(Closed) Helping a friend Boot a BM

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

I just think that on your wedding day you should be surrounded by people that love you and want to help you, not be the center of attention themselves. Have her call Cream Sauce and say that she’s sorry that her wedding has become such a burden and that it’s probably better for her (CS) and would make her life easier if she didn’t have to deal with the bridesmaid stuff. Phrase it so that she’s the center of attention (what she craves, apparently) while getting what you want.

Post # 4
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

Ooooh, I’d stay out of that one….The bride is a grownup; she can decide on her own.

Post # 5
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

I agree with MaryAlison. Take care of your wedding and she will figure out hers.

Post # 6
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I like the first comment from jma19. I had to do that with one of my BMs.

I simply said to her, "If you think you can no longer handle the stress of being a bridesmaid, I will be happy to send you an invitation as a guest and you can choose to come or not just like everyone else."

For me, it relieved A LOT of stress she was giving me. She wanted me to change most of my wedding decisions to suit her.

The way it resulted for me? Well, she cried for a while and asked if she could still be in the wedding party. I agreed, but said that I will no longer be discussing my plans with her. She will be at all functions and standing up there with me on my wedding day, but I’m keeping specifics to myself. I’m not discluding her. It’s just easier this way. Things have really changed for the better! And she’s just happy to be involved at all now.

Good luck to you and your friend!

Post # 7
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Stay out of it.  Its her wedding day, maybe she just doesn’t want it to be the start of a feud.  I agree you can be supportive and stand by the bride if that’s what she wants to do – but don’t pressure into the decision.

Post # 8
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I agree.  It’s not your place to say anything.  Let the bride decide. 

Post # 9
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

All you can do is make your feelings/opinion known.  If you’ve already done so and your friend doesn’t take action, let it drop gracefully and be as supportive as you can (balancing out any badness, if possible, but not in an ‘I told you so’ kind of way).  By continuing to push for this, you may be adding to her stress rather than decreasing it, even if your intentions are good.

Post # 10
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I would just keep your feelings to yourself. She knows what happen with your wedding, so now you need to stay out of it and let her make her own choices.

Post # 11
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Not to offend anyone here….but I have continued reading posts since my wedding and obviously before.  I love the whole wedding process.  Anyway, maybe I’m a little PMS-y here, but what is with people asking girls to be in their weddings that they aren’t real close to, that they get nothing but support from, that they can’t imagine them not being part of their day?  I read another post a few minutes ago about a Maid/Matron of Honor who was sick, and whether or not she should be replaced.  Whether she is there or not, she should not be "replaceable", and in this situation here, why did your friend ask this girl that she doesn’t even care about maintaining a relationship with after the wedding?  My point is this – if she doesn’t really care for this girl anyway, then why is she worried about hurting her feelings?  Just tell her its not working out, the end, right?  Weddings are not about having "even sides", nor about how many "friends" you have up there with you.  Keep the ones who you care about and vice versa.  Thats it. 

Post # 12
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I was thinking the same thing as dreambml, and then I read her post.  Very eloquently put.

 

Post # 13
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I completely disagree with the last two comments.  I do , however agree that you should support your friend in the decision that she makes, but not to make it for her.

When I got engaged I decided I decided to have my sisters (ONLY) in the wedding.  It was the first thing that I decided on, in fact.  One of my friends (that was not good enough of a friend to be in the wedding) pitched a fit!  My unknowing, wonderful do-gooder fiance said "We have three guys and only two girls.  I think it would be fine if you were in the wedding"  Yikes!  It get’s worse though… She went on the computer and bought her dress right then.  I was so blown away I said nothing.  She is now not in the wedding.  (there were many many more problems to follow)

 Anyway I would have loved to have someone do my dirtywork.  Believe me, my sisters made daily offers.  But I am glad that I did it myself and I finally got to wash my hands of the whole mess.  Whew!

Post # 14
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Step back from the drama.  This cream sauce girl seems to be consuming so much of your energy.

Post # 15
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree with BriJL and the comments that followed hers…

Post # 16
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Oops, I meant I agree with gaudior23 and the comments that followed hers…

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