(Closed) Help with FI's family drama

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

it’s really unfortunate – i’m so sorry that you’re feeling hurt! 

it’s true that they may have had the tickets for a long time, but they certainly could have let you know asap that that was the case so that you would not have expected them there. to tell you a week before is in really poor taste. 

your fi is going to have to make it clear to them that you two are creating a new family together and that they need to treat you better. once they see that he is committed to you and won’t stand for their rudeness, i bet they will shape up. think of it from their perspective: so far they’ve not made much of an effort and have been rude to you – but really, what consequences have there been for their behaviour? their son still celebrates mother’s day with them, birthdays etc. 

if that weren’t the case ‘sorry we can’t come to mother’s day, it’s unfair considering how you’ve treated zumbaista in the past’ i bet they’d change their tune. 

congrats on graduating, it’s a huge accomplishment, enjoy your party with or without them!

Post # 4
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

First of all, congrats on both your graduation and engagement!  I understand that you’re hurt, but you have to realize that graduation parties are mostly for the people that helped get you through school and your direct family and friends.  They’re not obligated to attend every celebratory event in your life and your fiance’s life.  I know you’ve added on the engagement party to your graduation party, but you have to remember that’s all it is – a party.  It’s nice to invite them, but since you’re not particularly close to them, I wouldn’t be that hurt if they don’t attend.  If they’ve been nasty to you before, I see no reason to throw a fit and try to force them to attend – that will not improve your relationship in the slightest.

Post # 5
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

@peonyinlove:  Oh, this x 1000.  

Just like when you’re raising a toddler, people need to be shown the consequences of their actions. If they’re going to be assholes to you, then you and your FI’s absence at all their family events are the consequence of their bad behavior.  

If they care (and want to see their son, like, ever), they will shape up.  But you two must set some boundaries and stick firmly to them.

So sorry you’re dealing with this…that stinks 🙁

Post # 6
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@peonyinlove:  +2 !

I agree that you and your Fiance have to sit down and hash this out.

I do think it’s wise that you are aware that this is a fight that could test your relationship/marriage. It’s best to get it out in the open now.

You and your Fiance are starting a new life together and if his parents aren’t going to be able to act supportive well then maybe they will not get the benefit of being part of that future!

Post # 7
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think sometimes we let our expectations of people get out of alignment with their character. I would be nice if his parents were supportive of your and your relationship. But they aren’t.

Historically, they have proven they aren’t. You are giving over your power to them. Besides, why would you want people there who aren’t supportive of you anyway? To hell with them. Continue to be respectful, extend invitations (out of social courtesy) but know in the back your head you aren’t priority to them. And thats okay (well its not okay, but you can’t force them to like you). As long as your FH supports you, and you two establish boundries, that is what ultimately matters.

 

Post # 8
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If you know they don’t like you then why do you expect them to go out of their way for you? They won’t and you will be much happier once you stop expecting them to behave as if they care about you and your feelings. Seriously, who cares? They don’t like you, you don’t seem to care for them… why would you even want them there in the first place? Just because they are FIs parents doesn’t mean they will ever be kind or supportive ( trust me, been there) so live your life how you want and if they show up for events/support you/are kind to you then great. And if they never make you a priority well then that’s their loss and you weren’t counting on it anyways. 

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