(Closed) HELP with Etiquette

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Lyndsmc:  Sending announcements is fine and a great way to placate family about not inviting someone to the wedding.  However, I don’t think it’s very nice to invite someone to an engagement party but not the wedding.

Post # 4
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If someone is invited to any pre-wedding festivities (shower, engagement party, etc.), they should also be invited to the wedding.  Wedding announcments are great though! 

Post # 5
1697 posts
Bumble bee

You never send anyone a non-invitation to not invite them to an affair. You learned this in gradeschool: if you are handing out birthday party invitations you either have one for every kid in the class, or you don’t do it at school. You don’t announce a party to people who aren’t invited to it.

You can, however, announce a change in your social status. People who are not invited to your wedding DO still need to know that you have  gotten married, so that they can update their Christmas card list and make sure not to invite you to things without also inviting your new husband. So announcements are great. But they go out after your wedding, not before. Normally they are engraved in exactly the same manner as the invitations but with no write-in line (or inner envelope) and worded as

“Mr and Mrs John Smith
are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter
Mary Jane
Mr Thomas Jones
on {date} at {ceremony location}”

The announcement cards are placed in stamped addressed envelopes, and dropped in the mail by the hostess or maid of honour immediately following the wedding.

A traditional engagement party acts as an announcement of your engagement and you can invite whomever you want, but it is different from the modern version of an engagement party. A modern party is advertised as being in celebration of the engagement, and guests are increasingly expected to bring presents. The occasion focusses on letting the two sides of the family meat, and wedding plans are the focus of the conversation. Since (see the first paragraph) it is rude to talk about a party with people who aren’t invited to it, you wouldn’t generally include people in a modern-style engagement party unless you were planning to invite them to the wedding.

In contrast, a traditional engagement party is announces simply as a “party” and people are invited seemingly for the simple pleasure of eating the hostess’s food and enjoying her entertainment. Then, during the party, the host will take a few moments to announce the recent engagement (usually offering a toast to the couple). This is supposed to be a surprise to everyone except the couple’s closest intimates, who have been keeping it very secret — so there are no gifts, and it is considered inappropriate for people to give engagement gifts even if they already knew. Everybody cheers or claps and congratulates the couple, and then goes back to eating and dancing (or playing cards, or whatever). There is no talk about the wedding because no plans have yet been made, but all the potential hstesses in your social circle make a mental note that as an engaged couple you are now a “social unit” and must be invited together to their affairs.

Post # 7
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

You must invite people you invite to a designated engagement party to your wedding. Announcements go out after to people who should be in the know but were not invited to any wedding events.

Post # 8
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Anyone invited to a pre-wedding event (shower, bachelor/bachelorette, engagement party) MUST be invited to the wedding.

A wedding announcement is a good way to let not-as-close friends or family know that you are married – wait until right after the wedding to send them.

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