- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
So I know there are a lot of posts similar to this here, and this is (exactly) wedding-related, but I just need advice. I’m not sobbing/screaming/crying anymore, but I’m still very hurt.
Background: I’m about to graduate from professional school. It’s been horrible and awful for me, b/c Fiance couldn’t get a job living with me and I couldn’t go to school where he got a job (would be trading down in tiers of school to do so) so we were only seeing each other on weekends until now. We just got engaged like 3 weeks ago, and didn’t tell people till about a week ago. We’re very excited and not sure about when we’ll get married and such, but still dedicated to each other and very much in love, etc. I gave everyone invitations to my graduation like 2 months ago, and his parents said they’d definitely come.
This weekend, we go over to celebrate mother’s day, and I hear they have PLAY TICKETS for that same night and they’re just not sure if they can make it because . . . a play they can see for several more weeks with people they regularly see is more important than my once in a lifetime graduation from professional school, which is ALSO being used as an engagement party and all being paid for by my parents?!
I tried not upsetting Mother’s Day, because from experience I know they: (1) don’t like me and (2) will take any excuse to make their little passive-aggressive comments at Fiance and I. But I just couldn’t. Fiance and I have been together for over 5 years, we’re engaged, and I’m their future daughter-in-law, and they think a PLAY they can see some other time is MORE IMPORTANT than my graduation?! I went outside on an excuse and just stayed their until Fiance came looking for me. He talked to his parents, hoping they just didn’t realize how rude they were being, and they then said some VERY VERY VERY VERY EXTREMELY HURTFUL THINGS about me. I broke down again when he told me just a few of the things they said.
Problem: Fiance is understandably hating being put in the middle of this, and his parents have promised to “try” and reschedule their play. But . . . I’m just not certain I want them there anymore. And my mom is flat-out outraged about their treatment of me (as I said, they’ve been pretty nasty to me in the past, to the point of Fiance almost leaving his dad’s birthday party over it). The only reason they’re still invited is Fiance didn’t want to further escalate the conflict; understandably, we want his parents to be supportive (I’ve seen marriages broken up by in-laws acting this way before).
I guess I just need support, because now my jerkbrain is telling me “Oh, but you shouldn’t be upset that they can’t come to your once-in-a-lifetime event because of a play, they get to set their own priorities after all” which is true but . . . they must’ve had these tickets for a long time now. Why did they choose to do this on MOTHER’S DAY, less than a WEEK before my graduation and our engagement party?! And I’m really trying to not be snarky and cancel on events they want us to come to with, “Oh, well, we have a PLAY that night! SO SORRY, NOT.”
TL;DR – FI’s parents created drama on mother’s day about my upcoming graduation/engagement party to which they had already RSVP’d because of a play, after a history of their being unsupportive of our relationship, etc, and in general being horrible to me. Need support/advice for dealing with this that doesn’t bring out my mean side (it’s there).