(Closed) Help with guest list! Major headaches!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

1) I would invite ALL kids or NO kids. Maybe the people from out of state can have their kids stay at a relative’s house who could find a sitter. Then, the kids can visit their relatives at least. Another option is to only invite FAMILY KIDS. We did not allow friends to bring their kids, only relatives.

2) Since they are a family now, I would assume that she would expect to bring her step children. unless you don’t invite ANY kids at all.

30 Distant relatives should not be invited to parties unless they are extended an invitation to the main event. Period.

4) If you are willing to risk them all coming, then invite them. Don’t count on any type of response!

It seems that you and your Fiance really need to sit down and work out your guest list. Maybe create groups of people “Immediate family”, “close friends”, “distant family”, “kids of family”, “kids of friends”.

Once you ahve your lists made, figure out which groups you can afford to invite.

Post # 4
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Could you have the 5 young children that you are very, very close to be in the wedding party, so that you don’t have to include the other children? You don’t say where the wedding will be, perhaps you can arrange a visit with an informal open house to see your FMIL’s elder/distant relatives AFTER your wedding?  Are you getting married at the end of December?  or at another time (as it shows your date as Dec 28, 2011?  

Perhaps you could send a nice wedding day photo/wedding announcement to the ones that you can’t invite/don’t expect will make it?

Post # 5
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Yikes, I hated this part. Maybe you can just have immediate family but do a party with the extended ppl after so they can celebrate with you if they want to. my youngest cousin is 9 so I basically told all my friends with small children that were not having kids. Other than my niece and nephew who are in the wedding. Most ppl said they hadn’t intention of bringing their kids anyways 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mcp3x:  When is your wedding date? When is the deposit due?

As for an A/B list, I have never heard of it. These were our lists:

Immediate family (mom/Dad/Sister/Brothers/nieces/nephews/grandparents)

Extended family (Aunts/Uncles/Cousins)

Distant family (Great aunts/uncles/second cousins etc.)

Family friends

Close friends

Not-so close friends

Children of friends

 

I suggest you make those lists and only invite those you can afford to accomodate. If your deposit ends up being more than you need to pay, maybe you can toss in a salad course, soup, or one hour open bar instead of paying for plates. I would contact your venue and ask about this matter.

 

ETA: due to restrictions, we eliminated “Chidren of friends”, “Distant family” and “Not-so-close friends”. We invited 155 total and 120 attended

Post # 9
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

Some one posted this….it really helped me 🙂

Post # 10
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I love PP’s idea! Have the 5 kids as assorted flower girls/ring bearers, and have it child free. I would also find a sitter for the 5 kids–you can ask day cares if they have anyone (daycare workers are used to a 3:1 ratio for infants or a 4:1 ratio for toddlers or a 10:1 ratio for preschoolers, so they’ll be used to watching lots of kids at once) who would be willing to supervise kids during the reception so the parents don’t have to!

As for the elderly people, I would go just family. You can send a wedding announcement to the rest so they still feel included. Make sure it mentions what a small, intimate wedding you had!

Post # 13
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mcp3x:  make a list for them. My mom’s friends and DH’s mom’s friends were “friends of the family”. They were invited as we had room, but we had to choose between them and our “not so close friends”. For this instance, we went with what would make our parents happy and I am glad in the end.

If you do not have room for them, then just explain to your parents. Hopefully they will understand or offer to help pay for the additional cost of their friends.

Post # 14
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mcp3x:  In all honesty, it sounds like a 50 person wedding isn’t going to work without a lot of hassle. That is okay, that is what happened with us. We realized it wasn’t worth the hurt feelings and decided to have a less nice wedding with more people. We talked to our parents and told them that we could afford X, so while we would love to have “steak/random family friend/an open bar”, that is all we can do.

If I came to FI’s parents and said his side got 25 seats it wouldn’t work, but we tried to make it as fair as possible to invite the minimum needed to keep the peace. We are having a longer engagement and I am cutting out things important to me, but it works for us.

Post # 15
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yep! You send them out after the “I Do”s, and before the reception!

And I work in child care, so I have a little extra wisdom with that.

Post # 16
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Our three children will be in the wedding, and then I have one of my sisters eldest in the wedding (hes 12) other than that, absolutely no children. she also has 6 children total and they are all under the age of 8 and are not coming. Luckily for us the dinner for children is considerably less than the entrees for everyone else.

 

 

 

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