- 5 years ago
Guys, I’m really at a loss here. My friend is 32 years old and expects me to change her life for her.
She is a 2 time college graduate but is unemployed. She has a “back injury” (which does exist, but is not preventing her from working in the way she has claimed) and is on government compensation. She only has enough income from this to pay her minimum bills and a food budget of $25/week. She has a car but she cannot drive it because gas is too costly, cannot afford bus fare, and lives at least a 2 hour walk from our city centre, so she rarely leaves her apartment. She counts on other people to drive her around, and up until recently her sister was sending her gift cards for groceries because she felt bad for her (her sister cut this out upon realizing that my friend was basically just taking advantage of her)
Anyway – she is unhappy with her life but she refuses to change it. Instead, she expects me and everyone else to change it for her. Her last 2 boyfriends have broken up with her because of her lack of motivation and her tendencies to “mooch” off of them. She blames them for not “helping her” and for “putting her in this situation”, even though her situation existed long before they came around. I have offered countless suggestions to her, from moving back home, to getting a roommate, to actually just peeling herself out of bed and going to work, etc. She doesn’t act on any of them, and brushes them all off because they require a bit of effort. She often says she is “too tired” and “too crusty” to do things, and is always procrastinating. She won’t even take 10 minutes a day to LOOK for jobs online – not that it matters, because she knows she would never show up for an interview anyway. I am pretty sure that she just wants someone to intervene and give her money, or find a job for her, or help her out of her rut, but she would never do anything that required effort anyway.
She is my friend, but I work full time and have a husband and young family of my own – they are my priority. We work hard to have a home and pay our bills. I do not believe in handing money to someone who chooses not to earn it. I feel terrible saying this, but my friend is dragging me down in a big way lately. I can barely go anywhere or do anything without contant phone calls, texts, emails, asking if I can help her financially, or complaining about how she is tired or grumpy. I have wondered if she has anxiety or depression, but she refuses help. I have wondered if she has chronic fatigue, or some other type of disease, but she insists she feels crappy all the time only because she goes to bed at 4 am and sleeps until 3 pm every day. I’m just very exhausted with her constant needyness and dependency on others.
What would you do if you were me? I know the subject of “needy friends” has come up more than once on these boards.