Help! Would you be upset?

posted 6 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
2813 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

As a guest, no I wouldn’t be upset about it if they didn’t end up getting around to me, but I would much prefer if they put the effort in to at least say hello – especially if I’ve traveled to get there. If you make an effort but end up missing a few people, that’s no big deal, but your fiance’s attitude about this SUCKS and he needs to readjust that shit stat.

Post # 32
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - Saint Louis, MO

Okay I am so behind but what is a recieving line? My fiancé and I both have not had any weddings in our family really. We actually will be the first on both sides of our family to have an actual big wedding? I want to make sure I have the best etiquette!

Post # 33
Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee

I think your Fiance’s attitude towards your guests is pretty awful.  

 

 

Post # 34
Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee

And also, you typically have a lull while everyone is eating and I know B&Gs will typically make rounds as soon as tables are done eating/before cake is served.  

Post # 35
Member
43 posts
Newbee

ebonyt93 :  A receiving line happens usually immediately after the ceremony. The parents, bridal party and the newlyweds form a line to greet the guests. The guests then come through the line and get greeted face to face.   You may have seen something similar at the end of a team sporting event, where players of opponents shake hands in a comradery way, congratulating the winners for a game well played. 

Post # 36
Member
7373 posts
Busy Beekeeper

This is why we did a receiving line, so we wouldn’t have to worry about getting around to everyone at the reception. The receiving line was exhausting (we had about 140 people at our wedding), but at least it ensured that we had some direct face to face time with each guest.

I think your fiance is acting like a spoiled brat. Poor baby being forced to invite all these relatives he didn’t want there. Who I’m sure will bring gifts. I’m normally pretty lax about etiquette stuff because I feel like in many cases, breeches of traditional etiquette aren’t ill-intended and life is too short to get your panties in a wad over most of this shit. I woudln’t be deeply offended if I went to a wedding and the couple didn’t get around to talking to me. But… your fi’s attitude IS clearly coming from a pretty disgraceful place. He sounds incredibly entitled and downright contemptuous  toward many of the guests that he allowed to be invited to his wedding. Not to mention immature, self-centured and petulant. If he really didn’t want to see these people then he should have put his foot down and insisted on a smaller guest list.

Post # 37
Member
11119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

There is nothing ruder or more self centered IMO than a host who neglects this basic etiquette rule. It is your obligation as either guest of honor or host to greet every guest. That can be by way of a receiving line or table visits. People make all that effort and he can’t be bothered to say hello? Older guests are not the only ones who will notice. 

If I had to pick a criticism I hear over and over about some brides and grooms today this would be high on the list.

Post # 38
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Op, no question your fiance is advocating rudeness.  At *any* party,  the hosts are expected to greet their guests….

Post # 39
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Who is paying? Was your fiance bribed into inviting people he didn’t want or bullied into it? That’s where the mistake lies–lots of people invited whom he didn’t want to invite. There’s a lesson here…

Post # 40
Member
1948 posts
Buzzing bee

We tried to say hi to everyone at their table or find time to say hi later to anyone we missed.  We prioritized tables of people who might leave early or not be out on the dance floor.  I was racking my brain later trying to remember if we greeted everyone, I can’t imagine not even trying.  Glad you decided to greet your guests. 

Post # 41
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

alfalfasprout10518 :  approx 10 years ago I travelled interstate to my cousins wedding.  It was a wedding of around 90 people and she didn’t even speak to me once, not even a hi.  She actually bypassed our whole family table.  I felt pretty snubbed at the end of the night to be honest.  Now I’ve been married I get that it would have just been an honest mistake, but at the time our table were all talking about it when we left. We didn’t have assigned tables (cocktail wedding) So Darling Husband and I made a game plan that we would go see family that’s travelled, local family, friends that have travelled and then for our local friends, we pretty much just saw on the dancefloor.

If you want to knock it off faster, is a receiving line really out of the question? 

Post # 43
Member
3876 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think it’s important. I’ve been to weddings where the couple didn’t make an effort to go around to everyone and it left me feeling a bit sad. I was so happy for them and yet didn’t get to have any moment of connection. And it can be hard to go up and talk to them when everyone else is trying to do that as well and you don’t want to bug them. 

Visiting tables won’t take hours. It’s just a brief stop and chat, maybe a group photo. He can do it. It’s not his family’s fault that his parents forced you to invite them, and they are all going to be so genuinely happy for you. 

Post # 44
Member
759 posts
Busy bee

We took around large baskets filled with our party favours to hand out to everyone while they were sitting at their tables during desert. We wanted to take the time to thank each and every one of them for coming. We spent a bit longer with those that had come a long way or were elderly. We though it was much quicker than a receiving line and kinder to the older generation as they did not have to stand in a line. It worked really well for us. We only had 125 people though.

Post # 45
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

I know you have three pages of comments and probably feel overloaded and dogpiled on. I’m not trying to add to that. I just feel strongly about this, because it’s made such an impact on me as a guest.

Every time a couple makes time to greet me at a wedding, I feel so treasured and special. None of my close family or friends have gotten married yet, so 100% of these table visits have been done by people who were likely just being polite and didn’t have a great deal of excitement at the thought of saying hi to me specifically. I knew that. I was fine with that.

But the fact that they took the time to do it anyway? It felt awesome! I’m in my mid 20s and didn’t go to a wedding until I was 19, so i had no idea it was common practice until this year. I still feel really good about those table visits and still appreciate the couple’s efforts in greeting me. 

Even if it won’t mean much to your FH, it will mean SO MUCH to your guests!

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