- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2016
I have never joined a website like this before but my family and friends are sick of hearing about this and I need advice that goes beyond “you have nothing to worry about so snap out of it”. I met an amazing guy over a year ago and he proposed to me. He has been married twice before. The first, he was very young and got caught up in “this is what comes next so you have to do it”. They were separated within a few months. The second was a long-term Girlfriend who he was living with. They had an accidental pregnancy and decided to keep the child and eventually tied the knot when their daughter was five. They were not good as a couple and both admitted (him more directly than her) that they probably should have never been together romantically. They are fine as friends, but still fight a lot.
On to my question… I am a first-time bride. I find myself cyber stalking his 2nd wife on facebook and looking at the wedding pictures she STILL keeps up. Her fb is like a shrine to her relationship with him… It’s bizarre, but she is not very tech-savy so it could be that. She has never expressed a desire to reconnect with him nor does she cross any lines. I actually have little complaint in regards to boundaries. I think it’s just the unknown of it all. Did he say the same things to her as he does to me? Were they as happy as we are? Etc.
I see pictures of them and become angry and snappy with him. I just can’t snap out of it.
I’m insecure about our relationship right now because recently we have been fighting more than usual. He is struggling with the idea of having more children (which I want) and we have agreed to table the conversation for right now. So maybe even some of my jealousy is linked to the fact that he has a child with her… (Their daughter and I are very close as well, so there’s no resentment there just fyi)
Last but not least, his family LOVES the 2nd wife. Adores her. They are closer with her than they are to him. I know they’ve been through the wedding thing twice, but I just want to know that I am the wife. Not the 3rd wife or the wife for now, but that they respect my position as his ONLY wife.
A little more info: we both want a very small, intimate wedding with just immediate family and perhaps one close friend each (parents, sibblings, and maybe one friend).
I know knowing about his first wedding. I believe it was that most traditional. His second wedding was small (like 50 people) and she wore a sleek, simple dress. It was outdoorsy and very them (they are both into simple, plain, outdoorsy, etc).
My fiancee and I are very different people. I’m very feminine and the first “sexy” girl he’s been with. This sounds so narcissistic but idk who else to use to illustrate the point, think Jennifer Aniston vs Angelina Jolie. Jen was outdoorsy, girl next door, and Angie was edgier and known for sexiness. While this is usually a good think (he refers to me as his fantasy/dream girl and enjoys our differences), there are times when he talks about how much he enjoys simplicity, no makeup, natural look, etc. and it makes me worry that our wedding won’t be as comfortable and joyful as his other one. He says his other one was nice, but always makes sure to clarify that he is finally marrying The One so this one will be the wedding that matters. I’m just nervous. My dress is very simple (ivory, with no embelishment or anything) to ME: http://www.morilee.com/bridals/blu/5172 (WITHOUT THE BELT). But hers was VERY simple. Not to be insulting because it suited her very nicely, but it looked like a nightgown. Just straight up and down, spaghetti straps, and white. She is very thin and I am an hourglass shape, so that alone is different. The dress I chose is 100000% not something I imagined myself in, BUT I laughingly picked it out and said “wouldn’t he love this? it’s so simple!” and then I ended up falling completely in love with it and wouldn’t take it off. He does that to me. He introduces me to things I feel I won’t like, then I am surprised. I tease him that the dress is like him. Not something I imagined myself with, but now something I can’t imagine myself without…
I know that these concerns are not healthy and it’s affecting me so much, but I love this man and even though it’s not his first wedding, I want him to feel the most, you know? I want this day to be the best, for both of us, and I want it to be a unique experience.
Thank you to whoever replies. I know this was long and scattered.