Post # 1
What is the normal way of doing things for a hen or Bacholorette party?
My friend has asked for an abroad hen do as Well as one at home, when I asked her the budget per person and what she was willing to spend she said no everyone will split it between them.
Anyway I’ve booked an abroad party including accommodation 4 activities flights etc and split the cost between the group (which has worked out at about £60 extra each) so the total cost is about £450 each for the abroad party each. The UK one is around £60 (including splitting her cost).
Some of her friends have now said they want to book further activities and pre book drinks for the evening at a further cost of £100 each so she does not have to pay for that, meaning she basically won’t need spending money.
I feel she should be paying for something even if it’s for her meals and drinks?!
I’ve been made to feel stingy – yet other friends and family have said why the hell are we paying for her and that I’m a pushover.
On another note I have paid for my own abroad hen party and made a point that people did not need to feel to come as I will be laying on drinks at a bar when I’m back for anyone who wants to celebrate. So I’m paying for both of my own which I fully expect I would be embarrassed for anyone to pay for me! (Especially with the expense of the wedding day and paying for hotels etc!).
Thanks for the advice!
Post # 2
So it is customary for the attendees to offer to pay for the hen but not expected.
If people are happy to split her costs then ok, if not then she has to cover it.
Post # 3
ladeyjadey : For mine, my girlfriends planned it and covered my cost of the cabin that we rented for two nights. They brought a ton of booze, food, decorations, etc that they all purchased together. They also chipped in for some corny t shirts. When we went out they all took turns paying for my drinks and split my portion of the dinner we went to. I kept trying to pick up my own tab, but they insisted I don’t pay for anything.
This is pretty much what it’s been like at the other bachelorette parties I’ve attended, the group pays for everything and splits the cost of the brides share.
That being said, for my own party and the others I’ve been to that were destination parties (another city, or state nearby) the cost wasn’t terribly high and we all made sure we were comfortable with the cost of the hotel/airbnb before booking, same with planning any events. No one just said “we’re doing xy and z and this is how much you owe”.
If something is out of your budget, you have every right to say you’re not OK with it and won’t be participating.
Post # 4
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
🤔 Maybe its different here but the bride doesn’t dictate or ask for specifics. Someone offers to plan the party, that person or group covers the costs and she graciously accepts whatever they decide. She’s free to offer suggestions but making demands that involve others money is a different thing.
In your case I’d figure out a budget all of you can agree on and let her know that any costs that exceed the budget based on her demands will need to come out of her pocket.
Post # 5
Ive been to many bacheloretets fom vegas to local
The ones Ive been to in Montreal, NYC, Vegas etc (so away) Bride pays her own room and flight.. as that totals to 1000 canadian.. no one is splitting that when spending that much themsleves thats absurd
for those ones we would cover the decor, alcohol, bottle service, strip club whatever but between 10-15 girls all that split pretty low.
For local bachelorettes, recently had a couple cottage weekends, ALL the girls attending (not just bridal party) split everything evenly and we paid for bride… but that came to like 300-450 canadian per person between 15 girls so thats fine.
Anythingt that requires flight and hotel bride should pay herself its totally off putting that she EXPECTS her costs covered on top of everyone covbering all their own flights hotels etc she needs to get a reality check
My bown bachelorette was in Montreal (were all from Toronto) I paid for my own flight/accomodations and all the girls (17 ) split the stripper, alcohol for the air bnb and one dinner, i covered my own drinks etc for toher evenings and even that i thought was super generous of them
To me rule of thumb is destination bachs, bride pays her own way end of story..
Post # 6
I’ve been trying to cover most of the costs for my bridesmaids by having it at my parents beach house and I’m attempting to do the same for other things but I know I’m going to get push back and they won’t let that happen once we’re there 🙁 I think it’s outrageous to expect it and I think any polite individual who is having a party completely about themselves would try to contribute as much as possible
Post # 7
Oh hell naw.
While it is “normal” for the other guests to split some of the Brides costs, it is pretty fucking over the top to expect them all to spend hundreds of dollars on it. And for the bride to be the one requesting it is absurd.
She sounds super duper entitled and I’d put my foot down on that shit STAT before it gets completely out of control. She has no right to demand TWO separate parties, one of which involves significant travel and accommodation costs, and then also expect her guests to pay for it all for her. No, no, no, no, NO.
ETA: I did the quick math (converting to CAD so I could make sense of the actual costs) and holy crap! The amount they are expecting you to spend on these two parties is insane! You’re looking at basically $1,000 for a trip and a party that are all about someone else. The worst part of these kinds of things is that people end up feeling guilted into spending all that money and half the time end up having a shit weekend anyways because the whole fuckin time is spent arguing about what to do or being pushed into doing stuff you don’t want to. If you’re gonna drop $1,000 on a weekend getaway it should be a weekend YOU want.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 29th, 2016
ladeyjadey : I didn’t have any bachelorette festivities but all of the ones that I did participate in were very reasonable, local celebrations and we all split the cost so that the bride didn’t pay for anything. But we did things like pole dancing lessons and booze cruises followed by dinner and drinks. So I’ve usually paid around $100 when all was said and done. You shouldn’t be made to feel stingy at all since you are paying quite a bit and participating in TWO different celebrations!
Post # 9
I think it seems pretty split which is how I’ve been feeling with it anyway her other friends seem to think it’s normal (they mostly earn double my salary though so maybe that’s what it is).
And unfortunately it’s too late to put my foot down on the trip as I agreed to a budget of £400 Which we have now gone over a bit and it’s all basically paid for.
Also I didn’t mention she had been quite pushy about going long haul to New York but this was working out at nearly double costs, the amount of stress I had to try and give hee that in a reasonable cost and eventually realised it wasnt worth the stress and this was a step too far. So I asked her to give me some Europe cities – we are doing Barcelona which was on her bucket list. And I haven’t skrimped we have tonnes of activities planned paid for already, as Well as a 4* rooftop pool hotel.
But what I’m not happy with is a further £100ish now being spent on drink and tables in a club when we can get in for free anyway I don’t feel a table is essential she would have a good time regardless and feel that she should be paying for her drinks with spending money we shouldn’t be covering that too. What her friend has now said is that she will book the table with the people that want to do it and those that don’t want to or basically can’t afford it can go in the club but can’t join the table.
This upsets me a bit as ive spent 6 months planning both her hen dos (as well as my own as I didn’t want my friends to stress on it and my own wedding etc) and I feel ive paid enough now I’m going to be pushed out that night if I refused to pay the £100 for the table I may end up dancing on my own somewhere as I don’t have the money the others have!
Her wedding stay and hen parties ive worked out in total with spend I’m looking at about £1200ish. So this extra unnecessary cost is bothering me now!
Post # 10
I’m UK based. I had two very low key hens (two different friendship groups, both held locally). For both I paid my way (was only the cost of a meal).
I made the decision to go cheap and local because of a friend who married a year before me. She also had a local one and a destination one (although ,she did not demand one – the MoH was just really keen). Do beware that, in my experience everyone SAID they were excited and in for the destination hen, but when it came to committing all but 3 people pulled out. The MoH chose to pay for the bride (good job, best friend) and tried to keep costs low (worked out around £120 pp). I had a good time, but was annoyed on her behalf with those who said yes then changed their minds.
I’d strongly recommend getting deposits or payment up front from from people before you book anything. Or you might find people drop out, making it even more expensive for everyone else.
Post # 11
ladeyjadey : wow… her other friends sound like total cunts.
I hope you end up having a realyl great time because holy hell that is a lot of money!!!!
Post # 12
Yep all paid £25 deposits out of 14 1 person pulled out and lost her deposit. Final payments are due this month and so far every one has paid But a few. Flights were bought separately and upfront too which everyone has so they would loose that if they pulled out now. So luckily not had this issue! They all seem keen plus they mainly all earn well so to then it’s likely nothing!
Post # 13
What’s worse is I only know a few people it’s not my friendship group or anything. Even though I organised I think I’m going to be left out. It’s 2 nights hopefully I just get through it and hopefully the Bride does!
Post # 14
ladeyjadey : oh man girls dont need to get bottles and tables!!!! huge plus of being a girl lol
only time we did bottles was in Vegas for one of the bachs I did we wnated a girls table at a pool party and not be with random guys stupidesat idea ever we wasted a 100 usd each got two drinks out of it and an hour later the promoter brought us to some guys tables that were so much better and free .
Guys have to suffer through this but girls hardly do
You sound like an awesome friend.. I hope you at least end up having a super fun weekend!
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY
The rule of thumb is that if the bride cares about something in particular (a certain decoration, a certain cake, a certain party favor) then she should cover it. But since it’s a party thrown FOR the bride, it would be seen as bridezilla for her to step in and make demands. The same exact way goes for the bridal shower.
I am buying my own dress, but otherwise, I’m leaving it to my MoH lol – we can do a picnic in the park for all I care.