Help with FMIL

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - Montsalvat, Victoria

I wouldn’t want someone at my wedding who would be there just to nitpick and badmouth me/my wedding either! Both sides contributed to our wedding and we gave them 10 guests each. My in-laws didn’t invite anyone DH or I had issues with however if they did I would have gotten my husband to speak to them about it. Not that I’m on bad terms at all with my in laws, I just think weddings can be stressful at times and that sort of conversation can usually be more open/straightforward if it comes from their son and not their future daughter in law. FWIW, I’m sorry to hear about your FSIL! That sucks.  

Post # 3
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

Considering you say your in-laws aren’t your biggest fan, and this is the ONLY person you have a problem with inviting…in the long run I don’t think it’s worth the fight. 

I don’t think you’re selfish for not wanting someone who is gonna talk shit about your wedding, but as long as you enjoy it, who cares? Let them talk shit. Your SIL sounds like she’s gonna talk shit whether this friend is there or not. 

For my wedding, I gave my in-laws a number and told them to give me a list as close to that number as possible. Anyone they put on the list got invited regardless of how I felt about them. We had less than 70 people at our wedding, and it was very easy to avoid people I didn’t want to interact with. Let your in-laws have this guest, and just avoid her and don’t give her a second thought. 

Post # 4
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
Hallyeah :  I wouldnt want someone like her there either, but like another bee said, it sounds like your fSIL is going to talk shit either way.  She sounds like a real bitch, and honestly i think you should have your FH talk to her, and his mother about the way they are treating you and about keeping this person off the guest list.  

Post # 5
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
Hallyeah :  Have you ever confronted your Future Sister-In-Law about her issue with you and where it stemmed from? I think it’s time to squash the “hate” and look forward to your future with your FH. Also, if you already told your Future Mother-In-Law to invite whoever, I wouldn’t fixate on that one person and just let it be. If there were several people you were concerned about I could understand, but one isn’t a big deal. Maybe she invited her so your Future Sister-In-Law could have a person to hang out with the day of. 

Also, how old is your FSIL? Seems pretty childish to have so much animosity and hate towards you after all these years of you being with her brother. What does your FH say about his sister? He should support you in whatever you want to do as well, or tell his sister to stop the cattiness. 

Post # 6
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

The Future Sister-In-Law friend would not be invited, you asked for close friends and family and if this chicka isn’t either then she doesn’t make the cut. Also it is your wedding and no one but you and your FH have a say in the guest list regardless if someone is paying or not (this is a gift and should not come with strings, if it does then turn it down)

Post # 11
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Honestly, I wouldn’t rock the boat. You’ll have a great time at your wedding anyway. If they’re the type who talk crap behind your back, let them talk. I’m also the type to kill with kindness and go up to her and say “thank you so much for coming! I hope you have a great time!” Smile and walk off. It irritates hateful people to see you happy. That’s my two cents.

Post # 12
Member
10705 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
Hallyeah :  

What a bore she sounds. If she is only 22 now then she was just a teenager when the false rumour thing got underway, how silly of her to let it carry on. 
l would, as ever, leave it to the one of the couple whose family it is, in this case your fi, to deal with. Can he not just say to his mum, ‘no, not her,  mum we don’t know her’ or something . Not make it your issue, certainly not ‘ OP doesn’t want her’, but that he doesn’t . If she is the sisters plus one though, there’s not a lot you can do. 
ln the final analysis there is no point really in trying to make her like you. It’s a pity, but her loss really. And on the day you will be far too happy and involved to notice  silly malicious girls. 

Post # 13
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Sounds like your future sister-in-law is the golden child, which would probably make your future husband (and his wife and children) the family scapegoats. Google this dynamic. It’s ghastly. And I suggest you take the whole problem to DWIL (Google, again) where the posters have decades of experience and will give you honest help and support.

Meanwhile, unless your future mother-in-law is paying for your wedding, she doesn’t get to invite people to it. If she is paying for your wedding, you have much bigger problems than one rude guest.

Post # 14
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

The petty side of me would discretly NOT send an invite to this friend nor include her on the invite to Future Sister-In-Law as a “FSIL + guest or Future Sister-In-Law + friend”. Invite would be to only Future Sister-In-Law and no guest, lol. Then if in-laws bring it up be like “Oh, yeah I didn’t feel like she needed to be invited since we don’t really know her and she isn’t a close friend or family member”

The mature side of me would let it go, invite her and make my mindset be “I’m probably not even going to notice her and I’m not going to let her bother me on MY day, I know I’ll have fun and enjoy it regardless.” 

Also… idk what them paying for the rehersal dinner has to do with them adding people to the guest list for the WEDDING. Rehersal dinners are usually for immediate family and the bridal party so it shouldn’t matter if this friend is on the WEDDING guest list because they aren’t paying for the wedding, they’re paying for the rehersal dinner, there’s a difference. I could see them inviting her or assuming she’s invited to all events, but you could absolutely correct them and inform them they aren’t paying for the wedding itself, so she is not invited. But again, that’s up to you. 

Post # 15
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
Hallyeah :  I mean if he also agrees and doesn’t want the friend there then maybe he needs to help stand up for the decision and tell his mom, rather than you being the one. 

That is tough, 22 is still an immature age, but also an age where she needs to be an adult and act like one. I am sorry. 

I think either way, having that conversation of her coming or not is going to be one you both need to prepare for. Maybe have your husband casually ask the Future Mother-In-Law about the friend and why she would be invited because she wasn’t close to the family. Then he can just say you guys need to see who all is on the guest list before agreeing to invite her. If you are near your max it may be easy to just say no. I think the drama is unavoidable, its a matter of you just not letting it bother you. 

Good luck!!

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors