(Closed) Help with Guest List and FMIL

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Nip it in the bud now. Sorry you’re having to deal with this.  At least Future Father-In-Law is on side!

Post # 4
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Now! We are only inviting Aunts and Uncles..not cousins, and Future Mother-In-Law threw a couple tantrums, but Fiance stood up to her and now she says nothing. ** Note, FI’s parents are not paying for anything, so they had even less of a say. Being that your FIL’s are paying for half you have to do it a little more delicately. Although if you made it clear in the beginning that the guestlist was 75 you have your argument.


Good Luck!

Post # 5
3697 posts
Sugar bee

This is really tricky for your FILS, though, keep in mind. Yes, it is your wedding and you guys do get to call the shots, but in spite of all the wedding rhetoric about “it’s your day, do whatever you want,” these things don’t happen in a vacuum. There are family politics that come into play and have to be dealt with. That’s just reality. If FI’s brother recently got married and invited all these relatives, then chances are some of them *will* be offended if they don’t get an invitation to his and yours. Your Future Mother-In-Law is probably feeling pressure about that, and she has a legitimate concern, even if she’s not handling it very well.

I’d suggest that when your Fiance talks to her, he says something along the lines of, “Mom, Miss Jewels and I understand that you are worried about all the aunts and cousins being upset with you if they aren’t invited to our wedding when they did get an invitation to my brother’s. We don’t want to put you in the position of having people be angry with us, but we also don’t want to put ourselves in the position of going way over budget and having all that extra stress. You know that we have a small budget, a very small venue, and we are ready and willing to elope if things get out of control. Now, we can let you invite X number of extra people above and beyond your mulligans (i.e. whatever the venue has room for) if you are willing to pay for them to attend. The venue will not allow  more than Y # of guests, so that cutoff is absolutely firm. We could also put your guests on a “wish list” (I like this term more than “B list”) and send them invitations as we get declines from the first round. What would you prefer to do?”

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