Hen / Bacholorette do you pay for EVERYTHING for the Bride?

posted 2 months ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

So it is customary for the attendees to offer to pay for the hen but not expected. 

If people are happy to split her costs then ok, if not then she has to cover it. 

Post # 3
Member
2272 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

ladeyjadey :  For mine, my girlfriends planned it and covered my cost of the cabin that we rented for two nights. They brought a ton of booze, food, decorations, etc that they all purchased together. They also chipped in for some corny t shirts. When we went out they all took turns paying for my drinks and split my portion of the dinner we went to. I kept trying to pick up my own tab, but they insisted I don’t pay for anything. 

This is pretty much what it’s been like at the other bachelorette parties I’ve attended, the group pays for everything and splits the cost of the brides share.

That being said, for my own party and the others I’ve been to that were destination parties (another city, or state nearby) the cost wasn’t terribly high and we all made sure we were comfortable with the cost of the hotel/airbnb before booking, same with planning any events. No one just said “we’re doing xy and z and this is how much you owe”. 

If something is out of your budget, you have every right to say you’re not OK with it and won’t be participating.

Post # 4
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

🤔 Maybe its different here but the bride doesn’t dictate or ask for specifics. Someone offers to plan the party, that person or group covers the costs and she graciously accepts whatever they decide. She’s free to offer suggestions but making demands that involve others money is a different thing.

In your case I’d figure out a budget all of you can agree on and let her know that any costs that exceed the budget based on her demands will need to come out of her pocket.

Post # 5
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It depends.

Ive been to many bacheloretets fom vegas to local

The ones Ive been to in Montreal, NYC, Vegas etc (so away) Bride pays her own room and flight.. as that totals to 1000 canadian.. no one is splitting that when spending that much themsleves thats absurd 

for those ones we would cover the decor, alcohol, bottle service, strip club whatever but between 10-15 girls all that split pretty low.

For local bachelorettes, recently had a couple cottage weekends, ALL the girls attending (not just bridal party) split everything evenly and we paid for bride… but that came to like 300-450 canadian per person between 15 girls so thats fine.

Anythingt that requires flight and hotel bride should pay herself its totally off putting that she EXPECTS her costs covered on top of everyone covbering all their own flights hotels etc she needs to get a reality check

My bown bachelorette was in Montreal (were all from Toronto) I paid for my own flight/accomodations and all the girls (17 ) split the stripper, alcohol for the air bnb and one dinner, i covered my own drinks etc for toher evenings and even that i thought was super generous of them

To me rule of thumb is destination bachs, bride pays her own way end of story.. 

Post # 6
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’ve been trying to cover most of the costs for my bridesmaids by having it at my parents beach house and I’m attempting to do the same for other things but I know I’m going to get push back and they won’t let that happen once we’re there 🙁 I think it’s outrageous to expect it and I think any polite individual who is having a party completely about themselves would try to contribute as much as possible 

Post # 7
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Oh hell naw.

While it is “normal” for the other guests to split some of the Brides costs, it is pretty fucking over the top to expect them all to spend hundreds of dollars on it. And for the bride to be the one requesting it is absurd.

She sounds super duper entitled and I’d put my foot down on that shit STAT before it gets completely out of control. She has no right to demand TWO separate parties, one of which involves significant travel and accommodation costs, and then also expect her guests to pay for it all for her.  No, no, no, no, NO.

ETA: I did the quick math (converting to CAD so I could make sense of the actual costs) and holy crap! The amount they are expecting you to spend on these two parties is insane! You’re looking at basically $1,000 for a trip and a party that are all about someone else. The worst part of these kinds of things is that people end up feeling guilted into spending all that money and half the time end up having a shit weekend anyways because the whole fuckin time is spent arguing about what to do or being pushed into doing stuff you don’t want to. If you’re gonna drop $1,000 on a weekend getaway it should be a weekend YOU want. 

Post # 8
Member
3431 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 29th, 2016

ladeyjadey :  I didn’t have any bachelorette festivities but all of the ones that I did participate in were very reasonable, local celebrations and we all split the cost so that the bride didn’t pay for anything. But we did things like pole dancing lessons and booze cruises followed by dinner and drinks. So I’ve usually paid around $100 when all was said and done. You shouldn’t be made to feel stingy at all since you are paying quite a bit and participating in TWO different celebrations! 

Post # 10
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m UK based. I had two very low key hens (two different friendship groups, both held locally). For both I paid my way (was only the cost of a meal).

I made the decision to go cheap and local because of a friend who married a year before me. She also had a local one and a destination one (although ,she did not demand one – the MoH was just really keen). Do beware that, in my experience  everyone SAID they were excited and in for the destination hen, but when it came to committing all but 3 people pulled out. The MoH chose to pay for the bride (good job, best friend) and tried to keep costs low (worked out around £120 pp). I had a good time, but was annoyed on her behalf with those who said yes then changed their minds.

I’d strongly recommend getting deposits or payment up front from from people before you book anything. Or you might find people drop out, making it even more expensive for everyone else. 

Post # 11
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

ladeyjadey :  wow… her other friends sound like total cunts. 

I hope you end up having a realyl great time because holy hell that is a lot of money!!!!

Post # 14
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

ladeyjadey :  oh man girls dont need to get bottles and tables!!!! huge plus of being a girl lol

only time we did bottles was in Vegas for one of the bachs I did we wnated a girls table at a pool party and not be with random guys stupidesat idea ever we wasted a 100 usd each got two drinks out of it and an hour later the promoter brought us to some guys tables that were so much better and free .

Guys have to suffer through this but girls hardly do

You sound like an awesome friend.. I hope you at least end up having a super fun weekend!

 

Post # 15
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

The rule of thumb is that if the bride cares about something in particular (a certain decoration, a certain cake, a certain party favor) then she should cover it. But since it’s a party thrown FOR the bride, it would be seen as bridezilla for her  to step in and make demands. The same exact way goes for the bridal shower. 

I am buying my own dress, but otherwise, I’m leaving it to my MoH lol – we can do a picnic in the park for all I care.  

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