(Closed) HELP with note to tell SO I think I changed my mind and want kids

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why is this going to be in a note and not in person?  Did I miss something???

Post # 4
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think it sounds great, but agree with PP that it should be a talk, not a note..

Post # 5
Member
4073 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Yes it should be a talk.  Are you sure that’ll he’ll be comfortable staying in a relationship when he can’t fulfill your desire to have children? Even if it’s not a dealbreaker for you?  And if you’ve had a change of heart are you sure it wont be a dealbreaker down the line? 

ETA these are open questions, you don’t need to answer them, just something to think about 🙂

Post # 6
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think the note is a beautiful idea. It’s worded really well and it’s very accepting of whatever decision he comes to. It gives her a chance to say something that is well thought out and upfront, without getting an instant “no!” and putting her on the defensive.

Nothing wrong with writing stuff out when there’s something REALLY important that you want to say and say right. Just as long as there can be a conversation directly afterwards, I think its a god idea.

Post # 7
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Um yea this should be a talk.  My guy and I talked about this extensively because he was all about playing house and I wasn’t.  I told him he really wasn’t understanding how it really works and was in love with an idea.

After seeing his brother go through an pregnancy and a child with his wife he now gets it and has seriously backed off on the kid thing.  You really need to sort something like this out with him. 

Its okay to change your mind I go back and forth about it too but we are on the same page now in that we are both okay with either having or not having kids either way we’d be happy.  Hell, he never wanted to get married again either but he changed his mind on that too.

Use the note as a guideline to gather your thoughts but please please talk to him in person.

ETA: I wasn’t good at communicating early on  in our relationship and I used to write notes like this to gather my thoughts and then talk to him.  It helped a lot.  Now I’m at a point where I don’t have to do this anymore.

Post # 11
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think you and I are in the same boat, never really wanted kids, been warming to the idea butwouldn’t be heart broken if it never happened. We can be fencers together.  

I think a note is a good idea. Its not a ” let’s have babies , Now!” but a hey I’ve Been reconsidering myposition on this and want to put it on the table as an option.”

I get it. Good luck !

 

 

Post # 12
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Koi Fishie:  Its good you are bringing up things like this with him.  Like I mentioned my guy and I haven’t made a solid decision on it yet either but we’ve talked extensively about it and are on the same page on the kid thing, I’m so not sure if I want the kids or not but we have a few years and like you and your guy its nice to talk about this now so you know if that door is open or not, and so you can decide if that’s okay with you either way.

If you are afraid of the play house effect try to be around couples who have kids.  That worked for my guy to get him to see the reality of the situation and not just the go-go ga-ga look at the cute kid thing.  I used to stress that kids were the end of our life as we knew it and he thought I was being overly dramatic,  now that he sees the brother with the kids and the way thier lives have changed he gets it.  Its not necessarily a bad thing, I just told him I know I won’t be ready for a change like that anytime soon, and now that he is no longer romaticising the idea hes realized hes not ready yet either.

Post # 14
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Lucky you when I was twenty half my friends had kids and/or were married.  At 25 I’m sort of a late bloomer.  Now I only have a hand full of friends (in the town I grew up in anyway) that arent married.  None of my college friends are married though so I am  the first there.

Post # 16
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

I think a note is a great idea.

Sure it’s good to have a proper ‘talk’ but I like that this way you can get everything out without him interrupting and he can go over it again if he doesn’t read it properly the first time.

You’re both young, which is awesome, as it means ‘thinking about it for a few years’ will be good.

I will say though that the majority of guy friends I know where ‘love kids, but not for me’ until they were in their mid-20s. My SO included!

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