(Closed) Help! Would this be rude to do to my bridesmaid??????

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I do feel like it would be a little off-putting.  I think having your friends stand with you is more important than symmetry in photos … especially since she’s already bought her dress.

Post # 4
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would talk to her, she may offer to do something else.  If she is a really good friend it should be something you can talk to her about.

Post # 5
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

kinda rude in a way. she already got the dress unless you are going to offer to pay for it. idk i would feel horrible if someone ask me that

Post # 6
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think I’d actually be able to have that conversation with my friend.  To tell her she’s essentially being demoted.  But if you think you can, she may just understand (especially if she’s had a wedding also).  It all depends on a persons personality.  I understand the desire to have things be more symmetic, but I don’t think anyones assumption would be that you just don’t have friends.  Its just that these 2 are your closest ones.  So don’t assume you have to make it all fit perfectly. 

Post # 7
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think it would be rude and it would hurt her feelings. You may end up losing a friend over it. Being a program passer outer and/or a guest book attendant is not, in my opinion, a job you give to someone you really care about.

Post # 8
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

So has your Fiance already asked the guys to be GMs?  I don’t think it would look good to ask all 5 of the guys to step down…

Post # 9
2641 posts
Sugar bee

No, it isn’t OK, just because the wedding pics will look uneven.  You’d be taking a loyal Bm and punishing her because you feel awkward about the numbers, or because another Bridesmaid or Best Man bailed. 

And why is it OK for your Fiance to have his 6 Gms, while you were only going to have 3 BMs, but if he is to just cut down to one best man, you can’t keep your two girls?  But honestly, if it’s not fair to cut out your Bridesmaid or Best Man this late in the game, it’s really not fair for him to cut out 5 Gms, either. 

I think you need to just leave things as is.

Post # 10
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Don’t get rid of your Bridesmaid or Best Man or the groomsmen, they would be really disappointed at this stage. It will work out fine!

Post # 11
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If you each have the people that you want, it will be great. Don’t worry about matching sides. Think about what particular part of the day has you on edge about the numbers not matching, then plan for it:

BMs and GMs walking down the aisle, have the GMs upfront waiting with your Fiance, or have extra GMs escort grandmothers in the procession

For pictures of the whole wedding party, don’t line up (or just take one shot like that), take more candid shots or look for some wedding photo inspiration to find shots you want to recreate.

Post # 12
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I wouldn’t demote her and I do think it is rude after she has already bought her dress and everything. Honestly why does it matter if the sides match or not? Would you honestly look back at your photos 10 years from now and think “Ugh, we should have had more even sides!” LoL, for some reason that thought makes me giggle. 🙂

Post # 13
8 posts
  • Wedding: February 2009

Personally, i think it would be a little bit rude.. and even if you asked her to pass out programs and she agreed to it, i think you should also offer to pay for the bm dress (since she could have worn something else to pass out programs).

This may sound silly, but what about being creative with the situation and spacing them out equally on both sides? For example: 3 Groomsmen, Maid/Matron of Honor, You, FI, Bridesmaid, 3 Groomsmen (Bestman first), or something like that? i shows support for you two as a couple, rather that who has more friends.

Either way, it’s a tough one.. good luck with everything!

Post # 14
1815 posts
Buzzing bee

I would be extremely pissed if I was being demoted from bridesmaid to an attendant for picture reasoning only! Now being a bad friend and being demoted??? No problem with that at all. But to demote a good friend of yours who has already paid money for a dress to wear in your wedding for fear of looking like you have no friends is not right, in my opinion.

I’m not trying to be a snotty, so I don’t want you to take this like I am…I just think I would be really hurt if this was done to me.

Post # 15
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with what many of the others have said – that it would be rude to demote her just because of the unevenness of it all.  Let me, instead, offer you some suggestions on how to deal with the uneveness.

Instead of having your bridesmaids and groomsmen stand up while you do the ceremony/say vows, instead have them sit in the first row.  That way most pictures of the ceremony just get bride and groom and you don’t see how uneven your sides are.  You could also have the one bridesmaid and five groomsmen seated and just have your Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man standing.

When you take pictures with the whole wedding party, don’t do the groomsmen standing on one side, bridesmaid on the other.  Split them all up and so something like:

Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Bride – Groom – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Groomsmen

Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Bride – Groom – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Groomsmen

Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Bride – Groom – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Groomsmen

Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Bride – Groom – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Groomsmen

I think any combination of this will work and will help spread out all the men and make you look more even.

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