Post # 1
Member
43 posts
Newbee
OK, backstory: Fiance apparently had a falling out with his uncle a few years back and the uncle pretty much disowned him for all intents and purposes. They just started reconnecting after FI’s grandfather passed away and when we announced our engagement, the uncle called to A.) congratulate us B.) tell us he was busy the weekend we’ll be getting married (he’s a trial attorney) and won’t be there and C.) said he wanted to gift us the use of his all-inclusive timeshare to use on our honeymoon. We thanked him repatedly and accepted the already generous offer. He texted Fiance a few days later to let him know airfare would be on us.
I’m currently unemployed and a full-time nursing student. I graduate in May but cannot guarantee I’ll find a job immediately. We decided we’d rather not have to worry about picking between paying rent or finding airfare so Fiance called the uncle and told him we appreciated the offer but we wouldn’t be going on a honeymoon right away. The uncle tells him “No, that’s NOT acceptable. I’ll pay for the tickets. I’ll call you right back” then hangs up, calls back 5 minutes later and says “Ok, the tickets are $800, I’ll gift that to you guys with the hotel”.
I feel INCREDIBLY uncomfortable accepting such a large gift from anyone, let alone someone that I have never met (he lives in CA, we’re in IL) and that won’t be attending our wedding! Fiance and his mother are adamant that if I refuse, it will make the uncle feel bad and that I’m not “getting” Mexican culture about refusing gifts. On the other hand, my own mother and I feel like it would just be unwise for us to accept and then go on a honeymoon when I still have all the loans to pay off and may not even have a job (I like to hope that I will but refuse to bet on anything with this economy)! What would you do? Thanks in advance for the help!
Post # 3
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
@midwesternmuse: How does your Fiance feel about it? If he is comfortable with it I would say go for it. I think it’s great that he and his uncle are starting to reconnect . It sounds like his uncle can afford it.
Post # 4
Member
43 posts
Newbee
@Brideonabudgetlauren: He can definitely afford it and that’s part of why Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law keep telling me “Don’t worry about the amount!” but I can’t shake the fact that it’s almost 3,000 gift coming from ONE person who hasn’t even met (and won’t meet me before the honeymoon happens!). I am glad they are reconnecting but it also feels like it’s sort of a pay off – like, here’s a honeymoon, don’t be mad at me for not talking to you for x amount of years!
Post # 5
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
@midwesternmuse: Don’t feel bad! It’s a gift. He wants to gve you guys the gift of a honeymoon- I think you should accept it. It is a rather large gift, but if he’s not breaking his own bank to give it to you and he genuenly wants to do this for you, I say let him!
Post # 6
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
I think you should accept the gift and graciously thank FI’s uncle.
Post # 7
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
It’s a very nice gift. Accept it and have a great honeymoon. Make sure you send him the best thank you ever.
Post # 8
Member
43 posts
Newbee
@MissFireFlower: I guess that’s one of my concerns – I question whether he does genuninely want to do this for us or if it’s a way to make amends for his treatment of Fiance. But when I broach that idea, Fiance just says “Does it matter?” to which I have to admit, if he’s not bothered by it, why am I? I’ve always been taught not to refuse a gift unless it’s a romantic one and you’re not interested, I suppose I just hate accepting something so large from an unknown relative. But since the general consensus seems to be grin and accept it, that’s what I shall do!
Post # 9
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
@Brideonabudgetlauren: Pretty much this. Turning down the gift could cause upset, and if they’re just starting to reconnect, it probably means a lot to the uncle to be able to do this for you guys. You might do better to accept.
Post # 10
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
I think you should be grateful and accept the gift. I understand there is a level of discomfort for you since you don’t know this man and you suspect he may be ovecompensating for his lack of relationship with your fiance… But at the same time, your fiance and his mother are telling you that they are perfectly happy accepting the gift and are fine with it, so I think that’s really the deciding factor since it’s your fiance’s family. Also, if your fiance and his mother are telling you that in their culture declining the gift would be considered rude, then I think you really don’t have a choice. You don’t want to come across to them in their culture as being ungrateful or rude.
Post # 11
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
Definitely accept gratiously. Maybe it’s making the uncle feel better for his past behavior and if your Fiance is okay with it, you should be as well. Just enjoy!
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