a friend, not a bride.

Post # 16
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you have an excellent opportunity to strengthen your friendship by just listening to her. If she’s already having trouble seeing everything fall together perfectly for you while she’s going through joblessness and bankruptcy (really, those things are about as opposite of wedding happy as you can get) the last thing she wants is a reminder of the position she’s in. I know that in your own little world (we all have one) you want everything to be perfect and magical and will go through leaps and bounds to make sure the bows are tied right and the colors all match perfectly and everybody will love the food and the music and the flowers, but it really is a little world. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I love you and I want to help but I don’t know how” might go a long way in this situation.

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