(Closed) Help…freaking out. FH told me he doesnt know the point of marriage.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe you two should consider counseling.  It sounds like he still has a lot of issues from his parent’s split and he is afraid that it will happen again with you.  He should be able to seperate the fact that you are in a completely different relationship than his parents.

Post # 4
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d be more concerned about the comment about “changing his image”  How would his “image” be changed if he’s married…?

Agree on counseling.

Post # 5
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

That’s horrible, I agree with counseling. Can I ask you a personal question, Do you live together? and did he ask you to marry him?

As far as the image comment, sounds to me he’s too immature to get married.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Is this a one-time freak out? Has he ever said anything like this before? Because this definitely sounds like a freak out to me! With lame excuses to boot, but you can’t blame him being gun-shy, I definitely have met a few jaded people because of their parents/friends/family’s/previous divorces.

But welcome! =]

Post # 7
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with the counseling. And yes, it changes his image…. it shows that he is commited to you and if it bothers him to make that known, you two have much bigger issues. I highly doubt he feels that way, although I don’t know him. This is where the counselor could help walk you two through this

Post # 9
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Am I the only one curious as to what “image” your FH is trying to keep from being ruined? I agree with hotchild…that comment would bother me more than him questioning marriage. I mean it has to be tough to see your parents going through a divorce while you are planning a wedding.

I think you guys need some counseling just to make sure that you are on the same page and not borrowing your Future In-Laws troubles..

Post # 10
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

Agreed on the counseling. There are 2 HUGE issues – his “party-boy image” and his commitment. Both need to be addressed ASAP!! Good luck!! ((Hugs))

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah i see your dilemma. He honestly does not sound like he is ready to be married and settle down. However if you are 100% okay with his actions (and partying, whatever), then are you expecting him to change when you get married? Does he think a big change is coming? Cuz i’m concerned that if in 5 years you DO get tired of that (it is inevitable, ya know?) and he’s not, there’ll be problems. But, if you both acknowledge there will be no “lifestyle change” (ie him becoming more of a homebody, etc, just b/c he’s married), then that’s another thing. I’d be concerned b/c it sounds like a repeat and I do think you guys could benefit from some counseling

Post # 12
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Did you discuss with him what you think the point of marriage is?

I don’t see why being married would affect being able to go out since you haven’t told him to knock it off yet, is he worried you’ll change?

I think it is definately an important conversation for both of you to have but especially since you’re emotional to sit down and think about it for a bit as to why marriage is an important commitment and why it upsets you that he’s more worried about his image ‘changing’

 

Post # 13
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

wow, in all honesty… as a mom, I would not be okay with a party boy, especially that old. If you are ok with that, then that is fine, but think about the future…. do you plan to have children? Family needs to come before being out with the boys, drinking, other women.

 

If he is not ok with counseling, then I see a lot of let downs, fights, issues in your future….unless you can sit quietly.

He needs to grow up.

 

Post # 14
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Counseling. Stat.

He doesn’t seem to want to commit to settling down at all.  And the image comment, after you explained he’s a party boy, really unnerves me a bit.

Post # 15
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you should try again to get him to go to counseling and if he doesn’t go, there’s nothing saying you can’t go without him. Maybe he’ll come around too, once he knows you are going.

I would try to get more specific reasons out of him about what’s going on. He seems confused and you’re not on the same page.

Post # 16
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree about the image thing – it sounds like he is WAY too concerned about this. Do you mind if I ask what type of profession he’s in? It doesn’t sound like he HAS to project that type of image, especially if others are married and have children. This sounds like it is a very serious issue and needs to  be dealt with head on. Perhaps you should talk to him about what he thinks will change after you two are married? Just like everybody else, I’d sort of push the counseling issue a bit because this is pretty concerning. Good Luck!

Bella

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