(Closed) HELP!!!How do you ask someone to take a paternity test without upsetting them…

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it would be in your brother’s best interest to get the paternity test done, because what happens if the other possible father (who is legally paying support) does the paternity test and the results are negative? Is it possible that there may be some legal and financial repercussions for both the mother & your brother?

Also, why would someone else be paying support f they aren’t for sure for sure the father? The mother ‘deciding’ 3 years down the line that she wants a different ‘daddy’ for her son seems a little suspect. Maybe I am just paranoid.

Is there any way for you to speak frankly with your brother? Does he really want to involve himself if the child is not his? If he still wants to be involved with the child/mother regardless of the paternity, then that is a different can of worms altogether.


Post # 4
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t think there is a way to tell someone to take a paternity test and not make them mad. You may want to let your brother know though, that if he is listed on the birth certificate or indicated in any court paperwork, he will be responsible for paying child support, until the child reaches the age of 18, 24, if the child goes to college or university. He will also be responsible for medical, dental, eye care, etc. Maybe letting him know that it will seriously affect his wallet, he will be more inclinde to get the paternity test. It would be a shame for him to have to support this child, if he is not really the father.

Post # 5
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Were this woman and her ex married at the time of conception and/or birth of the child?  In many states, that would make the ex legally the father, even if biologically your brother is the father.

Your brother may be resisting a paternity test just because he does not see a benefit to himself in getting it.  If someone else is listed on the birth certificate and is paying child support, he may just figure that having a paternity test could result in some obligations he does not want to take on.

To be honest, I would suggest speaking with a family lawyer in your state to figure out what the legal situation is.

Post # 8
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah, I’m not sure how you can do much more than you have.  Is your brother currently helping her financially?  Or helping with child care?  It sounds as though whatever he is doing, he wants to do even if he is not the father.

And I do understand wanting to vent, even if there is not much you can do.

Post # 9
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

No legal advice here.

But I don’t think you should push them.  It’s really not your business.  If you decide to help financially or with legal stuff, they are right, you shouldn’t put a condition on it.  Or if you do, be prepared to be told no, then don’t offer your help.  If he wants to be there for the child regardless of paternity, I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to tell him he shouldn’t.

Post # 10
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

From the sound of it, it seems like your brother is set on having the child in his life regardless of the outcome, so it may be that your brother doesnt want to know b/c it may hurt him if it isnt? It seems he wants to play the father role. 

In this situation, I would say to let him be and dont push too hard on it b/c they might get that sense that you only want to be there or accept the child on “condition”. I know as a sister you are out to look in the best interest of your younger brother, and it is VERY important to find out IMO, but I think the best thing to do is just support the decision your brother makes. It’s a big step for him to step up and take on a responsibility that may or may not be his..

IMO, i think he doesnt want to take the test b/c he doesnt want the family to look at the child differently if it wasnt his.. it seems like he really wants to be a part of this childs life and bring him into your family.



Post # 11
1032 posts
Bumble bee

I am sorry you are dealing with the uncertainty and the turmoil. I have to say, I don’t think there is anything to do and you are totally right that if you keep pushing them you may just push them away. I’m sorry. Its something your brother has to want and push for himself, and even though you love him and he is your family, its not your place 🙁 I’m sorry. Good luck and I hope for the best for you and your family!

Post # 12
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You don’t.  Sorry to be blunt, but this is between two consenting adults and the ramifications of their actions are theirs to bare. 

Post # 14
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

walgreens! they sell DIY paternity tests (sounds stupid i know) but you can do the non legal one (which can not be held up in court BUT can be used as proof to move further or not) you just have to get samples… offer to baby sit for the child, easy peasy, its your brother that will be tougher. i had to do this for a friend and even though she was willing it was really easy. the instructions and everything are in the box. good luck!

Post # 15
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If your brother is scared to tell your family about the child you should not push him until he is ready. You stated yourself that he is immature, let him grow up and become a man. Your brother doesn’t care about paternity and neither does the mother, so why do you care so much? If the paternity of the child is so important to you I would advise you to stay away from the child until the issue is resolved. I understand you not wanting to get close to the child and it turns out not to be your brothers.

Post # 16
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

This can turn into a very messy legal battle down the road. What happens if you guys start helping out, and then the original baby daddy starts paying again? Or if she decides that your brother isn’t helping enough, and tries to go after him? What if your brother gets attached to this kid, and she takes off again? Your brother will have NO parental rights without a paternity test or adopting the child, and it can be a huge deal. When the child starts school, it’ll be even more important, since schools are being so protective nowadays.

I would sit your brother down and go over the potential problems, and even create mock scenarios that he might get hurt with. It sounds like he knows the kid isn’t his, and is trying to avoid any situation that might reveal this.

The topic ‘HELP!!!How do you ask someone to take a paternity test without upsetting them…’ is closed to new replies.

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