(Closed) Help with Guest List (Sorry Long Post)

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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mandygurl88:   Figure out your budget, calculate how many guests your dad can comfortably afford.  Divide by two.  Half to your side, half to his.  

 

Edited to add – I just noticed your dad is paying 2/3.  Anyway, divide the guest list fairly – don’t just write down names of relatives.  Keep the budget in mind!  People will understand.  🙂

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  Astra. Reason: need reading comprehension update. lol
Post # 4
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds like your dad is being an asshole. What does your mom think?

Your dad can’t have it both ways: All the guests he wants vs all the guests he can afford. You might need to put your guns down and say you need to be consistent. It’s not your fault your Fiance has more cousins, aunts, uncles, and great aunts and uncles.

If your dad wants to invite his coworkers, cousins, and your bridal party’s parents, then he’ll have to spend more money, that’s how it works.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
7640 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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mandygurl88:  If your dad is paying for 2/3 of the wedding, he shouldn’t have to pay for 100 relatives on your FI’s side.

I can only see two fair alternatives: accomodate everyone in a way you and your father can afford (i.e. a low cost reception, with cheap food, and invite the 100 on FI’s side); or cut down that 100. My suggestion is to cut the cousins and their families, and also the great aunts and uncles unless there’s only a few of them. 

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Updated: I totally am ducking out. I reread your post and realized I was giving bad advice. Reading is fundamental!

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  cruisinbee.
Post # 7
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think if your dad has given a generous amount of financial help, you have to respect his wishes. Has he given you a set dollar amount? If you and your fiance want to go over that budget, then you should pay for those people. Similar thing happened with our rehearsal dinner. His parents only wanted to pay for the immediate family and bridal party but we wanted out of town friends to also attend, so we totaled up the guestlist – figured out the percentage of family/bridal party and non, then we paid for the non family/bridal party guests.

 

edited to add: his coworkers and people you don’t know should be edited down. But get a number from him of how many people he will cover total to come up with a number to work with and go from there. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  theillest.
Post # 8
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Can Fiance family put it more money?  Are they paying the remaining 1/3 or are you and your FI?

Do you both want all his family there?  We had a smaller wedding and didn’t invite cousins. 

Post # 10
Member
7640 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
mandygurl88:  So… he’s complaining about the cost of FI’s family, but won’t let them contribute? I think that’s silly.

Accepting FI’s family’s offer sounds like a common sense solution.

Post # 11
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yeah it sounds like you need to sit down with your dad, decide on guest count.   Then ask your dad if he wants to pay for all those people or accept the contribution from Fiance family.  I think it’s pretty normal these days for both sets of parents and the couple to contribute to the wedding cost (if the parents want to).

Not many people are expecting the brides family to cover everything. 

Post # 13
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry, that sounds like such a crappy situation. To my thinking, there are two ways to divide the guest list: each side gets a set number of invites, or you invite people in tiers based on relationship (i.e. aunts and uncles, first cousins, etc.). I can understand why your Dad feels angry at having to pay for a party where most of the guests will be your FI’s relatives. At the same time, I’ve learned in planning my own wedding that most people don’t have perfectly even numbers of guests on both sides. How could they? They’re two totally different families.

All that said, I think the usual solution is for the larger side to contribute to the cost of hosting. If your FI’s family is unwilling to do that, I think you’ll have to give them a set number to stay within. I hear what you’re saying about how his family works, but objectively, 100 people is a lot for one side.

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