- 4 years ago
So I am here because I am not sure where else to go at this point… therapy… too expensive.. I can usually get myself out of dumps like these with a some self-talk but once I hit a certain point I need outside opinions/tough love!
Here’s the story… I have been w my guy for almost a year now, and aside from little bumps here and tehre that all couples have, we are very happy! This is the best relationship I’ve been in (I’m only 23) but sometimes I feel I put unnecessary strain on my relationship by letting my persnal anxiety/fears get to me like thinking he’s going to leave one day, doens’t love me.. negative thoughts.
Keep in mind, a lot of these come from my propensity to assume the worst, and being a little scarrred from dating a guy that dragged me along for 2 years…
My current “anxiety” that is eating me today is a girl… sigh.. Back when we started dating, we shared stuff about who we dated before, even in middle school, etc… He dated girls in middle school, had a high school sweetheart for 5 years, and was interested in a couple of girls before he met me. We were open with each other.. and I liked it.. yet the insecure voice in me got a little insecure from seeing the girls he had liked before..
He is a pacific islander from a small small island called GUAM, but pretty much grew up here in the US. The last girl he wasinterested in is also from that island, (which is kinda rare to find IMO).. She is also in the military (as he is), and she is very pretty.. He hasn’t been back to taht island in over 15 years because it is expensive… and although they met in the U.S. during a military training thing.. he came back to our state, and she went back to GUAM..
So I guess, my fear s that… she is so much like him! I am mexican-american, not in the military.. and although I have voiced my silly paranoia to him and he reassures me that he loves me and that I have NOTHING to worry about, other times I can sense he gets frustrated with me for even bringing her up and worrying about her.. so I know I need to stop!!! But I cant help but think “oh I bet he liekd her a ot more than me, I’m just more convenient to date because I live a few hours from him, and not an expensive flight away..” “oh if he ever goes to GUAM he may try to find her!” Where is the trust right!!?? That’s where I contradict myself..
I believe he loves me, but it’s like I can’t shake off that fear! I dont believe he would purposely try to hurt me, but why can’t I shake off the feeling that she is “the one that got away”.. even though he’s ener said anything along thse lines!
Back in May, after eh graduated, he posted pictures and she commented on one congratulating him on facebook. He messaged her on facebook shortly after to see how she had been doing, and I only know this because he told me he did, not because I snooped.. but even tho he told me, I felt so.. mad/jealous/worried that he was reaching out!! they exchanged a few messages, that didn’t involve flirting.. just friendly, and he said he stopped replying… after a few days went by I kept feeeling like maybe he kept messaging her, so I told him I felt a huge urge to snoop but didn’t want to, so he willingly showed me his messages and there wern’t any new.. could he still have continuted to message her? maybe.. but I choose to trust that he really did stop, since he didn’t really know I was going to ask him to show me the messages.. so I dropped the facebook thing..
So bees, has anyone ever experienced any sort of jealousy/paranoia over an ex, or soemthing similar? and if so, how do you cope? the last thing I want to do is push my guy away because I keep telling him, “what if u see her in guam?? what if she talks to you, or likes you?” I mean how much more annoying can one be?? 🙁 it’s humiliating to even write this post, but I am tired of my thoughts bringing me down about a girl that doesn’t even know I exist probably much less worry that she’s going to take my man, lol sad sad sad!
Realistically I know, if a guy is the type of guy to cheat or leave, he will do it w anyone, any pretty girl that crosses his way, so why am I so fixated on this girl!! I wonder if it’s only because she’s military/from Guam, or because my brain is warning me?? NO IDEA.. but I am desperate…
Thank you bees!!