(Closed) Help!!!How to get to know eachother??? He's a Sailor

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you date him if you were me?
    Yes : (14 votes)
    45 %
    No : (17 votes)
    55 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Well…you talk. And if you like each other, then you like each other.  Have you hung out with him yet?

    Post # 5
    Member
    502 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would talk with him on the phone, or e-mail if he is on a ship. Then get together when he comes home.  How long will it be before he is able to have a shore job? If I was single, I wouldn’t date another military guy ever again, especially long distance. I was cheated on my a marine, and have heard the stories about every other branch. It’s not to say that they all cheat, but the temptation is definitely there for them. Also, if it ended up being serious, are you willing to move where ever he got stationed? It’s an entirely different lifestyle.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @MrsVMT:  You say, “Would you like to get together for drinks when you come?”  and then keep talking to him.  How did you know when other men you dated were interested?

     

    I should add this: my brother is in the Navy.  He’s married.  He and his wife have been married for nine years, but for about half of them he’s been “underway”, which means he did not see his family for months at a time.  He’s most likely not going to make it to my wedding because he has to go sail a ship around.  It SUCKS.  He misses Thanksgiving and Christmas EVERY SINGLE YEAR.   

    Post # 9
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @MrsVMT:  Okay, I did the same thing. I met my man when he was home on his Christmas leave on a blind date. We went onto a lunch date after that then he left. We kept in touch via text and A LOT of skyping. We became very close. He sent me flowers for Valentines Day and I made the decision to drive 10 hours to visit him and allow him to take me on a real date. 

    Well, that was probably the best decision I could have made! We officially started dating during that time, and we got married 3 months later. He is truly my soul mate and best friend. 

    Maybe get together and hang out for a weekend, let him take you out on a date. Get to know him even more now that its been a few years and you both have become more mature. Long distance relationships are amazing. They may stink at times beacuse you’re not with them when everyone else is with their SO. However, it makes your relationship so much stronger and  the time spent together so much sweeter.

    There are ways to get around possible communication barriers. Texting everyday, skyping, good ol written letters, and because I am actually a more “emotionally needy” person and my husband is not… he always makes sure that he tells me something “nice” right before bed. This varies from “You are my pain in my ass” or “I love you and you are the only one for me”… and we also start every day with “Good Morning Handsome/Beautiful” and end every day with “Good Night Handsome/Beautiful”. 

    Okay I got a little carried away there, but honestly don’t let long distance scare you.. it’s a great way to build trust and important qualities in a good relationship 🙂

     

    Feel free to message me if you have any other questions!

    Post # 10
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    well been awhile since I’ve heard them refer so formally as merchant mariner ! I guess to put it your way I’m a merchant mariner and so is my SO you are correct we AREN’T miltary. we’re everyday people who just happen to leave a few weeks to a month at a time to go work on a boat.

    best thing to do is keep writing. phones don’t always work. I don’t hear from my SO for a month at a time when he’s on his boat. ask him questions where he sails to to know if he can talk. or tell him if he’s free to call. we work shifts on boats. nothing sucks ore than getting a call. off watch when your tryin to sleep no matter who’s calling :). email is usually best but keep your cool if it’s a few days before you hear from him. sometimes email goes out. sometimes your just too tired and busy to email.

    for us at sea it’s nice having a tie to land. if you ask questions about him it’s usually better. than “how was your day?” cause quiet honestly on a boat everyday is the same and for those that are exciting you probably don’t want to know what happened lol more than likely cause it will only make you worry about him. 

     

     

    i would think if he’s coming to see you hes intrested! just remember its hard for the both of you in different ways. alot of these guys get cheated on (personally as a girl in thier world I think they have bad taste in women lol) so some have hard time with relationships and trust being gone. guys out here are terrible to each other they constantly say stuff about your girl cheating to each other or my fave! she’s after your money! ugh boys. for you it will be hard with him always been gone you need to get use to him here then him gone. and be easy on him. if this turns into a relationship he isn’t leaving because he wants to. leaving the one your with to go on a boat is the hardest thing ever. but it’s your job. so you go. 

    but there are perks. when they’re off they’re off! most know a schd far out. there are alot of good guys out there who ship.  

     

    one last thing. don’t expect people to get your relationship. shipping relationships are different from everything out there. theyre different from normal cause he’s gone half the time. they’re different then miltary  you lack thesupport groups miltary couples are offered. stick to your guns you’ll know what’s right in your gut. :). AND I probably went way over board 🙂 sorry. it’s hard but do able and worth it in the end. just keep in mind it won’t move like a normal relationship that your use to   it will move it’s own way. flow with it 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Good advice from the other gals.

    If you are curious about reading men, so as not to fall in love (infatuation / lust) with the wrong kind of guy

    SMART MOVE THIS PROTECTING YOUR HEART

    Then half the battle is knowing yourself, and what it is you want and need in life

    When I was going thru my Divorce I read two awesome books on this topic that helped me to understand how men think and what makes one a better catch than another (and whatever they do for a job / living has nothing to do with that whatsoever… just because a guy has a particular career doesn’t mean that he is more prone to cheat etc.  Cheating is a state of mind, a moral decision.  If you have the right morals then it isn’t something one is prone to do)

    Ok the books…

    1- He’s Just Not That Into You … by Greg Behrendt

    A great way to sort the quality guys from the non-quality ones

    2- Love Smart – Find the one you want / Fix the one you got … by Dr Phil

    This is a great read that will help you with your “dating game” both conveying the right messages to a man so as to get what you want… as well as deciphering the messages that they are sending back to you (another great way to determine if the guy is being forthright / honest with you… or a player with you for example)

    This book is a way to sort out your own feelings, wants and needs.  So as not to waste any time on someone who isn’t respectful of where you are in life and what you expect to get out of life in the long run

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    yes that’s fine with me! I’m new at this so I apologize now if it takes me a bit to realize I have a message!

    Post # 16
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    what company does he work for? I you dont mind me asking! I know alot of boats in NYC harbor have worse cell reception ever (odd I know but trust me it sucks lol) so sometimes yes texting is the easiest vs a call that drops every 5 sec. what’s his rotation also?

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