(Closed) HELPP! Disappointing engagement

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Can we see a picture of this “tacky” ring?

Honestly big proposals are over rated! I found the ring by accident and he proposed to me once he realized I had found it in our hotel room a day later. I think if you really want a different ring tell him now that you want a different setting he won’t get offended my Fiance wanted to make sure I liked mine and said it could be returned if I wanted something different. I didn’t even tell him what I wanted until after he had already bought the ring and he was pumped because he bought what I wanted with out me having to tell him. We didn’t even try on rings or anything. I think you put way to much pressure on your Fiance if you aren’t happy you should tell him about it before its too late.

Post # 62
644 posts
Busy bee

Even though you set yourself up for disappointment (how could you not after dreaming of a specific ring and proposal your whole life?) you had clearly communicated your desires to your Fiance, and he should have respected them or at east tried his best. He agreed that he did not try his best. I am sure he was feeling the pressure, but that is no excuse for his cop out.

Tell him to return the ring he got you and and that the 2 of you should go shopping togehter and that you will add your own money to it, so you can have a ring you love to wear. It is on your finger, and you are the one looking at it and representing your engagement.

I see the point that PPs have made that he owed you nothing, but the reality is that we live in a world of comparison, and what you wanted was basically within reason. If he was going to go to the trouble of doing any of it, it should have been the way you asked. It’s not too late to fix this.

I am also interested in seeing your ring, and would also like to see pics of what you asked for.

Post # 63
88 posts
Worker bee

Can we see the ring and details already!! 🙂 

Post # 64
65 posts
Worker bee

There are way too many comments here for me to read all of them (so sorry if I repeat anything), but based on what I’ve read I’ll go against the grain here and say that it is absolutely okay to feel disappointed. First of all, there is very little (if anything) you can do to change an emotion. Secondly, I can understand why you’d feel disappointed, especially when he made it seem like he was making you wait because he was saving up for something you would like. And thirdly, the fact he admitted he didn’t really consider your feelings, suggests that there was something amiss about the whole situation.

That being said… You can’t go back in time and change it, as much as you would like to. And I’m sure you wouldn’t make him buy a new ring and do it again. As far as dealing with this situation, do try to remind yourself that you’re engaged to someone you love, and throw your energy and enthusiasm into the fun stuff to come like wedding planning. Hopefully in a few years you can look back and laugh about the situation together. Who knows, by then you may feel differently. I would also add that plenty of people update their engagement rings over the years, so perhaps 5-10 years down the track that will be an option for you if you’re still not a fan of the ring. 

In terms of moving forward, I’d say it’s a good idea to try to address your FI’s lack of romanticism. I understand your pain; my SO of 5.5 years is not the most romantic guy when it comes to dates or gestures, but when he speaks from the heart, he is so incredibly sweet. That tells me he has those feelings, he just doesn’t express them in romantic ways. We have chatted a few times about how I understand it doesn’t come naturally to him, but it would mean a lot if he did something romantic from time to time. And sure I have to give him the ideas so the surprise element that I really love is rarely there, but the fact that he makes the effort tells me that he really cares. You can’t make someone be more romantic, but you can help them to do more romantic things. 

You will get past this. For now, remember that it’s okay to feel the disappointment, but nothing good will come from dwelling on it.

Post # 66
2236 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
leeshey:  Thank you for the update!!! I’m so glad to hear that it was all just a misunderstanding and he’s moving forward without defensiveness. Sounds like you definitely have a keeper! Start a new post for the ring creation process and link to it here! 

I agree with you – the ring isn’t “tacky,” everyone has their own taste, and it’s not mine. I don’t want something super ornate as an everyday ring. For me, that’s a rhr look.

Post # 67
9 posts
  • Wedding: June 2017

I would’ve been mad if my boyfriend got me tacky ring (not saying yours is), or if he didn’t put in an effort. Umm, no thanks! I was picky about my expensive ring because I am wearing it daily. I allowed my fiance’ time to save, and he did, and he made it thoughtful and romantic because he knew that was important to me. Would I have accepted a ring less expensive if he couldn’t afford it? Of course, but it’s the fact that a man DOES HIS BEST with what he can. I would not accept something half- assed, and I would be pissed off too.

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