(Closed) Help with Maid of Honor Selection

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4987 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@M37Bride:   From what you have written I’d guess your cousin would be the most solid choice.  Or, perhaps wait to see where your childhood friend finds work.  In any case, my advice would be to pick someone who will be there for you and who is reliable and drama free.  🙂

Post # 4
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@M37Bride: First, I advise against asking anyone who you’re not close to (except your sister – special case). I think you should only have 3 bridesmaids: sister, cousin, childhood friend. The smaller bridal party you have, the less of a big deal it is to leave someone out.

Next, I think it’s always a good idea to have your sister first (or equal first) unless there’s a really good reason not to. In 20 years’ time, she’ll probably be the closest to you. So my suggestion is either:

(a) have sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, even though the other two will probably help more.

(b) (my preferred option) don’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor. Have those 3 girls and have them all as equals. Two because you’re close to them, one because she’s your sister.

Post # 6
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@M37Bride:  The fact that your sister didn’t have you as Maid/Matron of Honor certainly changes my advice. Having her sister as Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t so important to her (which is fine), so it doesn’t need to be important to you. (Though I’d still have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man (bridesmaid)).

In that case either of the other two I recommended (cousin or childhood friend) is fine, and probably equally good. Or like I said, call no one Maid/Matron of Honor.

As for groom’s sisters, this seems to be a very regional thing, i.e. it varies from region to region. (So what you read on the web may not apply to your region). In my tradition (Australian, which mainly follows the UK tradition) it’s rare to have his sisters as BMs, and certainly not obligatory. From my reading of Wedding Bee, some parts of the USA are like this, and some parts are like you say, that it’s important. So I can’t really advise other than ask other people where you live. 

The other thing is I read of bridesmaid drama. If his sisters are easygoing and reliable, it might be easy to include them no problem 🙂 If they’re drama queens or flakey, it might be better avoiding asking them. (The same goes for your more distant friend).

Post # 7
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Great advice from paula1248- I would cut out the FSILs and friend you’re not close to. And I agree- the longer you wait, the better. 

Are there any male friends whom you’re closer to, whom you’d want to stand up for you?

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

I’d wait longer too.  I think it’s too soon to say anything, you never know what can happen in that timeframe.

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