Post # 1
Okay gals…you’ll never guess…"Cream Sauce" the horrible Bridesmaid or Best Man I booted from my wedding and then STUPIDLY allowed her to attend my wedding – is in my friends wedding 2 weeks before mine.
Well The Horrid Bridesmaid or Best Man is terrorizing her and has been for some time. I keep telling her to boot her, I’ve even offered to take her place in the wedding to help things out. I’ve talked up the coolness of eneven wedding parties. And we’ve talked about how we both know that her wedding day will be super stressful because of the Bridesmaid or Best Man.
She’s very non-confromtational, never ever wants to hurt anyone no matter how much they hurt her. And now "Cream Sauce" is not coming to her bridal shower claiming to have to work…on a day her office isn’t even open!!
You all know, that this Horrid Bridesmaid or Best Man will DESTROY my sweet friends wedding day, and drive her through stress city, so I thought maybe whatever you guys have to say I could e-mail to her in support of her getting rid of the Bridesmaid or Best Man to keep her wedding day smooth and happy. My friend has already said once the wedding is over there’s no need to ever talk to her again…so there’s really nothing to salvage, friendship-wise.
Help me help her!
BAN CREAM SAUCE!
Post # 3
I just think that on your wedding day you should be surrounded by people that love you and want to help you, not be the center of attention themselves. Have her call Cream Sauce and say that she’s sorry that her wedding has become such a burden and that it’s probably better for her (CS) and would make her life easier if she didn’t have to deal with the bridesmaid stuff. Phrase it so that she’s the center of attention (what she craves, apparently) while getting what you want.
Post # 4
Ooooh, I’d stay out of that one….The bride is a grownup; she can decide on her own.
Post # 5
I agree with MaryAlison. Take care of your wedding and she will figure out hers.
Post # 6
I like the first comment from jma19. I had to do that with one of my BMs.
I simply said to her, "If you think you can no longer handle the stress of being a bridesmaid, I will be happy to send you an invitation as a guest and you can choose to come or not just like everyone else."
For me, it relieved A LOT of stress she was giving me. She wanted me to change most of my wedding decisions to suit her.
The way it resulted for me? Well, she cried for a while and asked if she could still be in the wedding party. I agreed, but said that I will no longer be discussing my plans with her. She will be at all functions and standing up there with me on my wedding day, but I’m keeping specifics to myself. I’m not discluding her. It’s just easier this way. Things have really changed for the better! And she’s just happy to be involved at all now.
Good luck to you and your friend!
Post # 7
Stay out of it. Its her wedding day, maybe she just doesn’t want it to be the start of a feud. I agree you can be supportive and stand by the bride if that’s what she wants to do – but don’t pressure into the decision.
Post # 8
I agree. It’s not your place to say anything. Let the bride decide.
Post # 9
All you can do is make your feelings/opinion known. If you’ve already done so and your friend doesn’t take action, let it drop gracefully and be as supportive as you can (balancing out any badness, if possible, but not in an ‘I told you so’ kind of way). By continuing to push for this, you may be adding to her stress rather than decreasing it, even if your intentions are good.
Post # 10
I would just keep your feelings to yourself. She knows what happen with your wedding, so now you need to stay out of it and let her make her own choices.
Post # 11
Not to offend anyone here….but I have continued reading posts since my wedding and obviously before. I love the whole wedding process. Anyway, maybe I’m a little PMS-y here, but what is with people asking girls to be in their weddings that they aren’t real close to, that they get nothing but support from, that they can’t imagine them not being part of their day? I read another post a few minutes ago about a Maid/Matron of Honor who was sick, and whether or not she should be replaced. Whether she is there or not, she should not be "replaceable", and in this situation here, why did your friend ask this girl that she doesn’t even care about maintaining a relationship with after the wedding? My point is this – if she doesn’t really care for this girl anyway, then why is she worried about hurting her feelings? Just tell her its not working out, the end, right? Weddings are not about having "even sides", nor about how many "friends" you have up there with you. Keep the ones who you care about and vice versa. Thats it.
Post # 12
I was thinking the same thing as dreambml, and then I read her post. Very eloquently put.
Post # 13
I completely disagree with the last two comments. I do , however agree that you should support your friend in the decision that she makes, but not to make it for her.
When I got engaged I decided I decided to have my sisters (ONLY) in the wedding. It was the first thing that I decided on, in fact. One of my friends (that was not good enough of a friend to be in the wedding) pitched a fit! My unknowing, wonderful do-gooder fiance said "We have three guys and only two girls. I think it would be fine if you were in the wedding" Yikes! It get’s worse though… She went on the computer and bought her dress right then. I was so blown away I said nothing. She is now not in the wedding. (there were many many more problems to follow)
Anyway I would have loved to have someone do my dirtywork. Believe me, my sisters made daily offers. But I am glad that I did it myself and I finally got to wash my hands of the whole mess. Whew!
Post # 14
Step back from the drama. This cream sauce girl seems to be consuming so much of your energy.
Post # 15
I agree with BriJL and the comments that followed hers…
Post # 16
Oops, I meant I agree with gaudior23 and the comments that followed hers…