(Closed) "Helping" him out…how much/how little?

posted 4 years ago in Rings
  • poll: How involved were you in helping SO choose your ring?

    We shopped for/designed the ring together; I knew exactly what the ring was going to look like.

    I gave him hints and information, but didn't choose the exact ring.

    I let him have full reign and was totally surprised.

  • Post # 2
    1083 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I picked the setting, but I haven’t got a clue when it comes to diamonds. Fiance dove into that and researched the crud about what stone he wanted to get for me. His boss has a lot of knowledge about diamonds. Fiance ended up buying a diamond off of ebay. It’s legit, we have the certificate and it’s been appraised by a jeweler. But he took a lot of pride in my center stone.

    Post # 3
    10281 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I was very involved in picking my ring. We talked about it a lot and I sent him pictures but eventually we decided it would be easiest if we just went shopping together. I ended up picking three settings I loved and he made the final choice. And he picked out the center sapphire completely on his own so the final ring was still a surprise.

    Post # 4
    355 posts
    Helper bee

    I sent him a photo and said, “hey babe, I was getting my finger sized and looking at rings today and I saw this one. It’s on sale for $900. Here’s the jeweler’s name and the ring number if it’s one you like.” and his response was “That’s exactly the one you want? It looks nice to me. Thanks for the info.” And 2 weeks later he was checking his voicemail on speakerphone and I hear “Hi Mr. L*****, this is Ashlee from JEWELRY STORE, your ring has been resized.” He hung the phone up and gave me a sheepish look and we had a good laugh. We didn’t plan on me picking it out, but I found one I love, it was on an amazing sale, and he was relieved that he didn’t have to try to find exactly what I wanted. 


    My ex-husband gave me a rose gold ring with morganite stones. It was really great, it wouldn’t clash with anything I wore. I really loved it and recomend anyone whose intereste that it’s a great stone. I wore it ALL the time and it held up really well.


    But if you don’t want to be that involved, you can just give your bf a lot of ideas of what you like. The way DH & I did it is not common at all. 

    Post # 5
    954 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    This will be something you have and wear for the rest of your life, you should have input.

    When my DH first started looking at rings, he was looking at diamonds. I did not want a diamond. I kind of took over. We went to the jewler together so I could try them on and see them in person, I found the setting I liked, but could not decide on the stone – morganite or aquamarine. So I left to stone decision to him so there was still a surprise aspect to the ring.


    Post # 6
    4062 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    We got engaged without a ring, then went to a jeweler together and designed a setting and chose a stone.  I like that it is a reflection of both of us. I never liked the concept of putting the entire proposal and ring in his hands because I feel like if we’re a team we should enter into that process together. But that is just one in a list of a hundred “traditional” things neither of us wanted to participate in. 

    Post # 8
    4111 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We were in his hometown (overseas) and walking through an area with lots of jewelry shops and engagement rings in the windows. He said to me “I always thought you’d like something antique or vintage”. I replied “that would be amazing”. That was the entire ring conversation. He proposed about 8 months later with a beautiful ring from the 1920’s

    Post # 9
    2329 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think it just depends on what each of you wants out of this process, and also who the more knowledgeable party is. I was the more knowledgeable one in our relationship, and neither of us cared to keep me in the dark, so we’ve collaborated from the very beginning.

    He shared his preferred budget and carat size, I let him know what sort of stats we could get for that budget (i.e. the color/clarity we’d need to pair with the carat size he wanted for the budget he had), we contacted my preferred vendor, arranged to visit him together on a trip back east, then submitted the order form to begin the rough search together while drinking champage in our hotel room in NY. 

    It’s definitely not true at all that collaborating takes all the romance out of it. If anything, collaborating at each step has amped up our mutual anticipation level. We got to share our excitement and “celebrate” when he submitted the order form, we got to discuss and “celebrate” when a good piece of rough was finally found and we pulled the trigger, etc.

    If I were you, I would just feel out my boyfriend, let him know I wanted to be involved and get his feelings on the matter. Luckily, my SO didn’t really care one way or the other, but if he had preferred to do it all his own, we would have come up with some sort of compromise! 

    Post # 10
    923 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

    I’ve done what kharpe6 did before, and got a beautiful ring out of the deal. Was the hardest thing to return when I ended our engagement.

    On this engagement, I’ve done most of the research and after looking at thousands (it seems) of rings online, and hundreds in person at most of the jewelry stores in my area, I finally narrowed it down to a BE ring.

    I had their Plume ring in hand last month, with their super premium moissanite. It was GORGEOUS. However, after hearing about an Hearts and Arrows cut moissanite, that’s the stone I’m holding out for and of course BE doesn’t have that cut right now (but when I returned it, and they asked why, they responded that they will be getting that cut in, soon). I felt like the non-HA cut was a little too splintery, and I kept looking for the arrows. There are a few details that we want to change on the final ring, so I’ve sent him my ideas, and the rest is up to him. 

    I’m hoping to be let in on the CAD process, but if not that’s ok. He knows what I like and has my desires. As long as it’s got milgrain and a 1 carat moissy, I will be happy. If he wants to purchase I diamond, I’m ok with that, too.

    Post # 11
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I just want to add that this is all dependant on the man. Some men want total control over the ring (I don’t think they see it that way, they just want to pick the ring and the proposal). Others want an idea so they can select what you like and fit it into their budget. Other men want to know exactly what you like and will buy you just that. If he is asking you questions, then he at least wants your input. But, in the end he will have final say as he is making the purchase.

    Post # 12
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I showed him rings I liked and I wanted white gold and diamond(s) but I told him I wanted him to surprise me and pick it out by himself. 

    He did awesome I love my ring(s)!!!

    Post # 13
    37 posts
    • Wedding: February 1992

    While my hubby picked out the ring alone, he knew what I liked and disliked when it came to metals, stones, stone shape etc. Like others have said, you’re the one who has to wear the ring forever, so you should have some input; you don’t want to end up hating your rings.



    Post # 14
    241 posts
    Helper bee

    Fi wanted to pick it and for it to be a surprise. So he asked me to send him examples of stuff I liked. Well, that was a fail. I like everything from Edwardian settings to plain bands. My examples confused him even more. “But which one do you REALLY want?” “Which is your favorite?”. I couldn’t answer these questions since I REALLY wanted all of them and I loved them all equally for their different traits.

    So we went to the stores to look and ended up seeing a sparkley band RHR that I had put on a list for him. When I saw it in the store I couldn’t look at anything else. So I guess I picked my own, and then knew what it would be. He wanted to surprise me with the proposal after that since I picked the ring. But he is awful at hiding his feelings for something this big. So I knew that ahead of time as well.

    If he is asking for help. Help him. I have no chill and was not afraid to send him excel sheets of prices/specs/websites/comments.

    Post # 15
    73 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    mawagedweam07192017 :  Yes! Another spreadsheet maker! I made a Google doc and have shared it with my boyfriend 🙂 

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