(Closed) Help Wording! Ceremony by invitation only..

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How many guests are you planning on inviting to the ceremony?

Post # 4
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s ok to have a small, intamite, family only ceremony, but I wouldn’t put anything on your wedding website about it.  It’s rude to point out when people are not invited to something.  I would just stick with the separate invites and maybe spread the news via word of mouth when people ask.

Post # 7
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

i have always liked the idea of a smaller intimate ceremony (many people will be sighing in relief not to go anyway- some people are just party people and hate ceremonies)

 

you coulr spread it by word of mouth or you could word it “private ceremony please join us in celebrating during the reception to follow”- no one has to know exactly how many people attended the ceremony

 

Post # 8
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lstyle25:  Sorry, but I honestly think inviting 60/170 people to the ceremony only is a bad idea.  It’s one thing to have a small and intimate ceremony, but 60 people is neither.  I strongly advise not doing this, you will surely offend many of your guests.  Tiered weddings are rude.  Either cut it down to
Think of it this way, how is friend A going to feel when she finds out friend B was invited to the ceremony but she was not?  How is friend A going to feel when she finds out she wasn’t close enough with you to make the cut of important people?  I personally would be miffed if I found that I wasn’t invited to the ceremony when 60 of the B&G “closest” friends and family were.

But yeah, I might also take down anything related to the ceremony.  I wouldn’t want people to be confused.  If you leave it up, people might just think you made a mistake on your invite and show up to the ceremony anyway.

Post # 10
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

As a guest, I would find it very offputting to only be invited to the reception unless you had a destination wedding (or eloped). The people you only invite to the reception are still going to know that they weren’t invited to the ceremony, even if you don’t tell them.

Post # 11
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lstyle25:  60/170 is a large chunk of your guest list.  People don’t mind not being invited when they hear you are having a small, family only thing.  But when they find out 60 other people went they are going to start wondering why they didn’t make the cut – even if most of it is family.  60 is a lot of people! It’s a slap in the face to be told you aren’t close enough to the bride & groom to witness their marriage but these other 60 people are.  Parents, grandparents, siblings are ok, but as soon as you start including aunts, uncles, cousins, and other friends, the line gets blury.  The general concensus is that truely intimate ceremonies of <20 are ok, but if you go bigger, you end up with a tiered wedding.

I understand why you want to have the smaller ceremony and I’m not trying to be mean – I promise! But you are running the risk of offending a lot of people and I just want to help.

Post # 15
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

You should not publically discuss any events that not everyone is invited to. 

So you should not mention anything about your reception on your website.  Or have 2 identical websites, and have the addresses differ on the invites.

 

Post # 16
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yeah, I have to agree with PPs who said that 60 people is not small or intimate enough.  If you were ONLY doing immediate family that would be OK.  I mean, you’re inviting more than 1/3 of your guest list to the ceremony – why not just invite the others?  It’s a wedding after all.  Find a bigger ceremony space.

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