Post # 1
Ok.. it may not be as bad as it sounds.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years, we have a daughter (best surprise ever!) and have been living together since before I was pregnant. Since I’ve had our daughter we’ve both decided that I should stay home with her while he works. He works 2 jobs a 9-5 during the week and serves at a high end restaurant for some extra cash. We are definitely blessed that he has 2 jobs.
That being said we’ve been talking engagement for a while. We are determined to pay cash for the ring (debt gives us anxiety! ha!) and are half way to our goal.
Here’s the thing.. he’s pretty terrible with money and saving. He’s not a crazy person that can’t stop spending or anything and it doesn’t effect our relationship because we communicate about everything but I’m mostly responsible for the finances to keep things under control, it works for us! 🙂 Since he’s not the best with it, I’m essentially controlling the cash flow to our savings for the ring every month.
I won’t lie I’m a little bitter about it. I wish he was better with his money and it was going to be a big surprise that he got the ring but it likely won’t be. I’m so grateful that he works so hard and I’m grateful that he trusts me to hand over responsibility of the finances. I just wish a little that there was going to be more of a surprise to this whole thing. I’ve told him this and he apologizes and says that he just needed me in his life to figure that part out and that we’re a team in this and in everything, which is sweet.
So anyway.. can anyone relate at all? Or am I all alone and saving for my own ring like a weirdo.. ha!
Post # 3
It’s not weird at all and don’t worry about what the media tells us engagements should be like. It sounds like he is a wonderful, responsible man who loves you very much. The important thing is the love you have for each other and that you will be married. Yay! How you two decide to get there is a personal choice.
Post # 4
Why would that be lame? When you are married everything is both of yours anyway. Lots of people do it.
Post # 5
I thought you meant that you are saving your own money for a ring.Sounds like you have a good hardworking man.I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 6
@kellmerr: Ditto. I totally agree.
Post # 7
You’re living together, sharing finances and have a daughter. It’s normal to be involved in budgeting for a ring at this point. If you weren’t living together, I’d say that’s a purchase he should be taking care of on his own. But here, it’s not that big a deal.
Post # 9
This is NOT a bad thing – you’ve got a hardworking man, and even if you pick the ring out yourself, he can still surprise you when he asks! 🙂
Post # 10
+1 to all above! Not weird or lame.
Post # 11
Thanks ladies!! I feel much more sane. 😉
Post # 12
@bbsoon2be: Nah, I think your situation is fine. My ring won’t be a surprise either and I’m fine with that. I’m too Type A hahaha.
Post # 13
Not lame! You’re going to spend the rest of your lives together, your finances are shared. You’re the one good with money, it makes sense that you’re the one who makes sure this savings project stays on track. As long as you two are comfy with this, I see no problem at all.
My guy is terrible at surprises too. I knew what i thought was going to feel like ‘way too much’ about his proposal, as he prepared for it. I feared we had accidentally sucked all the romance out of it by sharing too much. At some point I realized that nobody (important, anyway) said it had to be a surprise. It’s not a birthday party, it’s a life decision. And the fact that he really wanted to share the details with me and make it so mutual… I can only see that as a good sign about our marriage to come.
By the way, his proposal ended up feeling very special to both of us. It wasn’t dry, unromantic, or free of surprises. I was truly worried for nothing.
Post # 14
My fiance proposed with a Tanzanite ring to make it official while he’s still saving for the diamond ring. The plan was def always for a diamond which I was set on. It actually worked out so that I’m getting the diamond ring in a couple weeks but as the circumstances were, I actually went and picked out the diamond and told them what ring I wanted myself. (I only wanted something very specific and my Fiance knew this so that wouldn’t have been a surprise). I’m visiting family in NJ but we live in South Africa – we ended up finding out the diamonds are – shockingly – significantly cheaper here in NY than in SA.
But even then, I absolutely knew he was going to propose. We had talked about it loads and wanted to do it before I went home to visit family so that I could plan the wedding while here.
He still did a ridiculously incredible amazing and insanely romantic job of surprising me with his proposal.
So even though you know all the details.. that doesn’t mean the proposal won’t be amazing. My Fiance still floored me.. 🙂
Post # 15
I think its sweet that you two are working together to get a ring. I understand the whole surprise thing though. My Fiance sucks at surprises too, it would’ve been nice but….
hey we’re high school sweethearts and share a similar story like you. We have two little boys, live together, i handle the finances (like yours this is not his strong suit). He works alot to provide for the family while im on mat leave. our finances have been “one” for so long, there was and continues to be no clear line of separation. After all, once you’re married it all combines anyway. by the sounds of it, youve got yourself a responsible man, taking care of his family. Good luck to yous and look forward toseeing the ring!
ps: have you two been ring shopping yet? Got anything in mind?
Post # 16
We are saving for my ring together. In fact I made the first cash payment last month. We already share a house, mortgage, bills. My feeling is that I should help pay it, the ring is for me after all. I don’t think you are a weirdo or lame. Everyone’s circumstances are different. Whatever works for you guys as a family.