(Closed) Helping with DH's ADHD, loses/breaks things a lot

posted 4 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s important to realize there are two categories of stuff: Stuff that can have a place and stuff that needs to move. I helped my FH to establish places around the house to put things that don’t need to move once he’s in the door (in particular his keys, wallet) and to make a habit of things he moves from room to room with (headphones, iPhone, kindle, glasses) in a little pouch to keep everything together and at least it’s easier to find the pouch full of stuff ranther than individual, small things that could be scattered all of the place or stuffed into pockets (where important things go to die). If I see things out, I just stick them back in the pouch. It sounds a little juvenile but his pouch is pretty manly looking:http://www.kletterwerks.com/products/accessories/nobel-pocket/

It works beautifully and I don’t have to spend time helping him find lost things or digging through pockets. 

I don’t really know how to deal with the dropping. Though I bet it probably happens while he’s trying to use these things while moving or busy with another task, rather than sitting down and chilling out. He’ll have to motivate himself to figure out how that happens and to change his behavior as it probably is just a matter of being more careful and aware of what he’s doing (which I realize is difficult for people with ADHD).

Post # 4
1781 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since 1st grade and I don’t have any of those behaviors And I haven’t taken any medication for it in almost 10 years, because I found it pointless and more of a placebo effect… it really doesn’t sound like any symptom of ADHD to me.. My mom and brother both have it as well. Are you sure that’s the sole cause and there aren’t any other issues there? 

Post # 5
2963 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I was diagnosed with severe ADHD when I was 14 years old and the last time I was evaluated, I was still classified as severe. I have tried various medications over the years and had unwanted side effects with all of them, so I don’t take any!

Despite my “handicap”, I managed to finish college and grad school, I am a biologist, a biochemist, and college professor. I have learned there are some things that are unlikely to change. I will always have problems with organization; there will always be clutter in my life. However, I have trained myself to focus when I need to – it can be done! It is learning how to gently bring one’s attention back to the present moment. Cognitive training is what it used to be called, I don’t know if the term has changed or not. But the point is that this condition can be managed without drugs!

I have also learned to think of ADHD as less of a disability and more as a gift. We now believe that great men like Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin, Thomas Edison and Thomas Jefferson all had ADD or ADHD! There are advantages to thinking differently than most folks. And we’re usually quite creative and fun too!

Post # 7
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Why can’t he take medicine in the military. I know several that take adderral. My FH takes it and so far it’s been a miracle. No lost items, projects get finished, etc

Post # 9
2809 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

my FI has aspergers and ADHD. he had/has a bin. we tried it for a while before the bin was misplaced by me in the beginning stages of packing, and it worked pretty well. it’s currently amongst the disaster due to packing, but when we move home, that’s gonna be where he stops and puts his keys, his work stuff, his glasses, and his wallet. that way, they didn’t get lost. i got sick of him not knowing where his keys were- we lost his car keys for a good month and a half.. and don’t get me started on the house keys that go missing constantly.

Post # 11
2809 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@greenidlady:  anytime. what i bought is just a plastic basket thing. nothing expensive or anything. i think i got it at target. i had it on the edge of the kitchen counter/bar, so he’d see it when he walked in the door. it worked pretty well (:

Post # 12
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We do something similar to colorofmyheart. We have a glass bowl (it’s at the top of the stairs on a desk). As soon as my husband gets home, his keys, sunglasses, phone, etc. go there. While I still find random sunglasses and chap sticks scattered through the house, it’s helpful to have a set place for things to go. In my car, I keep a pair of his sunglasses and a chap stick in my arm rest. We try to keep things organized as best as possible. We make it so most things have their “place”, if that makes sense. So, since he’s in grad school, his bag goes in the office (in its place there). All of his books stay in there, and go back there when they’re done. I got desk organizers for both of  us. I do most of teh laundry, which is good b/c my partner has a tendency to not check pockets first (*sigh* hence having to replace a phone AND a garage door opener this year).

Post # 13
7729 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@trueblue14:  🙂  (Applause, Applause!) BTW-I’m not being snarky-my son and I both have ADD without the hyperactivity (he loses and breaks things frequently) and I too will always have problems with organization; there will always be clutter in my life. However, I have trained myself to focus when I need to also.  🙂

Post # 14
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Phone dropping: Get him a padded case for the phone so that dropping isn’t so harmful. 

Losing things: I love the idea of a bowl or similar right next to the door, but forming this habit can be hard, I would imagine especially so for someone with ADHD. If you are home when he gets home, for the first couple of weeks come out to the front door when you hear him, give him a kiss and remind him to put his stuff in the bowl. If you aren’t at home when he gets home, try to text him a reminder.

There’s a free app called: SMS Scheduler. It allows you to write a text message, select who you want to send it to, the time and date and how often. You can program it to automatically text him at 6pm every weekday (or whatever time he gets home). Or program multiple text messages for different times every day if you know he goes to the gym on Monday or something. 

If he loses his keys at work, perhaps put one of those key chains that attaches to your belt/pants loop on his pants. Not sure if he’d be allowed with the military but I thought I’d suggest it just in case. 

Perhaps put a sign on the back of the door which says: Keys? Wallet? Phone? to remind him to pick them up on his way out. I know that can seem juvenile but it’s a small price to pay in order to not forget and lose these important items. 

Post # 15
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@greenidlady:  First off, I want to prefice this by saying that I’m not (yet) a licensed professional so please do not take my word as final by any means 🙂

I am currently a PhD student doing clinical neuropsychology and I have worked at the VA with vets for the past several years. Part of my responsibilities include testing to rule out ADHD vs TBI vs PTSD vs Depression/Anxiety. I can tell you that the majority of the OIF/OEF vets that I see who think they have ADHD and tell me they have been “diagnosed” actually have a combination of PTSD/Depression that has never been delt with. Unfortunately a lot of primary care doctors are quite easy with writing prescriptions and will diagnose a lot of people with ADHD after they year things like “I can’t concentrate, my memory is poor, etc.” At the VA, at least in my workplace, a Neuropsych evaluation confirming ADHD is necessary in order for the psychiatrist to prescribe meds.

I’d recommend he take a look at what the VA offers, if he hasn’t already, and look into neuropsychological testing. It can reveal a lot about someone, and may uncover some things that he may not have realized.

Again, just advice from someone who sees this day after day. He may in fact have ADHD, but it sounds like theres something else going on.

Happy to answer any questions you may have:)

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