Post # 1
OK, so I did have a maid of honor and 2 bridesmaids. One of my bridesmaids just informed me that it would be best if she wasn’t in the wedding….thats a whole other story. My Fiance has a best man and 5 groomsman. I was fine with 3 bridesmaids and 6 goomsman but I dont like that its not 2 bridesmaids and still 6 groomsman. My Fiance has said he either wants all his friends or just his best mand and my maid of honor. Would it be rude to ask my 2nd girl to be the program passer outter and the guest book attendent. She has already bought and ordered her dress, but she could still wear it as the attendent. Would this be rude to do to her? If I could do this then we can just do it the easy way and have one person each. If I can’t do it this way then I will have to battle with my fiance to cut down his party and make them Ushers which he doesn’t want to do. Or I can just suck it up and only have 2 girls vs. his 6 and look like I have no friends….and there is no one I feel close enough to be the 3rd girl. What do you think?
Post # 3
I do feel like it would be a little off-putting. I think having your friends stand with you is more important than symmetry in photos … especially since she’s already bought her dress.
Post # 4
I would talk to her, she may offer to do something else. If she is a really good friend it should be something you can talk to her about.
Post # 5
kinda rude in a way. she already got the dress unless you are going to offer to pay for it. idk i would feel horrible if someone ask me that
Post # 6
I don’t think I’d actually be able to have that conversation with my friend. To tell her she’s essentially being demoted. But if you think you can, she may just understand (especially if she’s had a wedding also). It all depends on a persons personality. I understand the desire to have things be more symmetic, but I don’t think anyones assumption would be that you just don’t have friends. Its just that these 2 are your closest ones. So don’t assume you have to make it all fit perfectly.
Post # 7
I think it would be rude and it would hurt her feelings. You may end up losing a friend over it. Being a program passer outer and/or a guest book attendant is not, in my opinion, a job you give to someone you really care about.
Post # 8
So has your Fiance already asked the guys to be GMs? I don’t think it would look good to ask all 5 of the guys to step down…
Post # 9
No, it isn’t OK, just because the wedding pics will look uneven. You’d be taking a loyal Bm and punishing her because you feel awkward about the numbers, or because another Bridesmaid or Best Man bailed.
And why is it OK for your Fiance to have his 6 Gms, while you were only going to have 3 BMs, but if he is to just cut down to one best man, you can’t keep your two girls? But honestly, if it’s not fair to cut out your Bridesmaid or Best Man this late in the game, it’s really not fair for him to cut out 5 Gms, either.
I think you need to just leave things as is.
Post # 10
Don’t get rid of your Bridesmaid or Best Man or the groomsmen, they would be really disappointed at this stage. It will work out fine!
Post # 11
If you each have the people that you want, it will be great. Don’t worry about matching sides. Think about what particular part of the day has you on edge about the numbers not matching, then plan for it:
BMs and GMs walking down the aisle, have the GMs upfront waiting with your Fiance, or have extra GMs escort grandmothers in the procession
For pictures of the whole wedding party, don’t line up (or just take one shot like that), take more candid shots or look for some wedding photo inspiration to find shots you want to recreate.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t demote her and I do think it is rude after she has already bought her dress and everything. Honestly why does it matter if the sides match or not? Would you honestly look back at your photos 10 years from now and think “Ugh, we should have had more even sides!” LoL, for some reason that thought makes me giggle. 🙂
Post # 13
Personally, i think it would be a little bit rude.. and even if you asked her to pass out programs and she agreed to it, i think you should also offer to pay for the bm dress (since she could have worn something else to pass out programs).
This may sound silly, but what about being creative with the situation and spacing them out equally on both sides? For example: 3 Groomsmen, Maid/Matron of Honor, You, FI, Bridesmaid, 3 Groomsmen (Bestman first), or something like that? i shows support for you two as a couple, rather that who has more friends.
Either way, it’s a tough one.. good luck with everything!
Post # 14
I would be extremely pissed if I was being demoted from bridesmaid to an attendant for picture reasoning only! Now being a bad friend and being demoted??? No problem with that at all. But to demote a good friend of yours who has already paid money for a dress to wear in your wedding for fear of looking like you have no friends is not right, in my opinion.
I’m not trying to be a snotty, so I don’t want you to take this like I am…I just think I would be really hurt if this was done to me.
Post # 15
I agree with what many of the others have said – that it would be rude to demote her just because of the unevenness of it all. Let me, instead, offer you some suggestions on how to deal with the uneveness.
Instead of having your bridesmaids and groomsmen stand up while you do the ceremony/say vows, instead have them sit in the first row. That way most pictures of the ceremony just get bride and groom and you don’t see how uneven your sides are. You could also have the one bridesmaid and five groomsmen seated and just have your Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man standing.
When you take pictures with the whole wedding party, don’t do the groomsmen standing on one side, bridesmaid on the other. Split them all up and so something like:
Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Bride – Groom – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Groomsmen
Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Bride – Groom – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Groomsmen
Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Bride – Groom – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Groomsmen
Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Bride – Groom – Groomsmen – Bridesmaid or Best Man – Groomsmen – Groomsmen
I think any combination of this will work and will help spread out all the men and make you look more even.
Post # 16
I thought it would be rude too Im just weighing my options, thats why I ask your alls opinion I would never want to hurt my bridesmaid. I just wanted to reassure myself with whay I already though. My Fiance hasn’t asked his guys to be his groomsmen yet but I really want him to have all his important friends in the wedding as well. I would still have everyone in the pictures I just thought maybe giving them a diff job would be ok….but now I see its not. My mind is just spinning right now because my other bridesmaid bailed on me for no reason, Im just trying to figure out the best way. I promise Im not a mean girl lol. I feel kinda mean that I even thought of that now. Thanks ladies for your input!!!!!