- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
I’m a regular on wb, but i’ve gone anonymous because i’m so embarrasssed about this.
I love my fiance to bits. I can’t wait to be his wife, and he’s the most amazing thing that’s every happened to me. We bring out the best in each other and I love how everything falls into place with him.
….I have this new colleague at work. He’s been around for about 2 months, and I’ve developed feelings for him. God this feels terrible, but at the same time i feel so excited just being around him….something which i haven’t felt in a long time. his personality is EXTREMELY similar to my fiance’s…caring, kind, funny, considerate, likes to keep the peace, mischevious,….. except he takes more initiative and has loads of self-confidence, which makes him really attractive. I’ve always wished my fiance would believe in himself more, and i’ve tried so hard to help him with this. But he won’t even send apply for a job without me having to coax him into it….it gets tiring sometimes, and i have to admit its very unattractive when I feel stronger and more capable than my fiance at so many things. I love him to bits, and there are a million and one things I love about him….but I can’t help having this huge crush on my colleague. Let’s call him Ben. And before I continue, I’d like to make it perfectly clear that i’ve NEVER cheated on a guy in my life, and I don’t intend to. EVER. No matter how I feel about “ben” I love and respect my fiance too much to ever hurt him.
Lately, I’ve been opening up to Ben about this weight problem I’ve been having. I used to look hot about 6 years ago, but now I’ve gained about 25kgs and I feel terrible. I seem to have loads of resistance when it comes to diet and exercise and it’s really frustrating. I’ve been asking my fiance to help me and support me, and he does it in his own way – by telling me that i’m beautiful and that I don’t need to lose weight. Which I think is really sweet but I need someone who really gives me that push. And now, Ben’s been doing just that.
Today at work, Ben and I were talking about weight loss, and he really encouraged me to start working out. It felt so good to have someone believe in me and encourage me like that. He said things like “I’ll call you tonight to make sure you’ve done that workout”, “you’re so good at other things in life, this is just one other challenge”, “come on, we’ll do it together to support each other”. Please note. He was NOT flirting with me. He’s kind and caring with everyone he knows, basically a great friend.
He actually managed to convince me to work out today. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude and admiration towards Ben. He’s got most of the amazing qualities my fiance has, and a bit more, which is what makes me have these feelings for him. Then there’s the fact that I spend more time with him than my fiance because I see him every day at work. Of course there’s also the fact that he’s really attractive, physically.
I feel so ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty. I’ve never felt this way while being in a relationship, I’ve always been so fiercly loyal and honest to my fiance. I love him. I want to tell him about my feelings because he’s my best friend and I usually talk to him about everything, but I know this would tear him apart, and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt.
I really don’t know what to do :'(